Swimming-Duck

Say What?

2011-11-18T13:03:00.003-06:00

Perhaps I should knock on wood before posting this, because I'm about to say that something like this has never happened to me.

Michigan Mother Reprimanded for Nursing Baby in Courtroom

I just don't get things like this. I mean, nobody would bat an eyelash if this woman had pulled out a bottle to feed her baby. What is wrong with our society and their idea of what a boob is for? Sure, there are other uses for it in the confines of a relationship, but the boob is full of mammary glands. It's primary function is to nurse. That's why we have them.

I will say that I feel very fortunate. I've never had anyone say anything negative to me while I was nursing. I've had people look the other way with kind of an embarrassed "Oh my God - she's nursing - what do I do - where do I look?" kind of panicked expression, but I don't know that I've ever encountered outright hostility. I just feel sad for people that must go through this - I can imagine that it must feel incredibly humiliating. This story in particular grabs my attention. I had to go to court when I worked in Child Welfare and sometimes the judge would ask me questions and I know how intimidating it can feel to be questioned by a judge. For this woman to be singled out in the middle of a courtroom and told by a judge that she's inappropriate must have been incredibly humiliating - my heart goes out to her. When will our society "get it", that this is just a normal thing a mom does to feed her baby?

Sunday Surf

2011-11-17T16:43:00.007-06:00

Parenting
Opening Up The GD Toolbox: Play - Dulce De Leche

Canines
Puppy Escapes Car After Rollover Accident Runs Loose on Busy Highway - Two Little Cavaliers
Undefinable - The Pioneer Woman

Sunday Surf

2011-11-13T06:00:00.002-06:00

Parenting
What's The Deal With Cow's Milk at 12 Mos. Anyways? - Breastfeedingarts
But They Look So Happy - Dulce de leche
Raising Little Chefs - Natural Parents Network

Religion
Finding the Balance - Crumbs from the Communion Table

Creative Pursuits
Annabel (the sweater, not the baby) - SouleMama

Rolling Over and a Tooth All in One Week

2011-11-11T07:37:00.004-06:00

Well, Felix turns four months on Saturday and he started rolling back to front earlier this week. Yesterday I was rubbing his lower gums and felt a sharp protrustion on his bottom right side. I felt like I should write that somewhere, so here it is. I was terrible with tracking Boo's stuff. Seriously, I couldn't even tell you when Boo's first tooth came in. Does that make me a terrible mother? I.just.can't.remember. So I'm trying to do better here by writing this somewhere where I can find it later! And I'll leave you with some almost four month old cuteness.

And some older boy cuteness. Boo is helping mommy sweep!

Surfin' Sunday

2011-10-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

I'm going to attempt to join the Surfin' Sunday crowd. Enjoy!

Toddler, Tiaras, and Fig Leaves - Give Them Grace

It's a Lifestyle, Not an Event - Dulce De Leche
What is Attachment Parenting - Hold On To Your Catholic Kids
Interesting Article About Finland Schools

Wordless Wednesday: Playful Parenting

2011-10-19T17:20:00.004-05:00

Look closely. The name of the book is "Playful Parenting." Is this a hint?

Playing Trains Together

2011-10-12T14:32:00.001-05:00

Wordless Wednesday: Multi-tasking

2011-10-05T21:11:00.002-05:00

I am working to transform myself into the Queen of laundry - sometimes it takes a bit of creativity!

Wordless Wednesday: Brotherly Love

2011-09-28T13:22:00.004-05:00

I love you so much that I want to hold you.

I love you so much that I enjoy looking at you.

I love you so much that I will incorporate you into my artistic masterpiece.

Wordless Wednesday: I Can't Believe He's Here Already

2011-09-21T13:57:00.004-05:00

"I can't believe he's here already." I've been told that I repeated this phrase over and over after Felix made his entrance!

Big Four Year Old Boy

2011-08-15T15:11:00.009-05:00

Well, we finally officially celebrated Boo's birthday a little over a week ago. It was very low key. We had family over, ate cake and ice cream, opened presents, and called it a day. Boo was excited as he got some nice gifts. It was lovely to see everyone.

Anyways, a good friend of mine posted pictures of her little one through the years when he turned three. It's such a nice idea that I'm going to follow suit. So here's a look at Boo through the years!

Life With Two

2011-08-04T11:36:00.003-05:00

This is probably going to be a quick update as someone will likely need something in the near future, but for now Boo is playing with his daddy and Felix is sleeping on me in the Moby (LOVE the Moby). For the purposes of my blog, baby's blog name will be Felix!

Adjusting to a second child in our lives has been an amazing experience. I have to say that all around this has been easier for me than it was adjusting to one baby. I don't mean to say that it hasn't had difficult challenges, but I think Boo and I encountered so many issues in his first month or so of life that this has seemed better by comparison.

The good: Boo LOVES his baby. He's constantly kissing him, hugging him, and saying "I love you baby." Overall I think he has adjusted pretty well to no longer being the only child in the house. Felix is beautiful and healthy. He took to breastfeeding like a champ. We had a slight stumble at the beginning, but I think it was due to hypothyroidism causing my supply to be a bit sluggish as it came in. But that's no longer an issue and Felix is gaining well. He loves to be cuddled tightly and loves to nurse nurse nurse! Wally is also fond of our new arrival. He does really great with babies. I just have to occasionally keep him from licking baby to death! He's very watchful when Felix starts to cry. Beer and wine - does it make me a lush to add them to the list? I'm just happy that I can partake now and then!

The bad: Boo definitely pushes a bit harder to get our attention much of the time. This can be incredibly challenging. The first two weeks was the worst. He seems to be doing much better now. Hurray! I'm struggling to find patience with him. I know he needs it and deserves it - he's adjusting to a major change right now. Poor Felix seems a bit gassy to me. So he definitely cries quite a bit more than Boo ever did. Gas is one of those weird things. It's hard to know if he cries more because he's gassy or if he's gassy because he cries more and takes in tons of air while doing so. I know some people swear by gripe water. I've never had to try anything like that, but I may if the screamo gassy fussiness continues to see if it helps little Felix.

The ugly: What is it about a sleeping Felix that absolutely compels Boo to touch him, push on his head, squeeze his cheeks, or find some other way of disturbing the slumber. This of course makes me feel a bit crazy!

Oh, and I will likely be posting more birth pictures when I get the chance. I've got the pics back and there's some really amazing pictures in there. So I want to share for those that are interested. Don't worry - nothing graphic - I'm just not that kind of gal!

The Hypnobabies Home Waterbirth of Oliver Felix

2011-07-23T19:14:00.002-05:00

Oliver’s estimated due date was June 26, 2011. My husband and I waited for Oliver’s perfect birthing time as June 26th came and went. No big deal – many women do not birth their babies right on their due date. So we continued to wait and tried really hard to be patient. The month of June slipped past and the beginning of July moved quickly. We found ourselves at 42 weeks and still no sign of birthing. No warm up pressure waves. Nothing. Per my home birth midwives agreement with the OB I was now required to complete a biophysical profile in order to determine that it was in fact safe for me to continue pregnancy. Luckily, my cut-off for home birth wasn’t until week 43. So I had one more week for this baby to come on his own in the comfort of his home.

Monday July 11th we arrived for our biophysical profile. I was incredibly nervous and anxious. While I felt deep down that everything was okay with baby, the idea of completing the biophysical profile caused me to feel anxious. My first blood pressure reading was artificially high due to my anxiety. Luckily the nurse wanted to double check when I informed her that my blood pressure is usually very good. I used my hypnobabies breathing to enter a state of relaxation for a few minutes before she took my blood pressure again. It had dropped close to my usual reading thanks to my ability to relax my body quickly with hypnobabies. After vitals, the next step was the ultrasound. I was told after the ultrasound that my amniotic fluid was low. I wasn’t sure what this meant and we were left to wait for the OB to discuss the meaning of this result. The OB came in and told us that the baby did not score so well on the biophysical profile. The amniotic fluid was low and “this baby needs to be delivered soon” were his exact words. I felt very out of control at that point. Of course my first priority was a healthy baby and I would not sacrifice that even for my dream of a lovely home waterbirth, but I also know that technology is not foolproof and can be misleading. The OB wanted me to go on over to the hospital for the induction. I followed my gut and told him that I wanted one more night to try to enter my birthing time on my own. I knew that I had to try. I had to be sure that if I ended up with an induced hospital birth that it was truly because I had no other choice. He said he wanted to do a non stress test and if that was okay, he would agree to postpone the induction until the next day. He also checked my cervix via vaginal exam and swept my membranes in preparation for an induction. It was my first vaginal exam of this pregnancy. I had chosen to forego all vaginal exams this pregnancy after having bad experiences with them last pregnancy and during my older son’s birth. I immediately tensed up. My husband reminded me to relax and use my hypnobabies. I focused on breathing and relaxing my body. This helped tremendously. I felt slight discomfort as my membranes were swept and when it was over I remember thinking, “That was it? That’s what I was terrified of?” The hypnobabies relaxation helped immensely. I learned that I was dilated to a 2 and 65% effaced. Of course the OB felt that this was clear indication that my body would need the pitocin as my body was “not ready.” Having read up on birthing and other’s stories, I knew that my body was perfectly capable of beginning birthing time at a 2. So I confidently clung to my idea of entering my birthing time on my own at home. The non stress test was next and confirmed what I intuitively knew to be true – that baby was healthy and able to safely handle being born.
After this long and emotional visit at the OB’s office, we went to my midwife’s home. There we informed her of the results. She confirmed that low amniotic fluid was a valid reason to induce rather than allow the pregnancy to continue. However, she remained hopeful with me and supported my plan to use castor oil as a natural induction method in a last ditch effort to get baby to come that night. She gave me a recipe that consisted of castor oil, orange juice, and ice. After visiting with her for awhile I felt significantly calmer because I now had a plan of action. She also sent a breast pump in case I needed to try that as well.

We lived forty five minutes from the midwife’s house and the ride home felt like forever as I wanted to chug my castor oil cocktail as soon as possible. I got even antsier when the doctor’s office called and told me that my induction was scheduled for 5:00am the following morning. It was between 3:00 and 4:00pm, so this left very little time. The castor oil had to work and it had to work quickly. As soon as we got into town we stopped by my mother’s house and borrowed her blender. We left our son with grandma for the night. As much as I wanted him with me, I felt like I needed to really focus and also knew that if the castor oil kicked in and I was dealing with the nasty side effects of it that hubby would not be able to simultaneously run after our three year old and get the birth pool set up. We stopped by the pharmacy, picked up the castor oil, and headed home. Once home I could not get into the house fast enough to make my cocktail.

I have to say that my midwife gave me a great recipe. I didn’t taste the castor oil at all! I chugged it very quickly though, so perhaps that had something to do with it. And now it was time to wait. This was the very hard part. I waited and waited. It was close to 11:00pm and still nothing. My hope was quickly wavering. We were rushing around the house packing a last minute hospital bag. I was half-heartedly writing a birth plan for the hospital and weeping all the while, thinking about the battles that I would now have to fight that wouldn’t be an issue at a home birth. I felt such a deep sense of loss and I felt as though my body had betrayed me. My emotions were in complete disarray and I was feeling very frantic and upset. I pleaded to God to please make this happen. I tried the breast pump for a bit around 11:00pm or so, but it took forever to get a pressure wave. Finally, I decided to head to bed. I knew that if I truly was going to be induced in a hospital the next morning I would need some strength left. So I went to bed.

And this is where the story turns. I woke up at 1:00am with diarrhea. I’ve never been so happier to experience diarrhea in all my life. However, I knew that this alone didn’t mean anything. I went back to bed. I woke up again with more diarrhea. I went downstairs. Pressure waves began. I hunted for my ipod with my hypnobabies tracks. It was now god knows where thanks to our frantic hospital packing. I hollered up the stairs and woke up my husband and told him I needed my ipod. At 1:51am I started timing my pressure waves using an online tracking tool. I could barely believe it – they were between 2 ½ and 4 minutes apart mostly. My husband brought my ipod to me and as I was tracking I found that I had to move out of the computer chair and onto my ball so that I could feel more comfortable. I pulled the computer keyboard out far enough so that I could reach the keyboard and press the proper button at the beginning and end of each pressure wave. I realized that they were harder to manage without complete focus. I knew then that it was time to contact the midwife. Up until that point I had been in denial. I think all of the prior day’s circumstances made me feel like I was dreaming this up and that I wasn’t really going to begin my birthing time. I called my midwife and told her about my pressure waves and how far apart they were. She said she’d contact her assistant and they’d head my way. To be honest, I think she might have thought this was all wishful thinking on my part. I was so nervous that the pressure waves were going to fizzle out and this would all be for nothing. But there was nothing to do except continue to contact my birthing team and hope for the best. I called my sister in law, cousin, and mother who had all been asked to come and help.

With phone calls made and my husband running around getting things ready I moved out into the daycare room where we had previously decided the birth would take place. At some point I moved the ipod onto the dock with speakers and listened to it that way instead of with the ear buds. This was more comfortable for me. I tried several positions while the pressure waves washed over me. Side-lying was by far my favorite position at that time. I wonder if this has to do with the fact that the majority of my hypnobabies practice sessions were done while in a side-lying position. I found that this familiarity gave me optimal relaxation.

I remember people arriving. My mother arrived first and my cousin came shortly afterwards. My sister-in-law was bringing food, so I knew she would likely be last to arrive since she had to make a stop at the grocery store. At this point my ability to speak was pretty compromised. I had my cousin and mom help me head for the bathroom. Upon attempting to leave, I remember having a pressure wave. I leaned over the bathroom counter and worked to relax my face and body. At one point I called out, “Somebody?” I found that there was much comfort in having someone standing close during a pressure wave. After my pressure wave I went back to the couch.

At this point things get kind of fuzzy for me. I don’t know how long I felt pressure waves while lying down. I know at one point I looked at my husband and told him, “Call the midwife. Ask her if I can get in the pool yet.” I heard him describing my pressure waves to her on the phone and I was given the okay to get in the birthing pool. I was very relieved. I somehow sensed that my body was far along enough that getting in the pool was not going to slow things down at this point.

In the pool I sat several different ways, mostly preferring to face the outer edge of the pool and lean my head over. I worked to use my finger drop method and relax through the contractions. I could hear the hypnobabies track which continued to play in the background. Kerry’s voice was soothing and relaxing, reminding me that every pressure wave was bringing me closer to my baby and it was helpful to listen to the track talking about how my cervix was opening. This helped me to allow my pressure waves to do what they needed to rather than tense up and go against them. I really think this is part of the reason my body progressed as quickly as it did. Things really ramped up in intensity once I was in the pool. I remember puking and shaking all over. At one point I lost my hypnobabies focus for a minute and yelled out “I can’t do this!” It hit me that in that moment I was likely in transformation. It’s amazing how aware of that fact I was in the moment. I followed up my negative declaration with a positive “I can do this. I can do this!” I knew I was close and remember feeling very happy about that. Shortly after a few pressure waves that brought on shakiness, I felt a slight urge to push. This wasn’t an all out push urge. It came on the tail end of a pressure wave. I followed what my body wanted me to do. I vaguely remember hearing my hubby on the phone with the midwife describing my pressure waves and telling her that I was pushing. She was of course stuck by a train (a common occurrence in our town), but was very close. Hubby got off the phone and told me to try to hold off on pushing until she got here. This was much easier said than done and I didn’t really succeed. I asked for someone to switch my hypnobabies to the “Pushing baby out” track. However, my voice was muffled and it was hard to speak clearly. I ended up with “Birthing Day Affirmations” instead, but that worked really well. There were plenty of reminders of what I needed to do to help my baby come out during my birthing time. I used the “Ah” exhale method of pushing, which is really just following what your body tells you to do. I remember my midwife and her assistant walking in the door and truly just gave myself over to my body. My midwife checked baby’s heartbeat. This was barely noticeable to me as I was truly in my own little world at this point. She wanted to check dilation since I was ready to push, but instead she saw a head. I switched to a kneeling sort of position with my arms slung over the side of the pool. It didn’t take very many “Ah” pushes (hubby says it was 5 or 6) and all of a sudden I heard my midwife telling me to pick up my baby. My response was “What?” I was so in shock at everything happening so quickly and easily that I didn’t understand that baby had left my body. My midwife pulled baby out of the water as I was just kind of sitting there dumbfounded. She immediately handed baby to me. I held baby close and checked to see what sort of baby he was. “It’s a boy!” It was so neat to be the one to make that announcement! Oliver Felix was born on July 12, 2011 at 4:27am. He weighed 8 lbs and 14 oz and he was 21 inches long. After birthing the placenta I was helped up to my bed with my beautiful little boy. It was the most amazing and intimate experience being able to lie in my own bed and nurse my little man, and he was a beautiful nurser right from the start. There was no rush to weigh him, test him, or remove him from me in any way. After a few hours he began to get sleepy and these procedures were done then. But for those first few hours of alertness he was all mine. I really got a sense of this being the way it should be for moms and babies all the time, barring medical necessity. I feel so lucky that I was able to experience this beautiful hypnobabies home waterbirth. I also felt like I had the perfect birthing team. I was incredibly comforted having my mother, cousin, and sister-in-law present – there was something empowering about having other women there. My husband was of course wonderful also. He was there for me every step of the way and I remember just hanging onto him as I sank into relaxation during many of the more intense moments. It was all just such a beautiful experience. Barring medical necessity to do otherwise, this is what I want for every future birth in our family.

Non-Spanking Help!

2011-07-07T04:46:00.002-05:00

I found a blog post that I thought was really down to earth and practical. So here's a link for you.

Challenge the Moment: Love Your Child. Three Real Alternatives to Spanking

It's often very easy to find information about why spanking is not the best choice, the risks of spanking, etc..., but sometimes it's hard to find good practical advice as to know what to do when I'm about to blow. Pregnancy hormones can wreak havoc on the ability to remain calm and level headed with my child, so this practical advice is very welcome right now. I hope it's useful to others as well!

About a Boo

2011-06-17T05:26:00.004-05:00

And now a post that does not talk about pregnancy and/or home birth the entire time - it's been awhile!

I realize that it's such a mom thing to say, but I have to say it. I'm so proud of my little Boo. He's nearly four years old and already he has the neatest little personality. I have been so amazed by him lately.

His capacity for love is astounding. Out of the blue he runs up to me and wraps his arms around my belly and says with the most beautiful smile, "I love you baby". Often he follows this up with a kiss for my belly. We talk all the time about how he's going to be a big brother. I tell him what a good big brother he is and he usually replies, "I am." He is a deeply sensitive soul. This can be trying at times, but it's also what makes him so loving and nurturing. He has this built in need to try to take care of mommy. Last night when we were headed up to bed he insisted on holding my hand all the way up the stairs "so that you won't fall". When I told him I was making brownies he told me "Be careful. Don't cut yourself." This is because I actually did cut myself cutting up some chocolate mint leaves for a batch of brownies a few weeks ago.

He also loves his extended family very much. He talks about Auntie Malissa, Uncle Charlie, all of his cousins, Auntie Maggie, Auntie Carey, and of course Grandma and Grandpa nonstop. He adores all of them.

His current favorite things to do are playing Mario Kart on the Wii with daddy and/or mommy, building with his legos and/or his wooden blocks, hanging from the bars of his new bunk bed like the little monkey that he is, and playing with his letters. He's loving his new superhero bedroom. Right now he has it broken in and it looks very much how one would expect a little boy's room to look - legos strewn all over the floor with things half built here and there. He has a magnetic chalkboard on his closet doors that daddy made when we painted his room and Boo loves to draw with his chalk and move his magnetic letters around. Poor man is getting frustrated with letters because he wants to spell and make real words so badly, but he's not quite there yet. He's constantly putting letters together and asking me what words they make. When I tell him that it doesn't make a word he gets frustrated. So to serve his interest in this area, I've started exploring starfall.com with him and going through some of the phonics activities and he really enjoys doing some of those together.

He's very curious and inquisitive and this can lead to a lot of frustration - for everybody! He's that kid that you just never know what he might try. Especially in new situations where the rules are not yet solidly established, it's hard to know when/where he will run. That can be a bit challenging and sometimes downright scary! But as he nears four I'm seeing more of a response from him and a glimmer of hope that this crazy, bouncy, rambunctious boy will follow safety rules and stop giving his parents near heart attacks every few minutes when we're out and about!

It's definitely been a challenge to learn how to parent this wildly lovable and energetic little man of ours. Especially in wanting to stick to gentle discipline, it can be really trying at times. There are times where I get so frustrated and upset in the moment that I'm anything but gentle. But we keep plodding along in that department. And I have a feeling that even if we were inclined to something punitive it wouldn't work anyways. He strikes me as one of those kiddos that you could swat until you're blue in the face and he'd still go right on getting into things, running away in public, and, well, just being a little bit of crazy all the time! And I really love his confidence and yes, even his wild spirit. I wouldn't want to break that down in any way - just continue to work on guiding it so that it doesn't get him into trouble!

A Different Kind of Party

2011-06-09T13:20:00.002-05:00

Well here I am at 37 1/2 weeks preggo and my home birth is just around the corner. It feels crazy at times because everything is going to be so different from my son's birth. Different in a good way for sure, but this is all very uncharted territory. One thing that's going to be a different experience is the number of people that are going to be around. For my son's birth it was just T and I - no friends/family around during active labor. This time around we have chosen several family members/friends to share in this little one's birth day. Even though it's going to be different I could not be more happy about the special people that are going to be there. I feel like we have the right mix of personalities to be around during such a special occasion. Each person is contributing to the occasion in their own unique way. My mother is going to be Boo's caretaker and source of comfort. She's been a huge part of his life and he stays the night with grandma on a pretty regular basis, so she is the perfect person for the job. Boo is excited about being here when baby comes, but he admits that he's a little bit scared. My mom's nurturing personality will be just the comfort he will likely need at times. My cousin is going to be birth photographer extraordinaire. She's very artistic and I have no doubt that she'll take some great pictures of our experience. Also, she's a lifelong friend and someone who will be of invaluable comfort to me during the experience. She knows how to be encouraging and how to believe in people. She'll be the right combination of nurturing and "suck it up - you can do this" (I mean that in a good way) mentality. My sister-in-law is well, like a sister to me. I didn't know she was going to be joining the party until more recently and I've felt nothing but relief and excitement on knowing that she will be here. She has just the right amount of calm and practicality to her personality that I know she will be of invaluable assistance for anything that needs to happen while I'm birthing. She's that solid rock type of personality that you can count on when things need to happen. She's also someone who will know how to be comforting and nurturing in a very non-invasive way. I really just couldn't be more thrilled our choices. It will be a positive and empowering experience for all I believe. And what better way to welcome our little one than in the presence of family that will be there to adore him/her!

As the pre-labor signs progress (nothing serious people - don't start calling - I'm not going into labor right now or anything) I get more and more excited about the process. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life to share in the joy of this little one's birthing day!

Little Bit of This and That

2011-06-03T07:21:00.002-05:00

Well, I feel as though I need to get something out in the blogosphere. I don't think this will be an earth shattering blog, not like any of mine are, but you know what I mean.

This morning I have the privilege of having a day off of work. Hurray me! My midwife is coming for her home visit today. She offered to come later, but I decided to have it earlier. One, I wanted to make it more convenient for her to come, and two, I wanted a freaking day off of work! Oh the lovely vacation day, how sweet it is!

Last night I cleaned like crazy. I had a bit of rearranging to do in the daycare room as my furniture that I bought with some grant money for my daycare came in. So of course everything had to be moved around to accommodate the new stuff. I'm hoping the new arrangement works out. I got most of the baseboards scrubbed and surfaces wiped down, the couch swept, my foamy cushion cleaned up, and it felt great! I still need to clear off the table and wipe down one corner of the room. Also, I spied some handprints on the windows, so I guess I will attack the windows with some cleaner. Ah - nesting - hello - my house needs you. Do you ever notice that when you do deep cleaning, the more you do the dirtier everything looks? I'm just appalled by the filth that we're currently living with. I was able to get my bathroom scrubbed yesterday during naptime and that felt wonderful.

Now I just need to attack the rest of the house with as much fervor. Instead I'm blogging, sipping coffee, and thinking about the luxurious shower that I'm going to take in a few minutes. My back is yelling at me a bit, but I hope to at least finish the daycare room and work on scrubbing down my kitchen. There's just so many piles everywhere. Does anyone else live with PBD (pile build-up disorder)? No matter how many times you clear the same spots over and over the piles just come back? And they grow from one flat surface to another until you have no table space, no kitchen counters, no desk space, you get the idea. It's a very huge problem in our house and has been for years. I can't seem to get rid of it! Perhaps there is some secret that I have yet to stumble upon?

Anyways, I'm looking forward to later today. My cousin and great friend is treating me and my little one to lunch and then we're going to come back here, watch the kiddos run around and play in the yard and the kiddie pool, and just relax. Preggo might have to take a turn in the kiddie pool as it's supposed to get up to 92 degrees today. Yikes! I guess I won't be working in the garden today. I'm hoping to drag my butt out of bed early tomorrow and tackle the garden before it warms up outside. The weeds are out of control! Anyways, I digressed. This great friend has moved here recently from a far away land and I think this is the first time we're going to get to hang for a bit where we're not so rushed for one reason or another. I think we've both had a hectic few weeks, so it'll feel good just to have time to plop down and be and catch up! There's nothing so soothing to the soul as time with a good friend!

I plan to work on my birth basket this weekend, even if that means running out and buying stuff I can't afford right now. I just need it done - for my own mental sanity. Not to mention that as of Sunday I'll be 37 weeks - fair game for my home birth should I go into labor at any point. I also should probably pack a hospital bag in case of transfer. And we need to clean out our car and get the infant seat installed. Also, we still need to finish up Boo's room and I have piles upon piles upon piles of clean laundry to put away in our bedroom before we can even begin to put the cosleeper up. I actually chipped away at the laundry piles the other night, but they're so huge that it doesn't look like I did anything. Don't you love that?

Anyways, wow, this post has turned into some kind of online to do list! I'm sure everyone was just dying to know everything I need to get done!

T has had clinicals for his CNA class all week. He's enjoying them and doing well. It seems that many of the residents as well as the staff really like him. I'm excited for him. He's seen so much success since starting on his journey towards nursing. It's been good for him to experience that and I'm very proud of him to have the courage to break out of a dead end job and walk the tightrope that is the midlife career change. It's not an easy road by any means. We've had several obstacles so far, some in the near future, and some unknowns that will continue to pop up along the way. It's been hard and stressful, but every time I imagine attending his college graduation my eyes start to get weepy. Of course, that could just be the pregnancy hormones! Probably not though - there's something so heartwarming about seeing someone you love succeed and getting to be a small part of that.

So this post I guess turned into a mish mash of everything I guess. Very random - exactly the pointless posting I'm trying to avoid. Oh well - can I blame preggo brain yet again?

Up and At 'Em

2011-05-23T07:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I've got the up part right at least. I'm awake. I'm munching on my cereal and giving serious thought to some coffee this morning.

Yesterday was a good day. I got out of the house with my family for a bit and that felt wonderful, even if all we did was go downtown for a bit. I picked up some shampoo from the local natural health store and some incense while hubby sat at the bakery and studied his CNA stuff. Let me tell you, it's fun trying to explore different shampoo options with a three year old boy. I pretty much had to hold him down in a straight jacket sort of way while I scooted along the floor looking reading the various labels on the bottom shelf. Oy - his love of running, knocking things off of shelves, and just being a general pill really gets to me some days. Last night I left the Oxi-clean bucket on the cart in the kitchen while I was working on laundry and my son apparently thought that our dog Wally needed some Oxi-clean in his food container. A good third full food container. So, needless to say, hubby had to run out super early this morning before his CNA class and buy a brand new bag of dog food. And of course like clockwork he comes home with the wrong food...again. Our dog keeps getting switched foods for this reason. *sigh* Do I sound grumpy? I am. I'm grumpy in all of my almost 9 months pregnant glory. Anyways, I started out saying that yesterday was a good day. And it was. I finally got little man's hair cut. He's been needing one for oh, I don't know, a month or so. He was kind of starting to resemble a sheep dog. Poor little man's were hanging down past his eyes and he was getting called a girl left and right. Ummm...oops. So we got his haircut. He got to have chocolate while I cut his hair. He left a big chunk on the floor which I promptly forgot about before I let the dog out to play. So between the chocolate and the Oxi-clean it seems that we're trying to kill off our dog. So I'm really hoping that our dog doesn't develop diarrhea today because all I really need is to have to bend over and clean dog crap out of a crate periodically throughout today. Anyways, back to yesterday. I got loads upon loads of laundry done. See, I was just hoping the rapture would happen and that I wouldn't actually have to do the laundry. Bummer. I probably did 5 or 6 loads yesterday. Now I just need to get them upstairs with the mounds of clean clothes that need to be put away. That's the part of laundry that I never seem to get to, but I'm really tired of digging for clothes. I'm sick of the fact that I've been unable to wear some of my cute maternity clothes because they're too buried in clean clothes upstairs and I can never find what I want to get dressed in the morning. Ugh - I've launched into whining again. Maybe grumpy pregnant people should be banned from blogging! Anyways, my back is currently saying "thank you" to me for all of the bending and reaching that accompanies countless loads of laundry. I have a pile of dishes, at least some of which is going to need to be done if I must feed children all day long. And I must - I expect their parents wouldn't be too happy with me if I decided not to feed them so as not to create more dirty dishes! I did buy paper plates to help me get through hubby's second crazy week of his CNA class, which is causing him to be completely unavailable. I just wish I had thought to buy paper cups. I had a thought last night as I was thinking how overwhelmed I am right now as to how single moms do everything for themselves and children day in and day out and work full-time. All I can say is I'm not worthy and I'd drown in depression I think if I had to try. This place is still difficult to keep up with when hubby is around to lend a hand. But it seems impossible when he's not. But perhaps it's just me - perhaps I haven't learned how to be efficient enough, hardworking enough, or fill in the blank. I don't know. I go back and forth between feeling sorry for my bloaty, achy pregnant self and thinking that I just need to push harder and it would all get done.

All in all, I wish fairy godmothers really existed - the good kind in Cinderella, not the evil wench in Shrek. I'd call her up and with a bit of bippity boppity boo my house would be spotless, the birth basket would be ready, everything would be scrubbed, newborn cloth diapers would be prepped, and I'd be ready to get my birthing on!

I Am Woman - I Can Birth

2011-05-18T07:16:00.002-05:00

My birth pool came was delivered yesterday. I haven't had a chance to take it out and set it up yet. We'll be doing our practice run this weekend hopefully. But I did look at the instructions and I got a bit, well, excited. Yes, excited to give birth! I feel as though I've gone through a slight transformation this pregnancy. I entered pregnancy knowing that I wanted to do things differently and knowing that I wanted a home birth. But I still had apprehension and nagging doubts about my abilities - my ability to handle this, my body's ability to work right, etc...I took a lovely birth class as a way of boosting my confidence and I have to say that I really think it helped. Also, I've been going through the Hypnobabies home study course thanks to a friend who lent it to me and I LOVE it. Part of the course is listening to a positive affirmations track every day. I've been able to keep up with this most days. I feel this has been very powerful for me - hearing over and over about how my birth is going to be wonderful, my baby is going to come easily, everything will go right, etc...It's gotten me into a good head space. Obviously, birth comes with no guarantees, but having a calm and peaceful frame of mind will only be of benefit should I need to be more flexible with my plans during the birthing day.

This birth is going to be different in other ways too. With my son it was only my husband and I around, well, along with the medical staff anyways. This time my oldest friend, who I just adore to pieces, will be photographing my birth for me. My mom will be on "Boo duty" so that he is able to stay and be a part of the experience as much or as little as he wants. I like that my hubby won't have to worry about snapping pictures this time around and he can just be. Be whatever I need him to be in each moment. There will of course be the midwife and her assistant. I'm kind of excited that I might know the assistant coming. Provided she's available when I go into labor, the assistant will actually be the woman who taught my birth class. I'm actually pretty excited about that. So I kind of feel like I should buy some party hats or something. It feels like a huge group to me, but in reality there's probably still fewer people overall than there were when I labored in the hospital. I think it feels bigger because it's more people that I know. But I'm really okay with it and of course I'm reserving the right to tell anyone extra "Nevermind. Go home," if that's what needs to happen. I don't think that will be the case - but hey, a laboring woman can do anything she wants when it comes to those sorts of things!

I'm excited because I realize that I've come from a state of mind where I apprehensively wanted this home birth, but still felt nervous to a point where I'm excited about it and ready to hop in the birthing pool now. I feel calm and powerful and well, like a woman!

I Am Still Here

2011-05-16T14:42:00.002-05:00

I really really miss blogging, but my energy and focus has been lacking lately. As I've been trying hard to decrease the number of rambly blog posts and increase posts with focus and a point, I've just stayed away from my blog altogether. However, it's been so long that I feel I must write something, even if it's rambly, anticlimactic, and devoid of anything informative and/or useful.

I guess I'll start with a quick run-down of what's been going on in my life. I'm now 34 weeks pregnant. For baby's health I want baby to "bake" as long as possible. But I do admit that I find myself longing for a 38 or 39 week baby at times, even though I don't really mean it. I'm just so ready to be done. I think pregnancy is amazing and I do enjoy the process for the most part. It's just the last few months that are not so enjoyable. I will say that I feel less miserable at this stage in my pregnancy than I felt during this stage with my son. I've been very active - running the daycare, creating a bedroom for Boo, trying to complete various projects around the house, attempting to keep up with the housework, and creating my garden. I'm upright and moving around most of the day and actually I'm sure that this has decreased my misery. It's crazy how that works sometimes. I had a training on Saturday for daycare during which I had to sit for 6 hours straight. I went prepared with my birth ball. I fidgeted the entire time, shifting from my birth ball to the chair to the floor and everything in between, but that one day of sitting felt worse than three days of daycare. I was an exhausted and miserable mess at the end of it. I was also a grump all weekend as a result. It took me the entire weekend of lying around to feel rested from that much sitting. Weird, huh?

Boo's bedroom is almost done. Almost. I wish I could say it was done. Oh I really really wish I could. It makes me crazy that it's not. It is coming together. The painting is done. The magnetic chalkboard closet doors are completed. The bed needs to be finished - it's getting there. The carpets need a good cleaning. They seriously haven't been cleaned since we moved in June of 2010. The entire floor of this room was covered with boxes for so long that I couldn't even get to the floor to vacuum it. So I'm looking forward to giving the floor a good vacuum. We have a table and chairs set that we're likely going to order for the room. Boo is very excited. He's watched the progress every step of the way. Originally I wanted to shut off the room and do a big reveal at the end and surprise him, but it makes him so happy to be a part of the process that we've been showing him every step of the way instead. He's very excited about the super hero bedroom - a little less excited when I explained to him that mommy was not planning on sleeping on one level of the bunk bed. But I'm sure he'll adjust to his bed as he's ready. We're not so worried about the actual sleeping in his room part. That will come with time. I'll just be so excited when the toys that I keep tripping over in our family room are no longer there because they have a bedroom to go to. I'm tired tired tired of the clutter in the family room and we just can't begin to do anything about it until his room is done!

One of my favorite people has moved back to the area and getting to see her a few times has been so uplifting, even though it's been rushed and when I've been tired. We're both so busy right now - she with relocating and me with various projects plus a grant program for the daycare that's consuming some extra time right now. So I look forward to spending less harried time with her as I know that will be so soothing to my soul - good friends always are!

So, I'm still here trying to keep my focus on one day at a time as it'd be really easy to get overwhelmed with everything right now if I try to think about it all at once. I don't know how much blogging I'll do in the weeks to come, but I hope to keep from disappearing completely anyways.

A Good Read on Praise

2011-04-30T07:47:00.003-05:00

Behavior Modification: Praise

I've been meaning to post a link to this for awhile. For the past year or so I've been working extremely hard on cutting out non-stop praise to my child. This has been a hard habit to break. My journey started after reading the book Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. This is one of those books that I will likely need to reread several times and perhaps smack myself with it a few times in order for the concepts to sink in. What I love about this book is that it's not another compilation of parenting techniques and/or methods of coercing a child into right behavior. This book introduces a complete paradigm shift on parenting and the role of a parent in a child's life. I'd highly recommend this for anyone, even if the end result is that a person doesn't agree with anything. This is one of those books that really causes you to think about how you're raising your children and why you're doing it the way that you are. I think the thing that I love is also the thing that makes this book difficult. It's not a step by step how to book on parenting. A person won't read this and know exactly what to do in a given parenting situation. Rather, reading this book will cause a parent to think differently about the situation at hand. It's very challenging and has probably been one of the books that has helped me the most in terms of shifting out of rewards/consequences parenting that is based on behavioral methods.

I think Hippie Housewife made some great points in her blog. I've definitely seen praise in action. As someone who trained and worked in the field of child development, I was taught to deliver a nonstop stream of praise to children. As an infant teacher I would praise a child, "Good job putting the triangle in the hole!" This sounds harmless, but here's what I've come to realize. Prior to the praise the child was hard at work figuring out the shape sorter toy. The little gears were turning in his head and he was intent on exploring the different shapes and shaped holes. Once praise enters the picture, the child has stopped focusing on the shape sorter and is now focusing on me and my reaction. Rather than continuing to work and experiencing the internal joy of figuring things out, the child is now excited by my reaction. It's easy for me to see how an ongoing pattern of such interruptions to a child's activities could cause a child to look to others for rewards as opposed to being satisfied with internal feelings of satisfaction. Another example I can think of is when I worked in a residential care facility where children were brought up on point cards and awarded positive points for "good" behaviors. I can tell you that I saw many of these seemingly "good" children engaged in completely different behaviors when no one was looking. Those children who had been at the facility a long time and had years of this sort of training seemed to lack very basic internal motivation to behave morally. This is a more extreme example, but still the result of constant external motivators nonetheless.

It is very hard though. I catch myself saying to Boo things like, "What a great drawing!" and "Good job building with blocks!" all the time. No, they're not inherently evil things to say, but better responses would focus on what he drew and discussing his drawing with him. "You used a lot of blue in that spot," or in block building "You put two towers on that castle."

I am as always a work in progress as a mother. This is one of those habits that is extremely hard to break, but I will keep trying!

Anyone Else Think This is Terrible?

2011-04-26T13:45:00.003-05:00

I was flipping through my Parents' Magazine today. By the way I have no idea how I get it or why. I've never paid for a subscription and I pretty much never agree with much of the content. But every time that it comes in the mail I still flip through it for some reason. Well today in a section about children's sleep I read a snippet about what parents can do if their four year old wants to come in their bed with them during the night. A sleep expert from some hospital (I already threw magazine away or else I'd be more specific) suggested cold turkey as an option, stating that parents could simply lock their bedroom door after putting their little one to bed and let their little one adjust that way. I was horrified when I read this!

Am I being overly sensitive here? I mean, I know many people who do not make the choices we do. Many people are not comfortable co-sleeping with their three year old as we are and prefer for their children to be in their own beds/rooms. But I can't imagine any of them doing this with such little sensitivity. If I locked my bedroom door after putting Boo in bed in a separate room the poor child would cry hysterically at the door and probably fall asleep crying on the floor in front of our door. That breaks my heart. I don't think any child should have to experience that. There are better ways. Granted, other methods are probably not as quick and take more time and effort on the part of the parent, but they're much more respectful of children's feelings. I just don't understand why anyone would think it necessary to let a child be so upset in order to get them in their own bed! This advice fails to respect the fact that this child is a human being. Not to mention, four is an age where fear of the dark is very common. Many children would not only be sad about not being with mom and dad, but would be terrified if left in this position.

I'm so sad that Mothering magazine discontinued their print editions. It was nice to get a parenting magazine in the mail that didn't have such inconsiderate parenting advice.

I'm sorry if I sound self-righteous and judgemental. I try really hard to talk about things that I'm in support of versus things that I'm against so that I can steer clear of being a judgemental jerk on my blog, but this advice really really got to me.

Homeschooling - What It Will Mean for Us

2011-04-25T13:43:00.002-05:00

The Perversive Effect of Tests, Scores, and Grades

I came across this post in my blog reading today and really enjoyed it. I've read similar posts and articles, but I thought this one was a concise and easy read.

I think there's so many ideas out there about why people homeschool. And truly for many families there's several reasons for choosing homeschooling, not just one reason. One of the fallacies I hear often is that homeschoolers are trying to shelter their children, protect them from the real world, and all that nonsense. Granted, there probably are some families out there for which this is true, but for most homeschoolers this is simply not the case!

Many many homeschoolers have a problem with the way education is run in this country. Kiddos are being pressured to perform constantly and with terrible results. With all of the emphasis on testing and performance one would think we'd be much higher up on the totem pole so to speak as far as our global standing in student performance. But we're not!

As a future homeschooler I have no plans to "do school" at home. Some homeschoolers take this approach and hey, to each his own. But if I wanted to use the school methods I might as well send my kiddo to school! Instead I scoured the available methods and materials available and settled on one that does not focus on testing and performance. Rather the focus is on learning. I can tell you from firsthand experience that a person can test well and perform without learning squat. Just drill me on things that I should know from my years of education (I was one of those "good" students) and my lack of knowledge will likely shock you! It's terrible and I feel terrible that I can't remember basic facts that I feel like I should know. But the reality is that I didn't learn these things. I crammed them into my head as quickly as possible in order to pass certain tests and perform well. The information was never assimilated properly and now I'm left with years sitting at school desks that could have been better spent experiencing life! I'm actually looking forward to homeschooling my own because I'll get a fresh chance to learn with them!

One of the things that we'll be doing different is delaying formal schooling. Some homeschoolers choose to do this. We won't be starting kindergarten at the age of five. Instead, until my child is six or seven we will follow interests. So in the eyes of others, he may be "behind." This is going to be hard for me as I want to prove to the world what a genius my child is and having grown up with the "performance mindset" it's easy for me to fall into the trap of wanting my child to keep up with everyone else. But the reality is, starting a child earlier on concepts doesn't always produce the best results. In fact, there's a growing body of research out there that suggests that children would benefit more from more free play at an early age. This free play is a kind of early learning that develops a child's creative mind and sets the stage for applying the formal concepts that will be introduced during formal education. But the reality is, with all of the emphasis on testing and performance, for many children in the younger grades there's just not time for both!

This will be a learning process for us. I imagine that I will learn many ways not to handle Boo's schooling as well as stumble upon things that work brilliantly. I hope that in the process I can keep an open mind and always be on the lookout for Boo's response to his schooling. As much as possible, I want to support his natural love of learning and be careful to avoid things that put out the spark in his eye so to speak. It's going to be an adventure for sure!

Consequences as Punishment

2011-04-21T13:37:00.002-05:00

What's Wrong With Consequences to teach kids lessons?

I really enjoyed this article. This is something I'm working hard on and it doesn't come easily to me. Perhaps it's because so much of my life I've been thinking "I'll never spank and because of that I will have a different style of parenting." I think I've spent so much time feeling wonderful that we are a non-spanking household that it's taken me awhile to realize that punishment is punishment whether it's spanking, time-out, consequences, loss of privileges, etc...So while I entered parenthood firmly set against one style of punishment, others were allowed to sneak in like wolves in sheep's clothing! This has been a frustrating realization for me.

I do have positive discipline tools in my toolbox, but I often neglect to use them in favor of a control-based approach that yields quick results. This has been true the more pregnant I've become and the closer to four years old my child becomes. I think positive discipline is much more of a no-brainer when a child is two or younger. It definitely became more challenging at three and has become very very difficult at nearly four. Either that or it's the pregnancy hormones. Either way, I don't want to allow myself to slip into bad habits that will likely be hard to get out of later on.

Perhaps my personal need to feel in control works against my ability to use positive discipline with my child at times. There's also a certain amount of trust in positive discipline because children aren't as apt to respond with immediate compliance as they are with methods that are fear-based. So it's easy to feel like this isn't "working" in the moment. But I plan to hang in there, even if it feels like it's by a toenail at times. I do believe that the benefits of avoiding punishment will be seen in the long-term as I watch my children turn into young adults and make their way in the world. It's just going to take a whole lot of trust!

Lest anyone be confused, I'm not talking about a style of parenting called permissive parenting.

What's Wrong With Permissive Parenting

I absolutely believe in setting limits, saying no to children when it's necessary, and allowing them to experience some not so pleasant natural consequences of their behaviors. I think positive parenting can feel like a line sometimes. I don't want to fall to one side or I'll be using that controlling, authoritarian parenting style that is associated with all kinds of poor psychological and emotional outcomes for children. (Parenting Styles and its Correlates) I don't want to fall to the other side or I'll be using a permissive parenting style that neglects to guide and teach my children.

I will continue to read books and articles that challenge me to be better and hope that someday the lack of punishment and the use of positive discipline in our household becomes more automatic and natural for us as a family.

Yell yell yell

2011-04-20T14:43:00.002-05:00

Two blogs in one day? Well, it's been awhile and everyone's asleep and I'm too tired to go put laundry away as I should. I just read this article and thought it was interesting.

Shouting is the New Spanking

I can definitely relate to this post. Yelling is what happens when I'm overtired, overstressed, over fill-in-the-blank. I've personally found that the best way to combat this is not more parenting techniques. I've got quite a few of those at my disposal, not that I couldn't use more or do better with the things I have learned, but usually this is not the problem when I get to yell mode with Boo. Usually I need me time, rest and relaxation, hot tea, you name it. A glass of wine when I'm not preggo...mmm...wine.

I guess if I wanted to be smart about this, I'd sit down and figure out what my triggers are, when I'm most likely to yell, etc...and develop a plan to back myself off when I feel a yell coming on. Easier said than done. It's a no brainer if hubby is here to take a break, hop in a hot bath, and escape for a bit. It takes a lot more creativity to combat yelling when hubby is at class or otherwise occupied. So perhaps it's a matter of finding creative solutions when the easy option is not available.

I definitely think it's worth the effort to continue to try to do better and be better for my child. But I do feel defeated some days, knowing that no matter how hard I try I won't ever reach that perfect ideal. Ah - such is life. Perfection is an ideal, something to strive for, but never truly in our grasp!

Just In Case Anyone Was Wondering

2011-04-20T13:03:00.002-05:00

It's the question many parents have wondered at one time or another. That all important life changing question. Yes, how does one safely remove an object lodged in a child's nose? That's the one you were thinking of, wasn't it?

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t110215.asp

Well, there you have it. That's what I googled this morning. I had tried the blow it out method to no avail and was afraid of doing something wrong lest I cause the green pea, Boo's object of choice, further up the nose. I love love love my child. But why why why? I *know* in my head that this is a developmentally normal experiment for a 3 year old to try and I'm so glad that Boo has such a curious and inquisitive spirit, but sometimes I wish he would pass on certain experiments. Luckily he told me right away. He was pretty upset that he couldn't get it out. Honestly, I'm a bit glad that he was upset about it. Not enough to feel traumatized forever, but hopefully enough to not try this again.

Gardening and I

2011-04-11T17:20:00.006-05:00

Gardening and I
Go Together
Like Fish and Pie

At least that's how I feel right now. I love the idea of having a vegetable garden, a useful herb garden, and a flower garden of sorts. The problem is that I currently lack the know how and time to do it all right now. I admit that I've longed to be blessed with the so called "green thumb", but I do have to wonder if anyone is really born with a "green thumb". I kind of wonder if it isn't cultivated over time, slowly as a garden. Wouldn't that be fitting?

When we bought our house last year we closed mid May and moved in at the very beginning of June. By that time some areas of our lovely yard that had clearly at one time been designated as "garden areas" were overgrown with weeds. So we did the best we could last year just trying to keep the weeds at bay. I vowed that this year I would do justice to these areas. Well, here we are during gardening and planting season and I'm a bit clueless. I admit that I won't have the time and/or resources to do everything that I'd like to do.

Project #1 on my list is going to be tomatoes. I grew tomatoes several years in a row and well, once you've had tomatoes from your own garden, there's just no going back! I had such an abundance the first year that I grew tomatoes that I roasted my excess with garlic, pureed, froze in ice cube trays and had a good supply for much of winter. It was lovely - so much better than store bought sauce for pastas and such! The area for this project is a strip of land right by the garage. There's a bit of weediness in the area. I'm trying to figure out the best way to clear it without resorting to the dig it out method. I'm thinking that a tiller would work for this?

Project #2 is our front yard. In my mind I see beautifully landscaped raised bed gardens on either side of the steps in our front yard. The reality? We have neither the time or the budget for that this year. Soooo, I think this is what I've decided. I'm going to throw some landscaping fabric or newspaper down, a bunch of soil on top, mulch over the soil, and call it done for the year. Hopefully that will keep the weeds from taking over. During the year I can buy the retaining wall blocks of my choice a little bit at a time so that by next year I have the supplies I need to do a raised bed garden on either side of our front steps. It sounds good to me. I'm open to ideas and know how on this one!

Project #3 is an area in our backyard that's right by our patio. There were some leafy plants there when we moved in, but not knowing what was what I weedwhacked through everything when I was trying to keep weeds at bay. Now this area is covered with more green leafy stuff that has tiny violet flowers everywhere and a few ferny looking things. I really just want to clear out the area and start fresh so that I know what's what. I'd love to have stuff planted in there this year, but I don't know if that's too ambitious or not. How do I best get rid of the weedy stuff that's there? I don't want to go the dig it out route. I did that one year to get rid of sod to make room for a garden and it took me forever! Can I rent a tiller and till it weeds and all and then plant, put landscape fabric or newspaper around plants, and then mulch? I don't even know what a tiller looks like, let alone how to use one. Is that even the right thing for this kind of job?

Can you tell that I'm really hoping that someone who knows a fair bit about gardening reads this post and imparts beautiful green thumb wisdom to me?

On another note, while I was pulling out some dead weeds or bushes or something out of the Project #3 area today Boo started running his hands through the mud, smearing it around, and pushing the garden hoe around. It made me smile. There's something inside of me that feels like all is right when my little one is exploring dirt with his hands. Could this be some sort of primal instinct left from ancestors who worked the earth in order to eat and live? I don't know. I have to admit that there's something about working through dirt, digging, growing, and eating fresh veggies that just makes me uber happy!

So hopefully we'll have some fun working the dirt together and getting plants in the ground while it's still planting season!

We'll Pass On The Punishment

2011-04-07T07:19:00.003-05:00

In our home we work very hard to never punish our child. WHAT?? Yes, you read that correctly. No punishment ever is my goal, however I'm human and fail very much. But I don't agree with popular opinion that punishment is desirable or necessary in order to raise a "good" child.

I'm not going to go into huge detail because I found a post that covers this topic quite brilliantly. It's a really great read. Even for those who may disagree with my stance, her article brings up a lot of food for thought. The blogger is a christian and goes into the religious aspects of this parenting choice. But she also provides enough explanation that is not religious in nature, so I believe it's a great post for all.

Behavior Modification: Punishment

I think the hardest thing for me is being consistent with this. It is very difficult to break out of the punishment mindset when that's how a person was raised. This is the place I find myself in. I know what I want to do and what I believe and yet fall back on earlier programming when I'm tired and frustrated. It's much easier for me to stick with my big rule of no spanking since I've had this personal rule grounded into my head for years upon years. What's harder for me is the other forms of punishment. Loss of privilege, time out, and shaming are ones for me that can creep in easily if allow them to. I can look back and see that I've made progress, but there's still a lot of room for improvement!

Another thing that I'm finding hard to deal with is other people. It's amazing how many people step up and try to punish my child for me when I'm out somewhere with him. I've seen this at church as well as other places. Nobody is trying to spank my child or anything like that, but I am shocked by how many people feel the need to start shaming my child when he is behaving "inappropriately." Subtle comments meant to punish are very common in our society. "Big boys don't act like that," and "Don't say that to your mommy. I don't like that and that makes your mommy sad," (the latter one while Boo was making a valid attempt to express some anger he was feeling). And I don't say this to come across as high and mighty because I've resorted to similar guilt-inducing statements in the moment. But as a mom it's hard to know how to deal with a well-meaning person when they see it fitting to shame my child. I admit that it's easier for me to jump immediately to a defensive and snippy response than to kindly and calmly inform them that shaming is not something we use with our child.

Since I seem to have gone off a bit on the whole aspect of shaming as a form of punishment, here's an article about the effects of shame on children.

"Good" Children - At What Price? The Secret Cost of Shame

Where I need to continue to grow in my journey is to not resort to punishment and to learn how to assert myself with others so that they are not pushing punitive methods onto my child. Does parenting ever get any easier? Wouldn't it be nice if one day we could actually "arrive" at being the ideal parent?

Special Times with Touch

2011-04-06T14:18:00.004-05:00

When Boo was an infant I bought this infant massage book. We rarely got through an entire massage when he was an infant and I wasn't overly consistent with it, but it was always very special when I made time to do this with Boo.

As Boo grew older, massage kind of fell by the wayside and I kind of forgot about this special way of connecting with my little man. Enter pregnancy and third trimester fatigue and irritability. I know I've written a lot of posts lately about this fatigue, struggle to be a loving mom, and associated stress. So pardon me another such post please!

In my brainstorming efforts, massage resurfaced and beckoned to me. I got out my Aromatherapy and Massage for Mother and Baby book and made up a basic pregnancy massage oil. The recipe called for Almond, but I didn't have any almond oil in the house. So I used apricot oil for mine instead. I added my tangerine and lavendar essential oils, which were the suggested ones. I must say that it smells a bit on the heavenly side!

Starting this past weekend and several days since then Boo and I have had special massage times during which I attempt to massage his feet or "footies" as I like to call them in the moment. He's very ticklish on his feet, so sometimes this works and sometimes not. But he's always pretty eager to try. Then he gets very excited to hold his little hands out for a bit of oil and rub it on mommy. He loves to massage my preggo belly for me. This feels great on my stretchmarked belly and we talk to baby while we massage. It's been wonderful to hear Boo talk to his sibling while he rubs my belly and it's such a relaxing time for both of us.

This all made me very curious about massage with children. The book that I have is pretty specific to infants, so I decided to do what I always do when I get curious. I googled. Here's an article that talks about the benefits of massage for children. I thought it was pretty interesting anyways. I guess it's just one more resource that links human touch to positive outcomes.

Here's another one. This isn't specific to massage. But it's about human touch. This is a blog written about skin to skin touch for siblings. It made me cry - not hard to do when you're in your third trimester of pregnancy, but whatever!

Skin to Skin Bonding

Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever read? I admit that I'm a huge believer in skin to skin bonding. When Boo was a baby I gave up on the baby bathtub - I HATED every single one that I tried. So into the tub with mommy he went. And he LOVED it and so did I. It was so relaxing to settle into the warm water with my little one. He would often nurse during this time when he was an infant. It was much more relaxing to me not trying to hold up a squirming baby in an akward position in a baby bathtub contraption. As he grew he eventually started taking baths on his own. But even now we still enjoy the occasional bath together and it's still a wonderful bonding experience. In fact, last Saturday we had one of those dreaded meltdown moments where nothing seemed to work. I had just arrived home from a pampering session at a salon and was resting on the couch when Boo woke up from nap. He came downstairs and sat on my lap and just cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. I tried everything under the sun. Are you hungry? Still tired? Have a bad dream? You name it.I know that he really really had not wanted me to leave earlier that day and so I suspect that may have had something to do with it. Finally I said, do you want to take a bath with mommy? He cried for another minute, then hopped up and ran to the bathroom and started stripping. Crisis over. We happily reconnected and both of our stress levels plummeted. It will be a bit bittersweet when he outgrows this kind of connecting, so for now I will attempt to delight in these special times.

The Loveless Place - Part 1: The Introduction

2011-04-05T06:56:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, before I ever experienced the joy of pregnancy or birthed my own child, I became a mother. Not in the biological sense and not in the legal sense of the word, but in responsibility. I graduated college in 2001 with my BA in Sociology. I wanted to work with children, make a difference, and leave their lives a little better for having known me. I have to laugh at that type of thinking now. It's not terrible to want those things, but how egocentric to think that I alone would be the force that would change a child's life for the better. But this is what I wanted and it's what I set out to do and it's what I believe I failed miserably at.

Enter the Loveless Place as it shall be called. It's a real place with a real name, but I guess I want to tread carefully since this place still exists and operates. Not for protection of a place that I now despise, but because I don't know the rules of blogging and slander when it comes to institutions. As a potential employer, Loveless Place promised me what I was looking for. An opportunity to work with children in a very personal way and be a part of shaping them into better functioning individuals. I immediately applied for a position. The interview went well and I fell for their program hook, line, and sinker.

Really I'm not sure how I got suckered in. The looks of Loveless Place would be enough to turn just about anyone off. The drive into the place, through a gate and guard on duty, showed a cheerless line of buildings. Old. Gray. Cold. The houses in which many of the children lived were much the same. Old, institutional looking, and free of the warmth that is usually found where children are present.

As I previously stated, my interview went well. I passed their psychological exam and sexual predator screening. I completed my fingerprinting and my physical exam. I packed my bags, my parents and I loaded the U-haul, and we were off. Upon arrival, I moved my belongings into one room in a cheerless gray house. I met the inhabitants. They were polite little girls between the ages of 7 and 10. They stood in a perfectly straight line to shake my hand and greet me. Perhaps that should have been my first warning sign. A straight and silent procession of greetings from such little ones as opposed to bombarding me with noise as only a group of little children can.

This was my arrival, the beginning of my artificially induced "motherhood" for lack of a better word. And this is a good stopping place. There will be so much to say that this will be a series of posts. I'm not a great planner when it comes to my blogging, so I don't know how many parts will be necessary until I feel done with this topic. I don't even know at this point everything that I will cover. But I know that there is a lot that is inside of me regarding my experiences that needs to get out. My hope in posting all of this is to take others on my journey, process through my own thoughts and feelings, and move on. I hope to challenge some popular beliefs regarding children and behavior along the way and perhaps explore and/or advocate for alternatives.So I guess we shall see together what this series will become!

Mental Energy - Wahoo!

2011-04-04T13:03:00.002-05:00

It goes without saying that mental energy is so important to functioning for anyone. In motherhood it can make the difference between Momzilla and functioning somewhere closer to that gentle mother ideal. Well, I have been blessed with some renewed mental energy this week and it feels wonderful. I think I know what made the difference. Yesterday we invited Boo's Grandma over to play with him. She is very playful and he always has a great time when he sees her. Sadly, we're not the greatest at making time for them to be together. Having Boo happy and occupied freed hubby and I up considerably to get some things done. As for hubby, he was stuck doing a paper for school. But I got quite a bit of stuff done upstairs. I still have a ways to go, but I was able to clear a lot of space out of our bedroom by getting laundry put away, packing away some of Boo's outgrown clothing (sniff sniff), clearing some things out of Boo's bedroom to be, and I even set up a small sewing area for me in our bedroom. It's not quite done. I have some sewing stuff thrown in random boxes that needs a spot, but it's getting there. Hurray! So hopefully that means that I'll actually do some sewing!

Seeing Boo's bedroom to be clearer of junk has made me feel so wonderful. It's interesting that I had to drain myself physically in order to feel better mentally. I admit that I wasn't sure about my decision when I got out of bed this morning. During my morning waddle to the bathroom, I wondered if I had overdone it. And let's just be honest. It wasn't even a waddle. I felt like a beginning toddler walker trying not to fall over the whole way there. My lower back was screaming at me, "What were you thinking??!!" BUT as I continued to shuffle around with my achy back, the shuffle became a waddle and the achiness subsided. It was well worth the temporary discomfort because I have just felt so mentally light today, if that makes any sense. I have a feeling that the more things we accomplish towards Boo's bedroom and preparing for baby the closer I will get to a mentally peaceful state.

On another note, I got some majorly cute diapers in the mail today that I ordered for our little one. I'm excited to try them out. Yes, I know it's weird, but once a person tries cloth diapering diapers become exciting for some reason! I mean, they have cute little giraffes on the outside. What's not to love?

Balance during Busyness

2011-04-03T13:31:00.004-05:00

Well, I meant to get my blogger award posted this weekend, but hubby has hijacked my computer all weekend. He's running out for an errand, so I'm hoping I have time to complete an entire post while he's gone. In his defense, he's hijacked the computer for a very good reason. He's been working on a paper for school. Poor guy - he's so ready for a break. I am too. It's interesting that he's the one in school, but I'm feeling the stress also. It's one of those things that easily creeps into family life.

Many parenting books talk about balance. Balance is such a great concept, one that I wholeheartedly agree with. But it can be hard. Sometimes we have seasons of life where things are busy busy busy and there's just not much that's optional that can be cut out. I think this is where we find ourselves right now. We made the choice for hubby to go to school, so of course classes and time for schoolwork are not optional. My business is supporting the family and so my work is not optional. Our birthing class takes up time, but while this would be optional for some, when I look at my parenting and birthing priorities, there was no question of us needing to partake in this. This class has been everything I hoped it would. I feel much more confident approaching my home birth as a result of having this set time on a weekly basis to learn about and discuss birth. I also feel encouragement in learning more and more how my body was designed to give birth naturally! Since we have an hour ride to and from class, it's been a great time of togetherness for hubby and I to focus on our birth. With all of the other commitments in our life right now, I'm not sure that we would be intentionally discussing labor and birth if we did not have a set time carved out of our schedule for this. I think we've grown closer as a couple as a result. Church is another commitment we have and should not be optional, but I admit that with everything else going on we've definitely chosen to sleep in a few Sundays out of sheer exhaustion. I was happy that I was up for Mass today and took Boo, who's always so happy to go. Hubby stayed behind and worked on his paper. We do have Boo's parent/tot tumbling class on Saturday mornings and that is definitely not a necessity, but it's a really nice time of family togetherness and physical activity. Boo loves to go and the teacher is really wonderful and seems to have a great understanding of this age group. She's never pushy with doing activities the "right" way (unless it's a safety issue of course), she knows how to be respectful of children's space, and she's very encouraging of his accomplishments.

One of the key pieces of advice that I hear from books when it comes to balance is cutting out the things that are not necessary. Well, I've listed all of our commitments. I think the thing is that the few we've chosen, with the exception of the tumbling class, are very time-consuming and life changing. So while it may not sound like much, I assure you that it feels like very much. Also, being an introvert, I think that I can personally handle fewer commitments than an extrovert could, so I know that this plays into my perceived level of stress a bit. I do feel that until hubby is done with school, this level of busyness is what we're going to be dealing with. So, other than cutting things out, how does one find balance during a season of life that is just busy? Is it a matter of better managing stress? Perhaps I need to focus more on my relaxation exercises. Connecting with friends and family? Perhaps I'm on the right track in intentionally connecting with Boo more often. Taking care of myself? I admit the massage and hair color and cut yesterday felt great. So, as always I'm open to the wisdom of others!

Much Needed Connecting

2011-03-31T07:38:00.002-05:00

Well yesterday afternoon was wonderful. I was unexpectedly off work a bit early and Boo returned from a night with grandma and grandpa to a house with just mommy and no daycare kiddos. Yes, it was technically nap time. But given that Boo is 3 1/2 and doesn't necessarily need his nap every single day I figured it would be a good day to let it go. So we took advantage of the time to be together.

I asked Boo if he wanted to paint mommy's toenails. His answer was an emphatic "Yes!" So I got out my green shimmery nail polish. I started out dipping it for him so that it wouldn't be too messy. Whatever - he quickly took over with "No mommy. I do it!" So I gave up my need to control the polish and let him take charge. I have to admit that he was oh so careful with the way he dipped the brush and scraped the sides. I was pretty impressed actually. He joyfully painted each toenail and part of each toe for that matter. He was very proud of his work when he was done. Then he asked so sweetly "Will you help me build with trains mommy?"

Let me tell you that it's hard for me to sit with him and build trains. Perhaps this sounds terrible, but the reality is that there's no building involved for me. Every time I put a train track down it's in the "wrong" spot and he must move it. Silly mommy - doesn't know where things should go I guess. So usually after a few tries I give up and sit there. Because what he really means when he says, "Build trains with me mommy" is not as it seems. What he's really saying is "Mommy, can you sit and watch me and bask in my brilliance as I masterfully put all of the pieces in the right spot? Can you just sit with me and give me 100% attention and focus so that I know how special you think I am?" It's amazing what just a bit of time with me "just sitting there" does for his soul.

I ponder this idea as I've been frustrated, overtired, and screamo mom lately. It's the idea that just 15-20 minutes or so of 100% focused time is soothing to both of our souls. So often I pay attention to him while I cook dinner, while I check my facebook, while I read a chapter in whatever book I'm reading...while, while, while! I assure you that he knows the difference. And you know what happens when he's getting 20-30% of my attention he starts becoming hyperactive, destructive, a little on the edge of completely nutso! That in turn activates Screamo Mom and so begins a vicious cycle. So perhaps if I would stop my agenda long enough to "fill his tank" as I've heard in some parenting books, I could then continue with whatever it is I'm trying to do. Now, I hope this isn't coming across badly as though I see spending time with my child as something I'm aversive to or something that's an inconvenience. I adore spending time with my little one, but I think it's easy to get caught up in what I'm doing and think "One more minute. Okay. Almost done. Just a second longer," and on and on until it's been an hour. This has to feel defeating to Boo when he hears "just a minute" and that minute is actually an hour. Perhaps I need to be more okay with stopping in the middle of sending an e-mail, reading a chapter in a book, paying bills, or whatever task that seems like it just "has" to be done in one sitting. There will always be exceptions to this - I don't want to start any kitchen fires in the name of focused attention after all. But I have a feeling there are many more things that would be just fine if left to hang for 15-20 minutes or so while I connected with my little one. What if I made a point of doing this several times throughout my day each and every day? My guess is that some of Boo's more challenging behaviors would decrease. My mood might even level out a little from all of the connecting. Perhaps I should try this as an experiment today. Anyone else want to give it a go with me and see what happens? 100% attention in increments of at least 15-20 minutes each time as often as I think of it or as Boo seems to be requesting this in one way or another. Deep breath - I can try this today!

Respectfully Pregnant

2011-03-29T14:21:00.002-05:00

I've recently started reading the book Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids. I'm not very far into the book yet, but I can tell it's going to be a good one with lots of practical help. I hope to do a few in depth posts on the book as I get further into it. In the beginning, there's much talk about meeting your own needs. This is nothing new. In fact, many of the wonderful parenting books that I've read over the last several years have included a section on caring for oneself. I feel like I've done an okay job of this in the past, but feel very much as though I've hit a wall recently.

The title of this post is a bit of irony in that yes, I am pregnant, but I'm not feeling very respectful at the moment. I've reached that point in pregnancy where I'm uncomfortable and not sleeping well. There is something so maddening about getting up 3 or 4 times a night to pee or waking up extremely early and being absolutely unable to fall back asleep. I don't think I've seen the bags leave my eyes for the past few weeks. My hormones seem to be bouncing all over the place and I find myself getting irritated at the most minor of things. And here's the really crazy part - I'm only 27 weeks, just into third trimester. So I have awhile yet to go. And as for my parenting? Well, I feel like I'm living proof that a mother who is not well rested and comfortable is not very capable of being loving and gentle. This makes me sad. I want so much for my little one to have his feelings and opinions respected and not steamrolled. It's as if Invasion of the Body Snatchers has happened in our household and his mother has been replaced by Screamo Mom!

Of course when I'm not pregnant I've had my screamo moments. I mean, I think we all do as we work to become better mothers. But I feel like this has been a constant for the past week or so. It's interesting that I can be so loving and gentle with my daycare kiddos five days a week. But watch out 5:00pm when it's after hours! And of course the last thing I want my kiddo to see is his mommy being loving and patient with his friends, but not with him! Oh man, talk about feeling mommy guilt! Not to mention, the final three months of my pregnancy are the last three months that he's going to get mommy to himself before sharing with a sibling. Double mommy guilt!

I'd love to hear from others who have been through pregnancy with other children to care for. I'm open to all ideas that will help me to preserve my sanity! This is a first for me considering I obviously didn't have any children at home when I was pregnant with Boo. I know that proper nutrition and exercise of course helps. I admit that I caved to an oreo cookie craving earlier this week. So that has probably not helped. Mmm - oreos - I'm salivating already. I have noticed that sugar intake causes me to be moody and irritable.

It seems that this has been more of a venting post than I initially set out for it to be. Please forgive me on that one.

On a more upbeat note, I've been gifted a blogging award. I will post more on that later. There are some requirements to receiving the award as far as giving the same award to other bloggers and my brain has been in such a fog that I'm still trying to sort that part out. So, when I get my brain defogged and get it done, I will post!

Preparing Boo for the Home Birth of his Sibling

2011-03-28T08:00:00.001-05:00

Our current plan is for Boo to be present at the birth of his sibling. I found some great information here and thought I would pass it along.

Preparing an Older Sibling for a New Birth

Boo has always been high needs in terms of attention and emotions. He's a very sensitive little soul. So it has been with much consideration that we've decided that the right choice for him is to be at the birth. While I do think he might struggle with seeing mom in pain, I also think that he may feel incredibly left out if he leaves the house and there's all of a sudden a baby when he comes back home. Given his personality, it seems that he might adjust better to being a big sibling if he's a part of his sibling's birth day. We will continue to prep him and discuss birth with him and are of course open to a plan B if he should indicate in one way or another that being at the birth is not best for him.

Sometimes I've wondered if/how he's processing all of this birthing education. Being 3 1/2 and an active little boy he's not exactly prone to long drawn out conversations about his feelings on the matter. The other day we ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a long time at Target and upon being questioned about the fact that he was in fact going to be a big brother, Boo began to tell this person how when baby's big enough, baby will come out of mommy's door. Well, I guess he HAS been listening and comprehending in his own way!

We've been working on creating a bedroom for Boo. I had a frank conversation with T the other night about transitioning Boo to his bedroom and was so relieved to find that we are on the same page. That is, that the bedroom is there and Boo can choose to sleep in it and he can choose to continue to cosleep. The only change is that Boo has his spot on the edge of the bed and he will likely have to give up his spot on the end move to the middle. Little one's cosleeper will be attached to the edge of the bed and I definitely feel that given how Boo rotates and moves in his sleep I'll need to be between him and his baby! Hopefully he will manage that small change okay. Right now he throws a righteous fit if we ask him to sleep in the middle. I'm hoping that he might understand more with a baby there. This could backfire, so I guess we'll just have to play it by ear! I guess maybe the key for us will be to be flexible and creative in the way that we help Boo adjust.

I'm open to any suggestions of those who've been through this process before!

The "Goodness" of a Child

2011-03-27T09:14:00.004-05:00

I read this post today and it got me thinking about parenting and the "goodness" of a child. Here's a link to the post that activated my brain cells this morning.

Let's All Try Not to Be Jerks

To summarize, this mama recently had an experience at a store with her little one whereby her poor little guy was upset for some unknown reason and was very unhappy during her shopping excursion. Rather than receiving encouragement and/or sympathy, this mom felt hostility coming from other shoppers. I have to admit that I can't relate to this a ton in that in all of Boo's 3 1/2 years he's only lost it in public once. I do remember getting a few sympathetic looks that time and so I feel fortunate to have experienced that.

But what I have experienced is the opposite extreme. For the most part my child is polite and good-mannered when we're out and about. He does have his whiny moments and all, but nothing outright tantrumy usually. My point here is not what an angel my child can be, but that I often get compliments about how "quiet" he is, how "well-behaved", how "good." And I admit that as much as I'd like to puff up with mothery pride, there's always a part of me that wonders "Well, what if he was loud and kicking and screaming on the floor? What if bright lights and loud noises overstimulated him so much that he lost it each and every time I went into a store? Would this make him any less good?"

I get nervous at church where I have received several such comments on his "goodness". I wonder about how long this will last. Heaven forbid my child have a bad day in front of others. Will he then cease to be good? I have to wonder, what does this say about our culture and the value that is placed on children? A quiet child is a good child. So much for the child with so much spirit and zest for life that sitting still is an impossible feat. Or the child with such incredible depth of emotion and passion that life's daily challenges cause emotional overload and constant melt downs. Do things like this make a child bad?

I feel like this black and white thinking when applied to children is so very damaging. Children pick up on the perceptions of those around them. Will a child who was always seen as "good" grow into perfectionism later in life in order to continue to please those around him? Will a child seen as "bad" make choices that confirm that label later in life? Let's not view chidren as good or bad, but as colorful and wonderful individuals that are worth knowing and respecting. Wouldn't it be wonderful if as a society we could be supportive of the whole child, including the bad days and the meltdowns? What if we could likewise be supportive of frazzled mothers who are trying hard enough to simultaneously hold it together and support their child amidst trying moments? At least in my mind that would be an improvement to society. Thoughts?

Wally Goes To Daycare

2011-02-28T14:12:00.002-06:00

Wally gets to go to daycare! My sweet little furry love has been pining for this day for quite some time. When he first came to us as a sweet little puppy he used to get to come out and play with Boo and my one daycare kiddo at the time. He used to go outside with us. We didn't have a fence, but he was small enough that I could catch him easily. Well, time went on and Wally got bigger and faster and catching him was soon no small feat. Around the same time my daycare went from one kiddo to four kiddos in a matter of two weeks. Needless to say Wally got booted from daycare.

It's been a long road since then. I've been a slow learner as a dog owner. I did not grow up with dogs and it's been an ongoing struggle knowing how to deal with behaviors that are, well, for lack of a better word, very doglike. How do I get this furry cutie patootie to stop getting into toys, knocking people over with his bubbly energy, and just driving me nutso in general? Well, there's no easy answer to that. I've tried a number of approaches. I know there's mixed thoughts on The Dog Whisperer, but I learned so much from reading his books. I learned about being the kind of leader that my dog needs. Also, advice from friends has been very helpful as I've grown into being a dog owner.

Anyways, back to Wally's history with us. Things improved a bit for Wally when we moved. We now have a yard. I remember thinking "This is it!" I thought that having a yard to run around in would magically turn him into this mellow dog that just lies around inside the house. No such luck. Wally continued to grab toys constantly, chew things up, and drive me nutty.

So what has changed? I think I have continued with the Dog Whisperer's idea of being an assertive leader to my dog. I have also really tried much harder to work with him outside of daycare hours. And somehow magically in the past few months or so Wally turned a corner. All of a sudden my dog listens when I say "NO!" from across the room. I have only to look at him with a certain look and he drops whatever toy he's decided to try out. Needless to say, he doesn't even grab for them nearly as much. It used to be that I felt every last toy had to be picked up before Wally could be out in the house. Now he just lives around the toys as they're being thrown around and he's done a wonderful job of learning that toys are off limits. This was HUGE and essential for him to be able to join daycare. He still goes for a toy now and then, but it's not the constant behavior that it was. I mean, come on, he is a dog after all - can you blame him for trying to sneak one every now and then?

Much more recently,he's also had opportunity to be outside with myself and the kiddos during outdoor play. This was a great place to start as there's more room for him to run. He's now so great with his play skills with the kiddos that he actually slows down and ducks his head as he runs past kiddos. He knows he'll get a strong "NO!" if he jumps up on someone. Some people don't mind their dogs jumping on people. I'm not one of them. I mind because the people that surround me day in and out are very little and despite Wally's small Corgi stature he's actually quite strong when he pounces up on somebody to say hello. So Wally has had to learn to become very good at this before I would even consider indoor play during daycare an option for him.

Fortunately I've never had to deal with aggression towards others. This would make daycare an automatic no for him. Wally is very sweet and loves playing with the kiddos. I can tell he's happier now. And he gets good and worn out! After a week of being out much of the day with the kiddos, I can tell he's getting used to it. He plays with the kiddos for a bit and then he settles down somewhere to gnaw on his rawhide chip or he follows me around waiting for his next petting!

I'm so very excited about this transition. Hurray for Wally!

Addictions We Are and Aren't Enjoying Right Now

2011-02-16T15:00:00.002-06:00

Well, it's been a super long time since I've posted. I think all of my blogs are starting out with that sentence. Maybe it's just expected by now that I disappear from the blogosphere on a regular basis. I guess maybe I should feel encouraged by this really. Could it be that I have a real life? Hmmm...

Well, when I thought about updating on our lives, the topic that came to mind is addictions. Yes, addictions. I've been addicted to some new things lately and have had to miss out on others. Hubby has his current addictions and Boo also has his.

My current addiction is knitting. I think it might be a crazy nesting thing. I started on some knit Ugg-style baby booties. I have one done, but I admit that my fire has died a bit. Fatigue will do that to you! But I hope to get the second bootie knit quickly. It is a quick knit as the pattern says, but the first bootie wasn't so much for me. I had to learn some new skills - a yarn over, knitting into the back of a loop, switching colors, duplicate stitching, and slip stitches to name a few. There's a saying I saw once on a facebook flair (when fb had flair) that said "I knit so I do not kill people." Well, with this project it was more like "I knit and now I want to kill people." But I finally figured out some new knitting tricks and then returned to that peaceful calm that knitting is supposed to bring. Oh heavenly bliss!

My addiction that I'm missing out on right now? Coffee. Yep...there it is. After receiving bags and bags of coffee from different people for Christmas presents, I'm not even able to enjoy. I'm one of those people that's okay with having the one cup during pregnancy, but my preggo body will NOT allow it this time. I tried and tried to make it work, but in the end I had to part as just friends with hope of resuming the relationship later. No matter what I ate before, with, or after my coffee I could not get rid of overwhelming shakiness on days that I had coffee. Big shrug on that one - didn't happen with my pregnancy with Boo. But it's just not working this time around. So instead I just look at my coffee beans every now and then that reside by my toaster in the cabinet. And I wonder "How fresh will you taste when I can finally drink you?" And then there's a very still small voice that says, "You know, you've gone this long. You'd be better off without it." Hmph...I admit my relationship with coffee mirrors one of those awful codependent relationships featured in your typical Lifetime movie. But oh the rich and earthy goodness of a cup of joe.

I don't know that it technically qualifies as an addiction, but hubby is glued to schoolwork morning, noon, and night. Of all the things to be addicted to, schoolwork is a great choice. However, I must admit that it's made its impression on our family life and that is not always easy. But many achievements in life are never reached if sacrifices are not made. He is doing really well in his studies. This fall he'll be able to complete the application process for various nursing programs and move forward. Oh what a happy day that will be! It will still be a long road, but it will be nice to get past that second milestone. The first milestone was passed simply by getting our plan rolling.

I guess that brings me to Boo and his current addictions. We're all about the puzzles right now. I bought a puzzle for him - I admit it was after reading how a friend's child was doing really spectacular with puzzles with lots of pieces. I have no need for us to keep up piece for piece, but it made me think "Hmm...I haven't really tried more challenging puzzles with Boo." And so that one thought began Boo's current infatuation. His first love was a pirate puzzle complete with a sea serpent of sorts. He has put this thing together so many times that he knows exactly where every piece goes. I admit that I actually do too! After a week I had to get him a new puzzle because the thought of putting the pirate puzzle together one more time was nearly nauseating. So his next puzzle was a robot puzzle. And that began his second love. His puzzle collection has grown a bit more since then, out of a desire to keep my sanity and to keep him challenged. I will have to continue to add to this collection as I can as the addiction shows no signs of fading anytime soon!

Well, I guess those are our current happenings. After little baby gets here end of June/ early July I plan to break out some lovely bottles of wine that were lovingly bought for me for Christmas and reintroduce myself to my wine addiction. No one call AA, just a glass now and then does wonders for the soul!

Cute Moments from Boo

2010-12-08T14:22:00.002-06:00

Here we are at almost 3 1/2 years old. It seems so impossible that he could be this old.

He is this bundle of energy that exudes joy and laughter. His favorite thing right now is to throw the word "poop" into random words and laugh hysterically. This must be a boy thing! Another favorite thing is climbing on and hanging from mommy as though mommy were a piece of playground equipment. While it's cute that he loves me so and wants so much closeness, I have to admit that this favorite drives me a bit nutso some days.

He was so excited to decorate the Christmas tree, not as into it when we had to put it up a second time (long story). But when I was all done with the second Christmas tree decoration, he hugged me with all of the joy and life of a three year old and said, "I love it. I'm so proud of you!" Now if that doesn't make a mom melt, I don't know what would.

With all of the Christmas tree kerfuffle, hubby decided to get me some flowers. He took Boo with him to pick out the flowers and of course Boo chose the most expensive bouquet in the store. When daddy explained that he wasn't going to pay for that one, Boo said, "I'll pay for it. Give me the card!" Ah - the simple reasoning of a three year old. He then went on to choose a different bouquet. He found one that he told daddy mommy would love. When daddy asked, "How do you know?", his reply was, "Because I'm her baby." Boy does he have me pegged!

His favorite Christmas movie right now is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Yes I realize that this might bite us in the butt when he decides to try out some of the fancy words in this movie. But he LOVES the part where Clark falls off the roof. He laughs with such delight and asks to watch it again. He's so much into slapstick humor. This reminds me of his daddy very very much.

This Christmas season I'm so thankful that I get to experience cute moments with Boo. It's easy to get frustrated with the mischievous antics of a three year old - very easy - but I know that I am so blessed to have him in my life. My prayer this Christmas season is that through all of the hustle and bustle that comes with the season that I could truly truly appreciate the blessing that is my family.

Barefoot Books - Place Your Christmas Orders!!

2010-11-23T15:47:00.004-06:00

It's time to place Christmas orders for loved ones. Consider giving the gift of reading this Christmas. Barefoot Books has beautiful literature for children. The artwork in their books as absolutely amazing. There is nothing mediocre about their titles. Click on my marketplace to browse and buy!

The last days to place orders to guarantee holiday delivery are as
follows:
USPS - Monday, December 13, 2010
UPS:
o Ground - Wednesday, 15th December, 2010
...o 2nd Day Air - Tuesday, 21st December, 2010
o Overnight - Wednesday, 22nd December, 2010

Happy Birthday Angelbaby

2010-09-15T14:21:00.003-05:00

I am thinking of angelbaby. Her given name is Ani Lucille Tribbett. Who knows - maybe there's a little boy in heaven going "Why did I end up with a girl name?" I don't know - is there even gender in heaven? I guess to keep things simple and concrete, we chose a gender. Female made sense since anatomically all babies are essentially female when they start out in the womb. She would be around a year old right now. I didn't know her, so I guess I can't really say that I miss her personally. But I miss the idea of her and the fact that I didn't get a chance to get to know her. I know that someday I'll get to see this angelbaby. But I really don't know how such things work in heaven. Will she know me and know that I thought about her a lot? Or perhaps she has some window into my life from her place in heaven. Perhaps she'll feel that I don't think of her enough?

I am sad for the sibling that Boo never got a chance to know. Someday he'll know about her, but I would've loved to see him with her.

Happy Birthday Ani. You are loved and never forgotten.

Estimated Due Date - 9/5/2009

The Unknown...Here We Come!

2010-08-21T11:46:00.003-05:00

Well, we are heading into the unknown. This is a bit frightening for us as we have started to have some awesome stability in our lives this year. But, isn't that the way things go? Can't get too comfy now. And I will say that unlike other times where something happened to us, we are choosing to do this to ourselves and for some reason there's comfort in that.

It's true that sometimes you have to move backwards temporarily in order to move forward. And that is just what we are doing. Tom has said "so long" to his employer of four years, ADT. He has ventured out of the world of fire and security systems, something that he has been dying to do since he fell into this career in 2003. Yes he has attempted school a couple of times in the past, but always while married to the fire and security industry. And well, that marriage just didn't work out. The fire and security industry was always the "other woman" that never wanted him to make it to class or have time to study. So for the first time hubby will get to go to school without this obstacle in his life. There will be other challenges of course, such as paying all of the bills every month. But there is no gain in life without risk. I wouldn't have a successful daycare business if I hadn't taken the leap at some point and quit my job. I had no clients when I did this, but I also knew that my current position took so much of my time that the only way to focus on building my business was to have that time available. Life is like that sometimes. You stay with what you know where it's semi-comfortable and settle or you decide that there is more to life than "settling".

Hubby has had this dream for several years. In fact, this dream is a good part of why I built my business. It's all been part of the plan from the beginning. It's still very scary to step out even though this has been the plan. But here we are. Who knows what will happen? I know that we will not see very many of our "wants" in the next few years. And some of our "needs" will move to the "want" category. Funny how that happens when living depends on frugality. But this will all be worth it in the end.

I am thankful that we have family and friends who support our vision. Our newfound church family is of immense comfort and I'm thankful every day that we've found a home at Grace Church in Galesburg. And not to be pushy, but if you're looking for a church you just might try it. I'm just saying!

What the?

2010-08-13T06:40:00.002-05:00

So this is going to be a venting post. Consider yourself warned. But just imagine this for a minute.

You join weight watchers and stick to the program. Things are going great and you're losing weight. Then all of a sudden your body just sticks. One weight, down to the ounce. Day after day for an entire week. However, you continue to be faithful to your program, knowing that if you just eat within your points the weight will come off. That week your muscles ache all over for some unknown reason. Then, on the seventh day of being stuck on the same weight, you get a bad migraine that lasts for ten hours. You lay on the couch all evening and do not fix a nutritious dinner because it hurts to move your eyes. So hubby orders pizza and you indulge. And yes, you eat a few more pieces than you should. The next morning you step on the scale and find that you have gained 2 1/2 pounds. From one freaking night of pizza. Really?

You may have guessed that this is not an imaginary person. I must admit that I feel like screaming and throwing something right now. But I won't. I'll just take my shower, get ready for my day, and stick to my program today.

I'm seeing my doctor in less than a month and if my weight loss progress isn't sufficient given the fact that I'm doing weight watchers and I'm now on thyroid medication for hypothyroidism then she's going to discuss putting me on an additional medication for insulin resistance. This would be in addition to the pile of vitamins I'm on along with my progesterone. GAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I guess that's rant enough for one morning. Time to get ready for my day!

And Sometimes You Walk Away

2010-08-11T17:09:00.002-05:00

"AGH!!!" The cry of protest reverberates throughout the house as I shut the gate to the playroom and walk away. The cry continues as though it's chasing me as I go into a different part of the house. I try desperately to get away. Sound like a bad nightmare? This can be reality for mothering in the worst times. Sometimes your child is having one of "those days" and you've exhausted every gentle discipline technique, anger management resource, as well as some not so gentle discipline techniques (i.e. yelling). This is when a momentary retreat can be so much more helpful than trying to continue in the moment.

If I had to name the hardest thing about being an "Attachment Parent" it's that I can't be just that when it's most needed. It's an ideal and a set of great ideas to strive for, but the reality is that many of us fall short when we've been pushed to our limit. And I can say for myself that falling short is something that I do on a regular basis. But I like that I have a goal of who I want to be as a parent. AP ideals are for me a sort of guide or road map. When I take a detour I at least know the main road that I want to get back on. I've realized as my child has really started to grow into his "threeness" in the last month that I will need to reread some things that I read when he was younger. We have hit a hump. But I firmly believe that it's not every little moment that counts but the overall picture and the continued striving to be more empathic, more nurturing, more understanding, more considerate, more respectful, and well the list could go on and on.

Well, it's been a good five minutes and my child is repeating in a sad voice from the playroom "I want my mommy." My heart rate has slowed, my breathing is more relaxed, and I feel now that I am in a state of mind to give an honest effort at finding out what exactly my child is trying to communicate to me in his moment of tantrumy tears and frustration. Time to go!

The Weight Loss Plateau

2010-08-11T07:15:00.002-05:00

Anybody who's ever tried to lose weight knows that there is one thing we all dread. The big bad scary plateau. I was expecting to hit one at some point in my weight loss journey, but it honestly seems a bit soon to be hitting one. I feel that's where I'm currently at. I've been stuck on the same weight down to the ounce since last Thursday. I've followed weight watcher's like a good girl. I admit that I haven't worked out as much this week. I've been super tired for some reason. I did walk last night. But even without working out I should be losing a little just by sticking with my weight watchers plan. Blah. Perhaps my body weight is shifting around. Although I'm not sure. I don't feel like I'm exercising enough to chalk it up to muscle gain or anything.

I know the best things for breaking through a plateau are shaking up the routine. Perhaps I can throw some more effort into getting up early and doing my yoga. I'm not doing so hot at that one for the moment.

Hopefully this plateau breaks soon because I'm ready to continue on my weight loss journey. It's a bit frustrating because I'm an immediate results sort of gal. So I guess I'll just have to be patient!

What Attachment Parenting Is

2010-08-09T17:05:00.002-05:00

I've been asked by people whenever the topic of attachment parenting comes up, what exactly that is. As much as it's instinctive and wonderful for me and my family, it's not always easy to describe. Sometimes I feel that I end up stuttering around words trying to explain. Perhaps after years and years of practice I will become better at explaining this concept to others. I hope so. I can honestly say that I feel lucky to have stumbled on the ideas of attachment parenting prior to having my little one. I think that it has already made a lot of difference in how my son is raised and it will continue to have an impact for years and hopefully for generations.

So here's a link that covers the basics anyways. There's nothing profound or earth shattering in this article. It's just basic description and definition of all that is attachment parenting.

What Attachment Parenting Is

Weight Loss Challenge - Update

2010-08-06T08:12:00.000-05:00

Well, I have absolutely no idea what day I'm on of the weight loss challenge. My goal was to keep a journal and write in it every day of the challenge. Hahahaha - it was a nice thought!

I will say that this challenge is exactly the kind of kick in the rear that I needed to help myself focus and get on track. I'm down 10 pounds since the start of the challenge. Woo woo! I hope that I can continue to stay on track. I've also got my healthcare provider involved. I met with her this past Monday. She's been working with me on possibilities to get my body functioning properly. So it all kind of goes together. I've started on protein shakes as I rarely get in my protein intake for the day. Also, she's going to start me on some Vitamin D as my levels of vitamin D are low. She's going to be speaking with the doctor today about putting me on some meds to help my thyroid function properly. So, one step at a time. I really like that even though I'm seeing her for another issue, her goal is to get me healthy - not just quick fix me. I am starting to believe that my body will fix itself if given what it needs. I guess I feel hope and feel that I'm on my way to a healthier me!

World Breastfeeding Week

2010-08-05T08:06:00.001-05:00

It's World Breastfeeding Week - woo hoo - hurray for breastfeeding! I long for the day that moms everywhere at least try. I think back to Boo as a little baby and all of the out and about nursing experiences we've had. Some were great and some were pretty rough. But it was all worth it!

So cheers to all who are breastfeeding and/or have breastfed!

A Camping We Did Go

2010-08-01T17:00:00.003-05:00

What a lovely time we had this weekend. I feel as if I must write before the memories fade too much. The family and I packed up on Saturday and headed to Johnson Sauk Trail for camping. We would've liked to go on Friday evening, but we were zonked. I had my DCFS address change licensing visit for the daycare on Friday and that always makes for a long day. But I was 100% in compliance and the visit went really well. So that was really nice. But my intention was to pack my stuff Friday night as hubby was working on getting the camping stuff together. Instead I climbed onto our bed at 9:00pm that night to look at a book Boo wanted to show me and fell fast asleep. Oops! So the next morning was a mad dash to pack and I do admit that we are wanting to become way more organized with the packing/unpacking/planning process when it comes to camping. So we are planning to make a master packing list and laminate it sometime soon while the experience is fresh in our minds. There were a few things that we forgot, but mostly we were okay.

It took us forever to get our tent set up. It was a new tent and like all disorganized campers we did not practice setting it up prior to leaving. So we looked like a couple of buffoons until we figured out our new tent, which is exceptionally nice I must say.

After tent set up we took Boo in a paddleboat on the lake. He loved being on the boat, but I've forgotten how tiring a paddleboat can be. It was good fun though. I love being on the water. There's something amazingly therapeutic and relaxing about water. Well, mostly. Hubby and I did bicker a fair amount of time about how to properly steer the paddleboat - I guess we truly are an old married couple!

Anyways, after that we went back to our site and grabbed Wally - yes, even the dog came camping - and headed out for some hiking. I planned on Boo tiring soon and brought my Ergo carrier for him. So hubby, Boo, Wally, and I set out for an hour and a half or so of hiking the trails. It was loads of fun - I LOVE to hike. It's one of those forms of exercise that just doesn't feel like exercise to me - it's just too stinking fun! Anyways, after that we headed back to the campsite for that staple campfire dinner - hot dogs!

Poor Boo covered his eyes while the fire was going. He's a bit sensitive about some things and a big bright campfire is one of them! He conked out pretty much right after dinner and hubby and I took turns treating ourselves to a shower. Ah - the luxury! Then we did smores while Boo slept in the tent.

It was a pretty short trip and we would've liked to do more. We realize that we need to be more organized to maximize our time camping, but we'll get there. We just need more practice. So we're already planning more trips for this year before the weather gets too cold.

The morning was pretty uneventful, just breakfast and packing up. I will say the highlight of the morning was hubby accidentally spraying shaving cream on himself instead of deodorant. He has spray deodorant and I guess when you're tired from a full day the day before it's easy to mix it up. It was a bit funny though!

Mostly Boo loved it. But I did have to explain to him Saturday night that we were going home the next day because he looked a little worried that the tent was our new house. He didn't care for the bugs - I can't say I blame him. We put bug spray on him, but he was still bitten quite a bit. I think he'll be happy to go back, but he's not ready for more than one night just yet. We're pretty sure he would've had a complete melt down if we had told him we were staying a second night. He had fun, but he was definitely excited to come home. Wally did fantastic camping! We were so proud of him. Only a few times did he get extra "barky" and that was right around bedtime of course. But it was all new to him. Overall I think he was in dog heaven. He was calm and relaxed and definitely in his element. Those who have met my dog know that calm and relaxed are not usually words that would describe him. I even think hubby and the dog bonded a bit which was pretty great.

Anyhoo, we have lots to do. I have the day off tomorrow, but I'd like to get unpacking and cleanup done so that other than doctor appointments tomorrow, it's just kind of a rest day. That sounds utterly fantastic!

A Little Recognition Today!

2010-07-28T13:49:00.003-05:00

Today we finished half of the necessary work we want done in order to have our dishwasher up and running. We had the plumbing hook-ups installed. Hurray! The plumber was here for quite a bit this morning and as the children played in their usual boisterous ways I found myself wondering if I should have warned him to bring ear plugs. When I mentioned that to him, he did say that he remembered that I did daycare so he knew there'd be kids running around. He did work for us on our water heater when we first moved in. Prior to leaving he told me that I had the patience of Job. I'd love to believe that, but unfortunately my patience is limited to certain people and situations. My patience with my kiddos during the day is okay most days. My patience in other areas of my life? Hmmmm...not so great, but it was a nice compliment anyways. He also told me that I deserved an award. Then he paused and thought for a second and said that I deserved several awards! I have to admit that made me feel good and smile. I have parents who are pretty appreciative of what I do. But I have definitely had run-ins with people who don't "get" what I do, that I'm not sitting at home with my feet up watching kids destroy my house five days a week. I've thought of all the things that go into my job and the list is quite extensive. I'm a....

nurturer
boo-boo kisser
diaper changer
early childhood teacher
cook
dishwasher
busboy
first aid provider
music teacher
program director
bookkeeper
secretary
project manager
inventory specialist
marketing director
activities director
scheduler
janitor
child development specialist
behavioral consultant
researcher
purchasing agent
entrepreneur

...well, that's a decent start! ;) Anyways, it was just kind of nice to get that little boost today.

Current Happenings

2010-07-27T07:10:00.002-05:00

There are so many things that I've been dying to write about, but I am seriously lacking in the time department. I will say though that life is much better lived interactively with my family, friends, and business than getting sucked into cyber world, which is so easy to do!

I tried a new book series and so far I'm liking it. The Number 1 Detective Ladies Agency by Alexander McCall Smith is the new author/series that I'm trying. I get nervous when it comes to series fiction. Sometimes I think writers get lazy when they have a money-making series, so I wasn't sure if this was going to be quality literature or junk. I've only read the first book and started the second and I'm really enjoying them. It's no Dickens for sure, but it's enjoyable and engaging.

I've been working hard at getting back on track with Weight Watcher's and overall motivation. I'm still working hard on the getting up at 6:00am thing. I'm getting better, but I miss a lot of days. I'm trying to not put too much pressure on myself to do this perfectly right away. Eventually when I'm getting up consistently I would like to see myself at the point where I'm consistently walking the dog every morning and consistently doing my yoga at least 2-3 mornings a week. I love yoga. I have discovered a new love - ZUMBA. I won't go on and on, but it's just lovely!

I've been taking my temperature constantly in order to gather data for my doctor regarding my thyroid since my TSH levels on my blood test were high. My next appointment is August 2nd and I wish it would get here already. I've suspected that I have hypothyroidism for quite some time. I was able to go through the symptoms checklist that my doctor gave me and check check check away. It's frustrating to know that there's something medically in your body working against your health and not being able to get properly diagnosed. Apparently, after reading around a bit, hypothyroidism commonly goes undiagnosed because many doctors are using dated levels for diagnostics. It's sad really, seeing all of the ways that an underfunctioning thyroid can impact health. Anyways, so I'm hoping to get the help that I need soon.

Boo is growing up so fast. I continue to be amazed by the gift that he is in our lives. It makes me sad to think that there are families where children are not appreciated and undervalued, where they are left to their own devices while mommy and daddy do whatever they want to do. I'm not saying parents can't have things that they own in their lives, but I think there's a healthy balance. I know that for myself I've been sucked into kiddieland in the past with no outlet for myself. This past month has seen huge changes in that area. I now attend a woman's group with people from my church on Thursdays and I attend Zumba on Mondays. Two nights a week to myself! Well, actually, Boo often joins me on Thursday, but that's okay because we walk as we talk, so he just rides in the wagon. But I guess I've always felt like my evenings belonged to Boo, since he shares me so much through the day. But the problem with that mentality is that I never did anything in the evenings because I felt guilty. The daycare business had its time and Boo had his time and hubby had his time and I had none. So I'm taking time for myself, just a little slice of time each week, so that I can be a healthier me for those that I love. And it's felt wonderful so far!

I really want to write a post commemorating Boo as he is now three years old. But there are so many words that I want to share and so many memories and so much love. I haven't had the time to think it out and put it down as perfectly as I can. I feel I need something that does justice to what a wonderful three year old boy he is. So perhaps in the next week or so I'll create a slice of time to share about my little Boo.

On Tuesday I...

2010-07-21T13:46:00.002-05:00

...went for a bike ride. It felt so exhilarating to be on my bicycle. It's been far too long. This year has just been odd. We haven't been riding like we did last year.
...practiced deep breaths with daycare kiddos.
...helped children explore their creative side using finger paints and blank paper.

All About a Monday

2010-07-20T07:16:00.002-05:00

I've decided that I'm going to try to post every now and then on positive things that I accomplished, sort of a self recognition thing I guess.

On Monday I....

....got up at 6:00am and walked the dog. I ran out of time for morning yoga, but being up and around was an improvement.
....resisted emotional eating during the day.
....resisted the stray thought that I should NOT attend Zumba. I did in fact attend Zumba. I'm glad I went. Rarely do I smile during a "workout class". I hesitate to even use the work workout, because this class is so far removed from the typical aerobics scene.
....stayed within my weight watcher's points

Weight Loss Challenge - Day 0

2010-07-20T07:11:00.002-05:00

I'm copying something out of my weight loss challenge journal to kind of jump start my blogging.

It's the day before the beginning, the beginning of a journey, a competition, an evolution, and a revolution. The journey is a quest really, one in which the end result is greater insight into one's psyche. The competition is among friends/acquaintances, all striving for better health. A little cooperation to create a financial pot is a great motivator for all and will be sweet reward for a few at the end of four months. The evolution is my mind and habits, evolving towards inner peace and health. The revolution is inevitable as I fight against the lies that I've told myself over the years, the depression that knocks at my door persistently waiting for that moment of weakness when it might be allowed to enter, and the need for perfection in my life that prompts me to consume every edible thing in sight when others have let me down or I've let them down, or even worse let myself down.

Journey. Competition. Evolution. Revolution. The next four months are bound to be exciting, frustrating, tiring, exhilarating, maddening, and frightening.

I guess in sharing this journal entry I'm inviting everyone along for the ride.

Operation Backyard and 3 Year Old Boo

2010-06-30T14:48:00.002-05:00

Well, Operation Backyard has seen some progress. I really wish that I had a digital camera so that I could post some pics right now. I think the space is really looking great. We have the climber up and the kiddos love it. Also, the playhouse was finished as of approximately 10:00pm last night. If standing outside in the dark finishing the playhouse by flashlight while the bugs eat us for late night snack isn't dedication, then I don't know what is! The sandbox is still a "pretend" sandbox while we wait for funds to put play sand in it, but oh well. We'll get there. I feel like my daycare space, both indoors and out, has seen more progress in the past two month than in the past close to two years that I've been open. It's great to see the place start to look as I've always envisioned. Of course I still have more wants and ideas for my business, but we'll get there!

On another note, I can't believe that my child will be 3 years old a week from Monday. It hardly seems possible. He seems so much a baby to me still in a lot of ways. But he is definitely Mr. Independent. His potty skills are coming along nicely in spite of a regression period after moving. Today he told me he had to use the potty while he was outside playing. That was a FIRST. Usually if he's outside playing he could care less about running inside to use the potty, so I was very thrilled. I've been hanging a package of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse underwear that he wants very badly over his head. I first showed them to him at Target last week. He has definitely stepped up his efforts to get to the potty on time since being told that we would buy his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse underwear if he pees and poops in the potty all the time. He really wants that underwear. He gets excited when he talks about it!

One thing that's kind of fun about our new location is that we're a few blocks from a local ice cream shop. I thought it would be horrible for me, but I've not been terrible. They have a kid sized cone that's only $0.70 and they even put a face on the cone. How cute is that!? So we walk there every now and then. We went last night while daddy was working on the playhouse. Boo was very excited because he got to bring "his own" money (i.e. my money that he claimed) to the ice cream shop. He kind of gave me a funny look when I told him he had to take his money out of his pocket and give it to the lady at the ice cream shop in order to get his ice cream. But I guess the lure of ice cream was too strong, so he gave in without a fight! After we got home he informed me that he wanted to go "bye bye to store and get money." Oh, really? That's how that works? Well, I've been getting it backwards all these years. Ah - the mind of a child. Everything must seem so easy and simple to them. I envy their ignorant joyful existence!

Because I Need to Be Busier

2010-06-29T12:56:00.002-05:00

Well, those that know me well surely know that I need more things to keep me busy like I need a hole in my head...but yes...life is about to get busier for me. I just enrolled two little ones into the daycare - a six week old and a 13 month old. I'm really happy about it though. It seems like a good fit and I'm hoping that this will be a long-term thing as I really don't like having a revolving door on my business. But times will be hopping. Goodbye to my peaceful nap time break and hello to more juggling - just what I need in my life! I love my chosen career though and wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, taking in new kiddos, especially infants, is always a bit rough at first, but once I adjust I find that I get into a rhythm that works. I have a wonderful group of toddlers and preschoolers who will adjust beautifully to younger ones in the home.

What caught me by surprise is that I started thinking about my daycare family. There's a 6 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old (in two weeks), 2 year old, and now a 13 month old and a 6 week old. It hit me that my son is in the "older" group. WHAT??!! When did that happen? He was 15 months old when I, and subsequently he, started daycare. He's growing up so fast. It's all just a bit nutty. And someday he'll move from the older daycare group to the school-age group and that will just be very strange.

Life - it all goes so very fast. But at least I'm not sitting around bored!

Blah Blah Blah

2010-06-27T16:32:00.002-05:00

It's NOT raining today. Hurray. Hubby is outside now putting up the climber. Playhouse is still in a pile in the garage. If we get one thing up today I'll be happy. Progress would be nice. Speaking of progress, I really need to make progress on some things inside the house. It's kind of like we busted our butts to get the downstairs ready for daycare and DCFS compliant and once that was done we just kind of stopped. It's not been on purpose, but I guess we've been having fun, hanging with friends, and trying not to feel too stressed about the piles of boxes in other parts of the house. I have a few garbage bags in the kitchen that I would like to go through by week's end. It's plastic kitchen stuff. Some might even be garbage, as in tupperware with no lids. I'm definitely not hanging onto those things. So perhaps I'll start on that today. I also want to start cleaning stuff out of the garage - my nice lovely garage that I was so excited to get that I've been unable to park in because we have piles of crap in it. Blah - it will get there. But it's absolutely driving me nutso!

Of course what I really want to do today is dye my hair. I've never done my hair myself though. Hubby has always done it for me. Before hubby my mom dyed my hair for me. But he's busy and I kind of don't want to wait, so I may just say "to hell with it" and hope that it doesn't turn out too terrible if I do it myself. I'm going blonde. Hubby has been wanting me to go back to blonde for a loooong time. It's been forever since I've gone blonde. I usually prefer some shade of brunette. I would say that my worst shade was black, but that was even fun for awhile. Actually, no, my worst shade was ashy green - ash blonde gone wrong. I definitely don't use any color with ash in the name anymore. I go for golden, bronze, or neutral shades. Nothing with a cool tone.

So I guess the choice is dyeing my hair or unpacking some things. Either way I have the unpleasant task of some dishes and sweeping/mopping awaiting me. So perhaps I should do something fun and go for the hair. Hmmmm....Yep. I think I'm going to find some grungy clothes and go for the hair option. Blonde bombshell here I come.

Good Times with Grumpy Neighbor

2010-06-24T13:52:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a crazy week. Hubby has been sick all week thanks to an antibiotic that he was put on. He might be getting better. He did go back to work, but that was more because he just had to. He still feels like crap. We had a busy weekend and consequently I've been behind on dishes all week. We now have a dishwasher which is nice. I now get to stare at it when I do the dishes by hand and think what a nice looking appliance it is. Hopefully we'll get it hooked up soon. That will be a happy day for sure!

I had another run-in with grumpy neighbor today. He came knocking on my door this morning about the hose that has been moved. In case you're wondering, it's the hose that drains the sump pump from the basement. When he trespassed into our yard the other night he threw it up on the patio so that all the water could drain down into the soil right by our basement. That was thoughtful of him, wasn't it? So hubby moved it over a bit, still pretty stinking far from his fence. Also, I will say that his house is pretty far from the fence, so even if water seeps under his fence it's not soaking into the ground right be his house. But anyways, our yard slopes towards his. It's just the lay of the land. We didn't create it. Honestly, no matter where we put that hose the water is going to make its way down the slope. It's not my fault that it's been raining nonstop and the ground is saturated. Maybe if I could control the weather grumpy man would be happy. Eh - probably not! Anyways, our conversation did not go well. I started out trying to be polite. Really I did. I responded that we were working on it. He continued and continued and continued. I do remember telling him that I didn't appreciate him knocking at my door at 10:00pm at night due to my struggles with insomnia at which point he informed me that he didn't care about my insomnia. And then I snapped. I told him he wasn't allowed to knock on my door late at night and that he was absolutely not allowed to come into my backyard. Of course he kept talking as I was telling him these things. So since I couldn't get him to listen to a word that I had to say I ended the conversation by telling him repeatedly to get off my property. I think I even pointed and snapped toward his house a bit. Yes, my wrath came out! But you know, we love our house so much and even though we're still trying to get hubby's career squared away, in a lot of ways I feel like we are living the "American Dream". So what American dream would be complete without the grumpy neighbor? They go hand in hand.

Anyways, we're camping with friends this weekend and probably taking Boo to see Toy Story 3. And I'm hoping that there's a constructed playhouse in the cards this weekend, but we'll see. I'm not sure that hubby's going to be up for it. He's really had the life knocked out of him. I think he's just trying to function right now.

Insomniac Awareness

2010-06-22T22:41:00.002-05:00

Hubby and I were watching a movie earlier this evening - some Star Trek film - something about some guy named Kahn. I don't know. Anyways, it was perfect. It put me right to sleep. So up up up the stairs I go. I'm laying in bed about to drift to sleep and then BANG BANG BANG on the door. It's 10:00 at night. I insist that hubby go downstairs to see who is banging on our door this time of night, especially when I look out the window and see that some man is walking around the side of our house.

So hubby heads downstairs to find out that the hose for the sump pump that he had been working on earlier this week shifted in the yard and was sending water to the neighbor's yard. Since this neighbor didn't get a response when he knocked at the front door, he walked around the side of the house, let himself in our backyard gate, and moved our sump pump hose. Okay - I get why he was upset. Yes, the hose needed to be moved. Apparently he was "trying to get a hold of us all day"?? Ummm...we were HOME all day long!! I struggle with insomnia. I was drifting peacefully to sleep when this man banged on our door. I'm sure that anyone who struggles with insomnia can appreciate my angst here. I am going to have to bite my tongue hard not to be mean and nasty the next time I see this man - hubby says I should be nice. Ugh - now I'm WIDE AWAKE and it will take forever for my body to settle back down again. I'd drink a beer but I've used all of my weight watcher's points for the day. Ugh. Anyways, I guess we've now found something we don't like about our house - THE NEIGHBOR. Who pounds on somebody's door at 10:00 at night to tell them about a damn hose? I mean, really, was it flooding his yard? I don't think so. It definitely could've waited until morning. Then he proceeded to come through our fence and into our yard and move our hose. I'm feeling so extremely violated here. I'm going to buy a padlock for the fence asap. Sorry old grumpy man - your access will be denied next time. And if you try to jump the fence you'll probably break a hip.

Focus on the positive.

2010-06-21T15:28:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to focus on the positive as this week started off kind of crummy with hubby being sick as well as some other things. Sooo...I guess I'll dwell on what I can come up with.

Well, I've lost a few pounds after rejoining Weight Watchers. I did attend my meeting on Saturday morning like a good girl and it felt good to be back. Yay for that. Also, a friend of mine has talked me into trying this class at the YMCA. So I'm going tonight. All of our clothing is still a huge mess - the closets haven't been organized yet - so I had to dig and dig and dig, but I finally found my sports bra. Yippee!

Today has been a good day with the kiddos. We had a great walk and enjoyed the sunshine playing outside in the backyard this morning.

I still like my house and am so excited to no longer be renting.

I had some great girl time Saturday night and ordered some fun things at a friend's party.

A dishwasher that we bought from a friend is being delivered today.

Boo's birthday is coming up. As sad as it will be to see my baby turn three, I'm looking forward to celebrating him for who he is. He's such a wonderful blessing and I feel so lucky to have him in my life.

Well, that's my list. I'm going to attempt this type of blog more often, especially when I'm feeling a bit down!

Buzz Therapy

2010-06-19T08:45:00.000-05:00

Well, ever since we've moved we've been working on getting Boo to sleep in his own bed. It's not been going great. It took us forever to get his bed set up for one thing. When we did finally get it set up, of course he didn't want it. I'm not a fan of cry it out. I won't stick him in a room and just let him cry and be miserable until he wears himself out and falls asleep. I'm okay with a little protesting given his age, but not all out sadness/terror.

Anyways, I was at the store the other night and we found a Buzz Lightyear flashlight that he liked. So before he put it in the cart I explained to him that it was for night night, but he had to sleep in his own bed in order to play with it and that he'd get to play with it until he fell asleep. So he said okay because he wanted the flashlight. Two aisles over he looked at me and said, "Mommy. I don't want flashlight." Well, I bought it anyways and we're three nights out and it's worked like a charm. He lays in bed and plays with it and I go in and shut it off after he's asleep. The last two nights he's crawled into bed with his flashlight as opposed to my having to place him there. Hurray for progress! I've been so lax about his sleep routine and I'm really at a point where I want him in bed by 8:30 every night. I feel like I need some down time and hubby and I need this time as a couple. So we'll see if this continues to help him be okay with going to sleep by himself. Here's to hoping!

Operation Backyard

2010-06-18T14:20:00.002-05:00

Well, I've started working on the backyard even though there's a zillion things to do inside of our house. But we really want to get the kiddos set up for their outdoor play. However, the rain needs to GO AWAY!!!! Every day that we've wanted to work on our space it has rained. This is a huge problem, especially since we can't just plop play equipment outside and call it done! Due to DCFS licensing standards for the daycare we have to till and mulch the area for the equipment first. Then we can put the equipment out. It's not like it's going to be too terrible as far as the amount of work is concerned, BUT we need a rain free day in order to get anything done. Our playhouse is still a lump of wood in the garage because of all the rain. We now have a climber that has joined the playhouse in the garage. The sandbox still has no sand in it because that will also be put in the mulched area.

So hopefully someday soon all of this rain will stop and we can get something done. When it does stop, we'll have a sandbox, Clubhouse Climber, and playhouse. So we'll have a lot of great things when it's all done.

We do have a nice new grill to go in our backyard. I bought a bunch of meat from America's Finest Steak and so hubby got a new grill to go with our meat. Yeah - you know how that goes. We could use a deep freeze to go with our meat too!

Anyways, hopefully the rain will clear soon so that Operation Backyard can officially begin!

When Peace Like a River

2010-06-16T19:25:00.002-05:00

When peace like a river attendeth my way...it is well with my soul. Okay, so the hymn is about God, but this is what popped in my head when I think about the fact that we own our home and are no longer dealing with landlords. For those who have rented and/or are currently renting, I'm sure you know what I mean. Some people are fortunate to have great landlords. Awesome - glad you are in that position. Since we moved to the Burg we had a so-so one and a really crappy one. I feel so at peace knowing that we are not at the mercy of how someone else wants to maintain a property. At our last place, I remember feeling frustrated day after day just trying to complete simple tasks. For example, trying to take a shower and the hardware would fall off while I was trying to use it (that's after the landlord "fixed" it), walking down the back stairs and remembering NOT to use the railing (the one my landlord "fixed" by shoving a heavy rock in front of the base of the rail), opening a cabinet in the kitchen to get something out and having the cabinet fall off on one corner. These are things that I do not have to deal with, or when they do come up I can ensure that they are fixed properly. If they are not fixed properly I will have only myself, and maybe my husband ;) , to blame. I guess it feels less stressful to know that we're a bit more in control of the situation. Not that we can control what may come up in terms of necessary repairs, but that we can work to find a solution that we're happy with.

I also feel much more confident in the space that I'm able to provide for my daycare and hope that this makes a difference when it comes to filling vacancies in the daycare. We have big plans for the backyard. So far the rain has really gotten in the way of those plans. But it is the middle of June after all. The rain has to dry up sometime soon!

Third Time is a Charm

2010-06-14T13:47:00.002-05:00

Well, here I go again with Weight Watchers. This is my third attempt in the last year and a half. Attempt #1 was short and sweet. I did great, but got pregnant and quit since my goal was no longer weight loss. That pregnancy of course did not end in a baby, at least not one on this earth. I still firmly hold to the fact that my angel baby is in heaven waiting to meet me someday. Soooo...attempt #2 was started two days after I miscarried. For me, it was easier to grieve if I could do something positive with my body. This attempt was great. I lost 24 pounds on this attempt. That was early to mid last year. Then I got lazy with counting. I always seem to sabotage myself when I start to do well. I continued to stop and start. Part of the problem is that I was struggling to attend meetings regularly. Hubby took a summer class and worked Saturdays for awhile and I admit that threw me off and I never quite got back on track after that. The choice was drag Boo to my parents' house early in the morning or drag him with. Neither choice was appealing. For the first I had to get out of bed earlier. The latter choice meant getting grumpy looks from people who felt that I was not keeping my 1 year old quiet enough. So I never got back on track after that, even after hubby no longer had a Saturday commitment. My fault entirely. Then I decided early this year to exchange my weight watcher's membership for a family gym membership. I figured I'd use free online calorie counting software and get to the gym more. Well, it's not enough for me. I'm not successful at all with the online calorie counting site. It's not the site. It's me. Truly, the times when I was successful with weight watchers is when I attended my meetings regularly. So, I guess I'm one of those people that needs to be humiliated on a scale week after week in front of a perfect stranger in order to be motivated enough to stick with good eating habits. Hubby and I have talked and I have decided to join again. I need this to be the time that I make it all the way to my goal. So I'm hoping that in this case third time is a charm. I know that based on my past success I can do this. So here's to getting healthy. Cheers!

Oh...and in case anyone's wondering. I'm discontinuing my blog that was devoted to this. Life is too short to have five million different blogs!

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

2010-06-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer and I must say that I'm very unimpressed and kind of wish I could have the hours of my life back that I spent reading this novella. The characters were uninteresting and underdeveloped and Bree was an absolute idiot. There was just nothing overly interesting or surprising in it. Granted, if you've read Eclipse you know how things end for Bree, so it was bound to be predictable in a sense, but the writing seemed uninspired and amateurish. It came across as poorly written fan fiction. Anyone else read it?

Here We Are

2010-06-07T21:33:00.002-05:00

Well, here we are in our new house. And I must say that we're loving it. The moving in process was exhausting and time-consuming, but we had some great help, including some dedicated friends that helped me peel contact paper for four hours one night (and it still wasn't finished after that). If I never see another roll of contact paper in my life, it'll be too soon!

We busted our butts the first week to get through the maze of boxes downstairs and get the place organized for daycare. We were tired, grumpy, and sore, but we had daycare up and running by Thursday of last week. Granted, not everything is in place, but we are in compliance with all of the DCFS licensing standards. The kids have a pretend sandbox in the yard right now because we haven't had the time or money yet to dig a hole and fill it with sand (our sandbox is bottomless). So I've just told them to play in the pretend sandbox for now. We have a pile of wood in the garage that is a playhouse that we ordered. We had to wait to put it together because some of the pieces were damaged when it come. Of course we've had the replacement pieces since Friday and it's still not done. We've been busy and I admit we've been kicking back a bit now that we've had a few moments to breathe. So hopefully sometime this weekend the playhouse will be put together. I don't know when exactly, but I really really hope it's finished before next week rolls around.

I LOVE the new daycare space. It's a zillion times better than the old space. It looks nicer, seems better organized, and has a cleaner look due to the seller's tasteful wall colors and window treatments. I've changed some of our routines in order to adjust to the new space and definitely feel like those changes are working out great.

I love my backyard, fenced in with a patio area. Wally has made friends with the two dogs next door and they like to run laps along the fence together. So he gets a lot of energy out that way. He's had a complete personality change with having a backyard to run around in. He's mellowed out so much that he gets to join me and the daycare kiddos on walks and during outdoor play. He also gets to have space in the kitchen during the day when he's indoors. Of course he still gets upset that he can't join the kiddos in the daycare area indoors. But he's way too excitable for that. He'd be on top of all those little kiddos! He does great with them outdoors though. They love to pet him and throw sticks for him to run after.

Our family room is also awesome. It's pretty small, but I like to think of it as cozy. We've got a fireplace that the seller's left (a portable electric one) and we mounted our t.v. above it. I admit that we did splurge on a flat screen because we realized that trying to fit our huge dinosaur t.v. and entertainment center into such a small space would've ruined the room. So we love it. We can turn the fireplace on, watch a movie, turn the lights off and it's instant ambiance. I'm all about ambiance. It must be the Cherrington in me - must have candles for meals, that sort of thing.

Now, our upstairs is another story. It's piled floor to ceiling with boxes in pretty much every room. Our clean clothes are piled everywhere because our closets are due for makeovers before we can begin to put things away. So it's a bit overwhelming to look at for the moment. But we'll get to it!

I guess the next big thing on my agenda is to start making phone calls on my waiting list to fill one daycare opening. I admit I'm dragging my feet a bit because I'm enjoying the momentary lull and I also want time in the new space with my already established kiddos before adding a new family/child to the mix. But I will not be able to procrastinate forever on this. So I will probably start making phone calls by the end of this week. I will say that I think it will be easier to fill openings now that I have a much nicer space. I tried to do the best I could with the previous space that I had, but it just doesn't compare to what I have now.

So, now here we are and I'm just feeling grateful and happy and peaceful in our new home.

Yes Jesus Loves Potty

2010-05-25T13:38:00.002-05:00

Boo likes the "Jesus Loves Me" song and loves to insert every word that he can think of for "me". It's funny all of the things that Jesus loves. According to Boo, He loves potty, Wally, mommy, daddy, his daycare friends, poo poo, Mickey Mouse Cluhouse (b omitted on purpose), tv, movie. The list could go on and on. I know I'm forgetting a ton here!

Speaking of potty, Boo continues to do excellent. I would say that his poo goes in the potty 95% of the time. His pee is probably about 80%. Many of the clothing changes he has are due to his aim on the potty versus wetting himself. So he really does pretty great. Weekends are hard. I don't know if it's because he started potty training on a daycare day and perhaps associates it with daycare, but he does much better on daycare days. The other reason could be that I'm very structured during the daycare week and very unstructured on the weekends. When we're out and about he doesn't really do great. Although, I did borrow a fold-up potty ring for big potties from a friend and he used that at the new house the other day. That's the first time he's cooperated with going on the big potty. I was so excited. I clapped my hands, jumped around, and pretty much looked like an idiot, all to the amusement of my two year old! Ah - the things we do to potty train our children.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything. But it wouldn't be my blog if I didn't ramble. Boo loves to name his body parts, especially the parts of his face. I always giggle when he gets to his "forkhead". And I NEVER correct him. I'm usually that parent that's vigilant to model appropriate pronunciation as opposed to encouraging the baby talk, but I just can't help myself with this one. It's just way too cute. He'll learn that it's called a forehead someday, hopefully before he goes to college!

Anyways, I need to run. Boo is supposed to be sleeping on his cot as his friends are doing. Instead, he's sitting in my glider telling himself a story that I made up when we started potty training in order to get him to sit on the potty long enough for something to happen. My child. He always gives me a rough time over napping! Once he's out though, he's out and he's a good sleeper. So it is worth the effort!

The Journey

2010-05-14T08:04:00.002-05:00

I've been having fleeting thoughts of ending my blogging days and so I started reading past blogs. I feel a bit stunned by what I've found. My blog is a chronicle of my journey as a young mother at a time when I was changing from the inside out.

When I started my blog I realized that I was changing in some ways and I wanted a way to not only chronicle such change but to challenge myself to live a better, more responsible life. Motherhood is something that changed me deeply in some ways and not at all in other ways. I will say that motherhood brought out my hippy/crunchy side for lack of better terminology. But it's not as if that wasn't inside of me all along. I do think I've maintained the same core personality, and those who've known me for years can probably attest to that fact. I'm still the introverted girl whose goofy side comes out in a big way once I'm comfortable.

Motherhood brought me more in touch with my creative and crafty side. However, I will say that with all of the busyness in my life in the last year, I risk losing this. I'd like to find ways to bring this back into my life. I'd like to scrapbook, sew, and create as I did that first year or so of Boo's life. I know that I had so much more time for this sort of thing prior to starting the daycare. But there is a way to return to more balance in my life and I need to find it. I'd especially like to tackle Boo's scrapbook. I miss sitting with his photos and putting them on paper in a thoughtful way. There's something about the process that helps me feel connected to the memories that way. Does that sound weird? I have fabric and patterns that I bought when I was on my sewing kick. All I can say is that all of it is still sitting in the bags. I have piles of yarn and needles for all of those hats that I was going to make. I will find a way to create again.

Motherhood brought out an earthy side to me. From cloth diapering to aromatherapy to organic food choices, I have tried to learn to live on this earth a bit more gently. Some changes have stuck and some are a constant struggle. I adore cloth diapering and have no doubt that any future children will be cloth diapered. Yes - the laundry is hard to keep up with - but absolutely worth it. And today's cloth diapers have such a cuteness factor to them that it's actually a bit addicting. Aromatherapy is a constant in my life. I use my essential oils to scent my cleaners, soaps, breathe in during a cold, spray on the dog when I can't take his stench anymore, and many other ways. I really want an essential oil diffuser for the new house, but we'll see. I've actually considered several times taking an aromatherapy course so that I could be a certified aromatherapist, but that's something that would only be a blessing in the right time I think and that time is not now. Organic food has been a struggle. It's expensive. Especially now that the daycare is more full, I go through so much food and keeping things organic just doesn't happen around here the way that it used to. I continue to try, but I admit I've allowed a lot of processed junk back into our diets. Even if I could get back to more whole foods, organic or not, that would be a big improvement. This, as in the lack of creating, is also partly a busyness issue. It can seem so much easier and less time-consuming to toss something processed into the oven. However, I don't think this fact is as true as we think. It's not like it takes long to broil some tilapia or steam some asparagus.

Spiritually there has been a journey also. While spirituality and religion has never been the focus of this blog, it pops up enough times here and there for me to see the journey of where I've been and where I am currently. Even in the wandering I believe that God was leading me.

Looking back and seeing where I've come from makes me think that this blog is worth carrying on. Who will I be in two more years? Very likely I will be absolutely the same person when it comes to core personality, but I hope to be very different in terms of virtues and actions.

I hope that I can live more gently not just with Mother Earth, but with other people. I realize that my high expectations for myself I often extend to others. I may not be the most gentle person when someone lets me down or when I perceive that I've been stepped on. This is probably even more true if I feel someone is stepping on a friend of mine. I know that I have a very protective instinct when it comes to my friends. While overall I think this is a good thing, I'm working on being much more responsible and gentle with my reactions. I want to see more balance in my life, finding time for a crafty project or two every now and then. But I also want to be more involved in my church. How will I ever balance it all? I don't know, but I think it's in the process of trying and failing that I will eventually find the way. And I will continue to blog through it all so that in a few more years I can once again see a journey out of the layers of random events, thoughts, and links that I've posted about along the way.

This Mother's Day and Moms I Admire

2010-05-08T10:03:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I can't help but to reflect on how wonderful everything seems right now.

I adore being a mom and spending time with my little one. I love that I have wonderful children in my care that I get to "mother" through the week so that their moms can go to work or wherever it is they are going and feel safe and secure in the knowledge that their little ones are loved while they are away. I am thankful for my own mother who taught me how to nurture and to love.

There are so many other things in my life that are changing and/or have changed in the course of the last year. These things aren't really related to Mother's Day, but as I reflect on life I am thankful nonetheless.

After years of being a church gypsy, I have found a place where I can love and serve and grow in faith. In the past year I have seen friendships in my life change and evolve. Some of the change has been hard. Some has been very positive and uplifting.

I guess some of those changes in a way reflect on motherhood in that I feel I can be a better mother when I have support and friendship in my life.

There are so many supermoms in my life who inspire me to be better.

There's hippymama - She works outside the home, then lovingly makes dinner for the fam - often grilling a feast outside and sending her kiddos in the yard with nets to catch anything their minds can imagine. She knows when to step back and laugh or sing a song when a child has gone off the "deep end" and uses humor in a way that I only wish I could in the heat of the moment. She is sensitive to the needs of her children and won't let others push unrealistic expectations on them. She is a true giver to everyone she comes across and her presence is truly refreshing.

There's wondermama - She cooks, she cleans, she homeschools her kiddo and keeps track of a high energy toddler. She knows what it means to be the great wife that loves, supports, and respects her hubby, probably more than I ever will. She gives wings to her daughter's creativity and ideas by helping her write her own stories. She sees the value in letting her kiddos know that their creative ideas matter. She is a writer and works to sharpen her own creativity, thus striving for balance by allowing time for her own personal growth.

There's hipmama - She's willing to do anything, move anywhere, in efforts to create a better life for her family. She seeks out opportunities for her children to get them out and about. She is amazingly creative and uses her creativity along with her sense of humor to help her children succeed. She sees the value in turning garbage into "treasure" just to encourage a child to complete the task of picking up, something I could definitely work on. She is a writer and her words touch others. She is a gem of a friend and loyal to the core.

There's moonmama - Like the moon she doesn't seek to shine for herself, but reflects light to others. She gives her time, knowledge, and wisdom to other moms seeking answers for nurturing care and comfort for their children. She has a busy household of kiddos, but seeks to provide loving care that is respectful of each child. She supports and inspires moms to find the strength to mother in ways that might be different from how they were raised. Her support kept me going at a time when I was really discouraged as a new mom.

There's huggymama - She knows how to love, love, love and nurture. She would move a mountain if she could if it would help one of her kiddos (or grandkids). She has the world's biggest heart and her sensitivity and compassion towards others is insanely admirable. She is supportive without being invasive. She provides surprise coffee delivery at times when her daughter is feeling overstressed and overtired. She makes the best damn chicken dumplinoodles I've ever had. Happy Mother's Day mom!

Okay - so the names are cheesy. Give me a break. It was hard to come up with so many names. There are so many moms I admire in so many ways. So I hope no one is offended for not "making the list". These were some people that are in my life right now on an ongoing basis that I wanted to acknowledge.

I know that as a mom it's easy to be so self-critical. We see all of our faults. This Mother's Day I hope to give these specific mothers the gift of seeing themselves through someone else's eyes!

The Potty Situation

2010-05-07T14:38:00.002-05:00

Well, we're ten days out and I figured I'd give an update. We breezed through the constant reward stage. Boo no longer receives potty candy for sitting on the potty or for having dry pants. He is consistent enough with using the potty that I felt it was time to get rid of that reward. We have continued potty prize for when there's an actual deposit in the potty. He looks forward to that. Some days bring more accidents than others, but he definitely knows what to do. I don't force him to potty. I remind him where pee and poo goes every now and then and that's about it. Sometimes he jumps up and announces he needs to use the potty and sometimes he waits too long and has an accident. Either way he's learning from the experience and I can see that he is progressing nicely.

I do think that it's been a bit stressful on him. He's been a bit clingier and restless than usual. This makes sense to me though. For years he was able to just let it go whenever. Now he has to constantly try to figure out what his body needs to do and when it needs to be done. So I'm trying to be as supportive as I can. Now that we're done with Kindermusik, we don't have many evening commitments. I'm trying to be very choosy about how we spend our time so that he gets plenty of down time and one on one time with mom and dad through this process. It's such a HUGE milestone though and I'm so very proud of him. Hurray Boo!

Giving All to God?

2010-05-03T15:03:00.002-05:00

How does one give all things to God? There are those who would answer with a witty, christianese statement that simplifies the entire process. There are those who would quote a verse as though the verse in itself is the process. But if it were that easy, would Christ have prayed to God that his cup pass from him if that were at all possible? By cup, meaning his torture and eventual death on the cross.

What if the very depth of a person's soul and what they believe to be the greatest part of their existence is in jeapardy? Will a simplistic remark and/or bible verse set things right in a hurry? I think not.

The best answer I can come up with is that it's in the process, tears, begging, denial, anger, grief, and endangered hopes that we walk a path similar to the one of Christ, with a cross unique to our own life and situation. In the process, perhaps somehow we learn to stop begging for a different path and accept the cup which we are given and peacefully resign ourselves to whatever may come. I guess that's the best I can come up with for now.

Another Potty Post

2010-04-30T15:20:00.003-05:00

I'm sure I'm beating a dead potty horse by continuing to post about this, but I'm just such a proud mama!

Last night hubby and I decided to do away with the practice runs that are a part of the PTLTD method. It just seemed a bit much. The idea behind it is to educate him on what he can do next time in order to prevent the accident, but I think no matter how positive I try to make it, it comes across as punitive. We've continued the pants checks for now (roughly every hour) and he gets to pick out a candy every time his pants are dry at a pants check. This has gone well and he has even volunteered a few pants checks when he knew he was dry! Starting tomorrow I'm going to decrease the amount of pants checks and eventually phase them out.

We've continued the potty prizes. Boo gets sooooo excited when he gets a potty prize and is very proud to tell daddy that he got his prize for peeing in the potty. He got 2 potty prizes the first day that we had potty prizes available, which was day #2 of potty training. He got 3 potty prizes yesterday and 2 so far today! We'll probably continue these for awhile until he's having very few accidents.

Every time he comes with me when I use the potty he is very proud to tell me that "[Boo] puts pee pee in the potty too!" He's very proud of his accomplishments and I'm so happy for him in that.

I think there are more updated versions of the potty plan that we used. I know there's some that have done a 3-day plan and there's other 2 and 1 day plans out there. The one book that I used is older and I think maybe that's part of the problem I have with it. When I reflect on it, it gave me a great plan, but only because I worked to soften it and modify it and incorporate some things from the "No Cry Potty Solution" into it. I wonder if it's because authoritarian parenting was more of a norm when the book was written, versus most parenting resources leaning more towards authoritative parenting in this day and age. The book definitely comes across as a bit harsh at times. My gut tells me that some of the newer 2 and 3 day methods are probably better written and gentler than the resource I used. However, I say that without having read any of them. I'm not knocking the plan completely, because it was definitely the foundation of what we worked on when we started training. I guess if I'm knocking anything, it's the authors recommended implementation of the plan. I wonder if I'm making sense or just rambling?

Anyways, hurray for potty training. It's actually more fun than I thought it would be!

Potty Day #2 - Update

2010-04-28T17:10:00.002-05:00

Well, so I was wrong about the diaper thing. Boo woke up after sleeping in and insisted on his underwear instead of a diaper. So, hacking and feverish, he chose to continue the potty training. He was definitely a bit groggier and less energetic and I can tell he's not feeling well. Although, I have to wonder if the lower energy actually helped with the potty training! Less bouncing around meant more focus during the teaching.

I must say that thus far I'm impressed with the "Potty Train in Less Than a Day" method, which is mostly what I went by. I did incorporate some of "The No Cry Potty Solution" also. I do think that the implementation of PTLTD method could make a huge difference. I think it could be very harsh and insensitive if implemented in an impatient manner. I don't like the author's use of the word "reprimand" simply because that word has a negative connotation. If you ever read the book, you'll see where it's used. However, I think a person could easily take the ideas and methodology and soften the plan a bit, which is pretty much what I did. One thing that was not in PTLTD that I added was a potty prize box. I picked up stickers, $1 stuff at Target, party favor toys, etc...to make the potty prize box. I decided that potty prize would ONLY be for a deposit in the potty, not for an attempt. For an attempt, I still gave candy in the beginning. However, towards the end Boo forgot to ask for the candy after attempting and I didn't offer. I don't plan to offer anymore candy at this point, only praise for attempts. I do want to continue with the potty prize box for now because he's very proud of this.

We spent about 3 hours in the kitchen on potty training. Then his yawns and fussiness increased, so we settled in for a movie. He picked out "Up Down" or "Up" as it's known to most people. I reminded him often that "mommy likes dry underwear" and if he "has to pee pee, that needs to go to the potty." Towards the end of the movie I noticed a potty dance. I reminded him that "pee pee goes in the potty". He started heading towards the kitchen potty area. I followed and sat down on the floor as he started to potty and then subsequently got sprayed with urine. I feel bad because I kind of jumped a little and had to reassure him that what he was doing was wonderful and mommy was so proud. He was very proud to retrieve his potty prize after that and showed it to daddy when daddy got home shortly after that.

So now that he has the concept down and has successfully peed in the potty on several occasions, I'm supposed to remind him every once in awhile that "underwear stays dry" and we put "pee pee in the potty" and other such things. Also, I'll be conducting a dry pants check every hour. At this point I'll still give him candy for the dry pants in order to reinforce how important dry underwear is.

Then tomorrow, according to the book, I should just be doing dry pants checks prior to events that occur regularly, such as meals, snacks, before nap, etc...I will also be sending out constant reminders of where pee pee and poo poo go as well as reminders of the expectations of wearing underwear. There is a procedure to follow for accidents whereby a child practices using the potty 10 times in a row after an accident. We did this for the one accident that Boo had today. He was reluctant of course, but with some encouragement he completed all ten trials very quickly. The point is to do it quickly so that the child practices rushing to the bathroom. So it was easy to make it more fun because we got to run to the potty. So if he has an accident that is the procedure to follow for now. I will still be putting him in diapers for nap time and nighttime. This is a completely different skill that is more dependent on his physiological development and not something he has direct control over. So for now, I'm not going to worry about nap time or night time wetting.

So I feel like we've gotten a great start on our potty training journey. I'm looking forward to seeing how things go. Of course Boo will have accidents. Many people misunderstand the PTLTD method and think that the author is claiming that a child will be accident free after a day. That's ridiculous! Accidents are part of the process of learning. I would definitely recommend this approach, even just as a catalyst to start training or to mesh with other methods. There's just a lot of great ideas. There a few things that sound a bit harsh that I think a person must wade through and soften up a bit, but overall I think it's very great.

And on another note, I'm so proud of Boo for working so hard despite being sick. I'd love to get inside his head and figured out what motivated him all of a sudden to make the switch. It seems like a lot of work for just a few pieces of candy!

Potty Training Day #2

2010-04-28T07:36:00.002-05:00

Well, we spent much of last night listening to Boo cough. He's now passed out on the couch and wakes up to have a coughing fit now and then. So, I am pretty sure that we'll be back in diapers today. I did find some cotton training pants and plastic covers last night. I bought quite a few of them so that my lackluster laundry habits wouldn't get in the way of plenty of dry underwear. I really am so proud of him. Despite being tired when we got home from grandma and papa's house last night, he wanted to sit on his potty. And we caught our second pee of the day then! Woo hoo! I got some other snacks to go along with the candy - chips, dried fruit, nuts, etc...I don't think he responds well to that much sugar during the day. Also, I bought a few cheapy toys in the $1 section at Target and in the party supply section for a potty prize box. When there's an actual deposit in the potty he'll get to pick something out of the prize box. So he got this little plastic car last night after peeing. He was so proud to show daddy the car he got for putting his peepee in the potty!

Boo Pooed and Peed on Potty Today!!!

2010-04-27T13:46:00.002-05:00

Well, I wasn't planning on "officially" beginning the potty-training yet. I put the word official in quotes because I have been doing pre-potty training stuff with him ever since he was about 15-18 months old. I've always shown him the process, talked about it, let him sit on the potty seat, etc...He's been able to watch his older daycare friends, some of who are completely potty-trained and some who are working on it. But I've never actively instructed him in it. I personally wanted to wait until he was older as I felt he would get through the training process more quickly that way. I especially didn't want to train now since we're moving in a month. I guess I figured why train him now if we're just going to have a huge change in a month (moving into the new home) that could cause him to regress. BUT today he handed me his own plan. He told me this morning he wanted to potty and get potty candy (my daycare kiddo that's training gets potty candy when he uses the potty). I just happen to be in the middle of "The No Cry Potty Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, so I stripped him down and sat on the floor while he sat on the potty. Then he told me he wanted a pull-up. I told him we don't have pull-ups, so he'd have to do diaper or underwear and I let him choose. Well, he decided he wanted underwear. So I had to run upstairs and climb over boxes in his room to get to his dresser and pull out his underwear stash (thankfully I already have an underwear supply for him). Since I'm doing daycare today I couldn't really just put him in underwear, so I used one of my cloth diaper covers over it to help contain the leaks. They don't keep all the leakage in as I later saw, but they reduce the mess. So he's spent the morning in just underwear and a cover with no other clothes. I pulled out my "Potty Train in Less Than a Day" book by Nathan Azrin. This is the method that I have planned on using for quite some time. However, I do not yet have my potty doll, so I find that we've now started a hybrid of "Potty Train in Less Than a Day" and some ideas in "The No Cry Potty Solution." I'm going to run out after work today and get Boo some more underwear and perhaps a few plastic covers if I can find some. He has pooped in the potty twice today and peed once. He was sad about putting diaper on for nap time, but I only have normal underwear, not cloth training pants, so diaper was our best choice for nap time. But I did promise him that he would go back into underwear as soon as he woke up. Now that he's initiated his own potty training, I won't go back to diapers (with the exception of nap time and nighttime) unless he really resists and insists on the diapers. So I guess we'll see where this goes!

From One Stress to Another

2010-04-26T07:45:00.002-05:00

Well, our funding for our home loan was officially approved. YAY - that relieved a huge amount of stress. Now on to packing, which is another big ball of stress. I am trying hard to think positively about the opportunity that we have to get rid of a bunch of JUNK. YAY! It's crazy to think that in all of the times that we've moved since we've been married we've gotten rid of a ton of stuff every time. The junk just comes back after you move!

So packing will be the family activity of choice for the next month. Once we move I'm going to have to obsess over getting the house daycare ready, in other words DCFS compliant. There won't be a ton to do to accomplish this, but enough. Safety locks, fire extinguisher, safety gates, etc...Fun times. Then DCFS and the fire marshall will be showing up sometime and I get to go through that bundle of fun again.

So while it's all good things, it's still going to be stressful. I'm going to do the best I can to find ways to relax and relieve stress when necessary, but it's going to be hard with so much that must be done.

Bring on the coffee

2010-04-19T06:21:00.002-05:00

Five thirty came this morning and instead of slumbering peacefully I was awakened by my hubby "Crystal.Get up. Crystal! It's time to get up. You have to get up. Come on. Hurry up and get up so I can go back to sleep!" sigh, wiggle wiggle go my toes, groan"Crystal. Get UP!"sigh, roll,groan, stretch. And on that went for about 5 minutes or so until I finally forced my body to move, wiggling out of bed most ungracefully. I had a 6:00am appointment with a needle at the hospital lab this morning, just the kind of thing that makes a person burrow further into bed as opposed to jump out. But get out of bed I did. And now I'm back and of course there's no going to sleep now. Where's the coffee? sigh Guess it's not going to make itself. I'll have to drag my body into the kitchen and put the water on, grind my coffee, and get the french press ready to go. But the rich coffee aroma and the warm roasted bean thickness in my mouth will really hit the spot this morning.

Babywise - some things to consider

2010-04-17T01:20:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted on something that I'm passionate about.

Prior to Boo being born I was so fortunate to read Dr. Sears "The Baby Book." I will say that this book laid the foundation for the type of mother that I have been, am currently, and will evolve to be. Dr. Sears is well known and has a ton of books out on a variety of subjects regarding raising children. He is a strong supporter of the style of parenting that I wholeheartedly agree with - attachment parenting.

There is a style of parenting that Dr. Sears is an opponent of. And he's not alone. The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) News has printed an article with concerns regarding Babywise.

AAP News

In some Christian communities Babywise techniques have been elevated to "the" Godly way to raise children.

Train Up A Child

An AAP Media alert asserts the actual position of the AAP regarding scheduled feedings.

AAP Media Alert

Cue Feeding v. Parent Directed Feeding

This page has some good comparisons of Ezzo, The Baby Whisperer, and AAP recommendations.

Anyways, it's late. I need to get to sleep. But that's probably enough food for though.

What's Up

2010-04-15T00:59:00.002-05:00

I've somewhat neglected my blogging as of late. I think it's partly that 2010 rolled in like a freight train and has been chugging along ever since.

On a personal note we're in the midst of purchasing a house. That's new and exciting and somewhat frightening all at once. This was not in our original plan for this year or even the next. But so far nothing in our lives has really gone according to plan, so why this? I don't mean that in a terrible sense either. Of course owning a home is a wonderful thing. I guess this just wasn't our preferred time line. But circumstances have led to this being the right time and the right decision for us. Once the decision to buy was made we found a house that seemed right almost immediately. So we have a contract to buy and everything is moving along as far as that goes.

Boo is growing and changing and becoming more child-like, as opposed to toddlerish, every day. It's a bit frightening to me how fast it all seems. He's such a precious and wonderful gift in our lives. I can't imagine life without him. To watch his face light up with joy in the most mundane of tasks is amazing and heartwarming and beautiful. Now that the weather has warmed up his favorite past time is riding his bike. He likes to create his plan for the day and tell me what he plans to do each day. Riding bikes is always thrown in there, as is going to see grandma and papa. Speaking of which, no matter how much I try to tell him about "mommy, daddy, and [Boo]'s new house" he continues to insist that it's "mommy, daddy, [Boo]'s, and papa's new house." I've informed him repeatedly that grandma and papa will NOT be living with us. He even threw Santa Clause in there one day. I'm sure it'd be every child's dream to have Santa live with them. Who can blame a kid for throwing it out there?

The daycare is hopping. After months and months of frustration and anxiety, the daycare finally filled up over fall and winter last year and has stayed full. That's such a huge blessing. I'm very lucky to have great kiddos and families and no anticipated openings until at least next fall. It's so nice to have the same group of kiddos consistently. They are becoming solid friends and play so well together - as well as that age group can play when it comes to peer relations! For the most part I think Boo enjoys the daycare and having his friends over. Of course he has his days where I can tell that he's not in the mood for it and that's understandable. But overall he just has a ton of fun playing.

Mixed in with the home buying and moving fun and the daily grind of daycare, I'm working on medical issues this month. So that's always fun. Hubby and I have been meeting with a practitioner since December learning a new method of fertility care. Creighton Model
I don't think I have any male readers, but just in case you might want to skip over the rest of this paragraph. It was founded by the Pope Paul VI Institute for the Study of Human Reproduction. I actually like that it's founded by the Catholic church because from a moral standpoint my views are probably pretty similar to those of the Catholic church when it comes to reproductive technology. Anyways, so we've been attending these meetings to learn a new way of charting my cycles so that we can address some issues with my hormones. Yes, it's always nice to learn that your body is hormonally imbalanced. It makes it harder to convince hubby that I'm always right. :) So this month is going to focus on finding out the details of my hormone imbalances. I will be getting blood drawn between 9 and 10 times this month. Doesn't that sound fantastic? But it's for good cause. At the end of the month we'll know which hormones are doing what and when they're doing it. Then hopefully we can work on taming those naughty hormones and getting them to do what they're supposed to do.

So, there's a lot of stuff intermingling in my life right now and a lot of unknowns. It's a bit overwhelming at times. But I really am just trying to enjoy one day at a time, laugh at the silly things that my little one and all the daycare kiddos do and say, enjoy the warmth of the sun as it reminds me day after day that winter is over and spring is here, and delight in a marriage that has lasted through 7 trying years and will persevere through 50 more (if we live that long).

Breastfeeding Information

2010-03-12T07:31:00.002-06:00

I just read this article and thought it was really great. I'd love it if there was more information available for parents regarding extended nursing. Anyways, here's a link to the article.

To Wean or Not to Wean

Clarity - a religious post, consider yourself warned

2010-02-21T17:37:00.002-06:00

Well, that's it. I'm officially done "visiting" church. We've been visiting one since Septemberish, with a break in the last month or so. But I feel lately that some great clarity has come upon me and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I have decided on some things.

1. Whining about the fact that christians continually let me down is getting me nowhere. I will never commit to a church or stay at a church for any length of time if I expect christians to act like non-sinners. I mean, the very faith of christianity says that all sin. So, if I buy into that, and I do, then I must accept that people will disappoint me and let me down. The flip side of that is I will let others down and disappoint them. So I guess we will have to have grace with one another. Perhaps this is why there are commands in the bible that we should be in regular fellowship with christians. Maybe it's in the dealing with our own and others imperfections that we must practice that thing that C.S. Lewis, an amazing christian philosopher, refers to as "Mere Christianity." I guess it's easy to practice our faith when people behave as we'd like them to. But true faith in God is loving the unlovable. Christ himself said something like that. I realize how very self-righteous this attitude is. God knows how I am often that "unlovable" person and I probably need to be reminded of that often.

2. Waiting until I 100% understand and/or agree with a church/denomination before getting involved and making some sort of commitment is asinine. Honestly, with that criteria, I'd be 90 years old before committing anywhere, if I ever commit at all. Granted, there are extremes here. I do believe that a person can commit to a church/body of believers too soon and end up in "too deep" upon realizing that it is not the place for them. My husband and I have made that mistake with a couple of past churches (several years prior to now) and we were careful to keep our distance this time around. However, I believe there is a happy medium and I feel that continuing to distance myself would be going beyond the happy medium and heading to the opposite extreme.

3. I am going to let go of my fear and skepticism at leaping into something that is different from what I was taught for the first 30 years of my life roughly. This fear in addition to my commitment phobic nature when it comes to churches has made my recent decision HUGE for me. But here's the deal. While I am experiencing a new kind of christianity, it is the same old faith for me. The faith that believes in Christ and centers around him as the source of salvation. It's always been about Jesus for me and it always will be. It's just that there are things in this different but same faith that upon reflection make absolute sense to me. There are things that leave me in awe of God's sovereignty and reveal in my heart a new reverence for my Creator.

I feel free and unburdened and this feels wonderful. These revelations were slow to come about, but slow is sometimes best. I've heard an argument against Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings that the hobbits could've simply rode on the back of an eagle all the way to Mordor and back out and the process of tossing the ring into fire would've been simpler and easier. But that's not the point of Tolkien's story. The hobbits were forever changed in the journey. Perhaps spiritually, I could've come about this with less journeying, or without being a church gypsy as I once referred to myself, but God changed me in the process. I wouldn't have been ready for this change several years ago or even 6 months ago. Less change happens often in the moment of decision than in the journey that led to such a decision. At least I feel that's the way it's been for this in my life.

I realize that I haven't gotten overly specific about certain things in this post, but I guess that's because the point of my post is that I feel happy and unburdened and excited about this decision, not because I wish to invite and partake of any debate in this, which I don't.

Anyways, wishing clarity to all in such matters. God Bless!

I Love You Mama

2010-02-03T13:19:00.002-06:00

Boo has been responding to "I love you" for awhile now with his own little "luf too" or something like that. BUT, he has never spontaneously initiated such love talk. Well, up until last weekend anyways. I was changing his diaper and he leaned in and hugged me and said, "I love you mama" clear as a bell. It took me awhile to gather my mushy, melty heart off of the floor. He's been telling daddy also. What a sweet and loving little boy I have. I'm so thankful for him!

Raising Your Spirited Child

2010-01-28T19:11:00.004-06:00

I just finished reading a great book called "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She is an educator in Minnesota's Early Childhood Family Education Program and author of several other books. She also founded Spirited Child and Power Struggles workshops.

This book is amazing. I imagine that I will return to this book many times throughout the years as I'm raising Boo and any siblings he might have. This book is applicable not just to the age that Boo is at now, but to many ages.

One thing that this book does a wonderful job of is encouraging parents to really consider who their child is as a person. Kurcinka speaks about the different aspects that make up temperament and the challenges that are unique to children who seem to be a bit "more" in one aspect or another. Specifically, she discusses extroversion versus introversion, intensity, persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness, adaptability, regularity, energy, first reaction, and mood.The extroversion/introversion chapter alone provided me with so much insight regarding my child.

Boo is without a doubt an introvert. I never quite realized it until reading Kurcinka's chapter comparing the two. In fact, I kind of knew that I tended towards introversion myself. Reading Kurcinka's chapter on introversion versus extroversion gave me greater insight into myself and into my child. I've often wondered why so and so can go to one thing after another, bouncing from one activity to another all week long, and I start to go nutty if I go out more than two nights a week. I used to think that maybe something was wrong with me for not being able to handle as much activity or a higherlevel of busyness. The reality is that I'm just not wired that way. Just as an extrovert feels like they're dying inside if they don't get enough time to socialize, the introvert feels incredibly drained by constant social commitments and activity. Introverts feel energized by spending time either alone or with a favorite friend. I have always tended towards one on one outings with friends in lieu of large group activities. I can feel energized going for coffee with a good friend that I trust, but if I go to a party involving lots of people I need time to recover afterwards. What I find energizing as an introvert is a night in with a good book! Anyways, this book of Kurcinka's is about children, right? So, getting back to that, I've realized why Boo clams up when we go to Kindermusik and the teacher prompts him to count or point something out in a book. I admit that I'm sitting there watching anxiously and thinking, "I know he knows how to do this. Everyone's going to think my child's behind. Why won't he perform??" But the reality is, being an introvert, it's hard for him to go to Kindermusik and participate in the activities and follow the instructions. But being put on the spot to answer a question or pointing something out in a book - well, that's just beyond him as a little introvert. Granted, as he gets older he'll be able to do more despite his introversion. But his personality will more than likely lead him to draw back a little bit. And the great thing is, that's OKAY. In our culture, I think we prize extroversion a bit. I love how Kurcinka's book draws out the strengths that introverts possess. And the reality is that pushing him to act like an extrovert will only cause him to feel bad about the way he is. Instead, I need to accept him for who he is and nurture the strengths that are inherent to introversion.

I realize that I'm going on and on about this one point. But it was a huge eye opener for me. Boo attends my home daycare by default that he lives here. Recognizing that he is an introvert gives me insight to notice when he's trying to communicate that he needs time to himself. In fact, I've been frustrated by Boo for not wanting to join in on art projects when I'm in the kitchen with all of the other children doing some fun sort of painting, coloring, or whatever the art is for that day. But you know what he's doing while we're in there and he's refusing to join? Playing with the toys by himself, perfectly content. Thinking about him with this insight made me realize that this is how he finds time for himself in a busy home with friends around constantly. Knowing this I was able to relax today when he didn't want to join the finger painting fun. I didn't ask him nearly so many times, "Are you sure you don't want to come and paint?" Now I know that he's doing something that makes him feel energized and happy. And I can always paint with him on the weekend. And when we respect who our children are as people, we give them the space to have their needs met, which ultimately leads to a happier and better behaved child. And don't we all want children who behave well?

I think that's what I liked about this book. The end result is that we all want our children to "behave" for lack of a better word. This book has so much information about getting to know who your child is as a person and then respecting that. We can respect their unique personalities and set them up for success in different situations rather than forcing them into something that sets them up for failure. Of course we can't control every situation and our children will be faced with things that go against their personality that they must deal with. But if we set them up for success as much as we possibly can, they will have more energy to deal with those situations that are less than ideal. I like how one parent in one of Kurcinka's groups put it. "We don't teach children how to swim by throwing them in the deep end." We shouldn't do that in their daily lives. Very young children have few coping skills and need years to learn how to cope with a variety of situations. It's okay to do what we can to make it easier on them as they get their feet wet and start the learning process.

I feel like this has been terribly rambly, but this book is awesome. There's so much more that I could go into, but I risk writing a novel about a novel. So I probably need to stop. I highly recommend that any parent look into this book - and not just if you feel your child is in the "spirited" category. I think any parent of any child could benefit from this book!

This is the Way We Wash Our Hands

2010-01-20T17:15:00.004-06:00

Let me start this post by saying that I LOVE that Boo is so independent and loves to do things for himself.

However, I will say that I find myself taking a lot of deep breaths these days because I'm battling my own impatience. It's much quicker for me to wash Boo's hands at the sink than to stand by and let him do it. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad except that he can't yet reach the nozzle on the faucet. But he is of course so offended if I turn the water on for him, so I have to pick him up so that he can turn the water on himself. Then he must push the black button that turns the water to spray and he can't reach that either. So I have to hold him while he does that. So once that's done he's content to put his hands under the water while I hand him the soap. Once he receives the soap he promptly pushes me away and says, "Mommy. Go o'er dere." This is where I take a very deep breath because I know that he can't figure out how to pump the soap (it locks if you turn it the wrong way), yet he insists on trying for a bit each time. After he's tried and grunted and become frustrated with it I'll offer to help and he'll grudgingly accept help from mommy to pump the soap. But then I must immediately move away again while he rubs his hands together under the water. Usually I have to prompt him to turn the water off or we'd be there half the day while he plays in the water. And once again, even though he can't reach it, he must push the black button that turns the water from spray to pour. Then he turns the faucet off and I must lift him up for both tasks. After that he will happily climb down the stool and wipe his hands and face with his towel and then throw said towel into the garbage.

And some people say that extended nursing, babywearing, and refusing cry it out methods will cause a child to be overly dependent. Hahaha. I simply have to laugh at that as I care for my stubbornly independent 2 1/2 year old!

Awimsing We Go

2010-01-18T23:01:00.002-06:00

Well, we've tried the pool at the YMCA a couple of times. I even found a swimsuit over the weekend that's not insanely huge on me and a maternity suit at that. So when we went tonight I got to wear my new, properly fitting, non-maternity swimsuit. That was nice!

Boo did great. The first time we went swimming, or wimsing as Boo calls it, he clung to me mostly and was a bit leary. Although even then he told me "I like a water!" and "That fun!" after I spun him around in the water.

We went again this afternoon and he's definitely showing signs of wanting to be more independent with it. I'd like to find him one of those vests that's stuffed with flotation devices. Anyone know where I can get one of those in the dead of winter? He told me when we were done tonight "I like a blue water." But he does NOT like the shower. We shower before and after and he's not a fan! Also, he's afraid of the swimsuit dryer thing. AND he HATES getting his hair dried by the dryer in the locker room. It's a bit scary for him.

If he's comfortable enough I may put him in the independent swim lessons at the Y after he turns 3. That means he would be on his own with the swim instructor and mommy would be sidelined. Eek - how is my baby almost old enough for that??!!!

Anyways, my goal is to go swimming, er..I mean wimsing, a couple of times a week so that he really gets used to the water. And, it's just plain old good family fun. It beats sitting on the couch in the evenings!

Some Small Victories

2010-01-14T14:37:00.002-06:00

Well, we will get to use our new YMCA membership for the first time tonight. Specifically, we're planning to take Boo to the pool. He has a fear of pools, so we'd really like to expose him a bit more. I wasn't sure that Boo had any swimwear. I did find a pair of Lightning McQueen swim trunks that he got last summer for his birthday, but they're 4T! They do have a tie so I guess we'll find out tonight if they are going to stay up or not. I think he'd be more likely to fit into his 18 month size from last summer, but I think I've packed them away and I don't feel like looking for them. So we'll try the Cars swim trunks.

I found a set of plastic drawers in my closet that wasn't getting used. I originally bought it to help me store clothes as the clothing racks in my closet are useless for this purpose. But honestly, this set of drawers pretty much never gets any use. Perhaps if my laundry made it out of the basket before being worn again it would get used! I think it'll get more use as a craft paper storage unit. Currently all the daycare paper and felt is shoved in a wooden basket in my craft cabinet. The edges are getting bent and it's all piled together. It's hard to see what I have. So now I have sorted the paper and felt into separate drawers. The drawers are perfectly sized for this purpose. Construction paper is separated from cardstock. White paper and felt have their own drawers. I'll need to find a spot for my jumbo-sized finger paint paper and my roll of contact paper, but that will come in time!

There are some things boxed up ready to go to the basement. I'm trying to get into the habit of grabbing a box everytime I go upstairs so that I can start to see some space in the craft/supply room.

I've been using sparkpeople consistently which is a victory. Now I just need to do a better job of staying within my daily targets. But the fact that I'm tracking consistently is a start. I had a good day with my targets and two bad days. But I still feel I'm doing better than I have been for the past month, so I'm on the right track as far as that goes!

New Year's Resolutions

2010-01-13T12:55:00.003-06:00

Well, it's the middle of January, but better late than never. And no, punctuality is NOT going to be on my list of resolutions. Heehee

1. Relationship Changes

In the new year I'd like to deepen those relationships that would benefit from more depth. In other words, spend more time getting to know friends and allowing the friendship to grow, giving myself permission more often to get out of the house with girlfriends, and being more hospitable by having others over more often.

Another part of this resolution is letting go of relationships that aren't working. People grow and change and often I find myself stubbornly clinging to a friendship that was perhaps in its prime years ago. This is a personal fault of mine I guess in that I'm an intensely loyal friend and tend to have a "once friends, always friends" sort of attitude. In a sense that's true. I think that in case of real crisis I would be there for anybody that I've called a friend at one point in time. However, in terms of the everyday, some friendships don't need my continued efforts and energy. I say this not as a negative or with any sort of bitterness. Changing friendships is a natural process in life, one that I'm learning to fight against with less vigor. So part of my relationship improvements this year may involve cutting back where that is necessary.

A third part of this resolution would be improving family relationships. This is something that I continue to try to chip away at. I'd love for Ayden to share more time playing with and getting to know his cousins this year.

2. A more homey space

I have been VERY lax in this area. I admit that moving around a lot in our first few of marriage kind of decreased my desire to do the normal family things, like putting pictures on the wall, painting, and other such things. However, there's something to be said for a space that is homey and inviting, that tells something about the inhabitants. T is against painting and well, I'm just going to stubbornly work on him on that one because I think it would make all the difference in the appearance of our home. It would also improve the appearance of the daycare area. Can't you just see the arguments on my side mounting?

Also, less clutter would help me feel more at home. Visual clutter is very stressful to me. Right now my method is when it gets too bad I bag it up and move it upstairs. You should see the bags of junk piled in my closet. I'm slowly making my way through the bags, but the clutter continues to build repeatedly. So finding places for things is going to be important. That is a huge part of the problem - we've just never made homes for things. When we moved in I was 7 months preggo with Boo and extremely unmotivated to organize to any great degree. Then Boo was born and well, life is just busy. But I do want to make time for this in the new year.

Specifically we're working on creating a space upstairs in an extra room. It's becoming the craft/daycare supply/future homeschool room. Right now it's a disorganized mess due to being in transition, lack of appropriate storage materials, and lack of time spent organizing. So, there's a lot of work to be done.

3. More homemade items this year

Specifically I'd like to do more homemade Christmas stuff this year. Several years ago I made ponchos and hats for my nieces for Christmas and I've never been more proud to give a gift in my life. Now these were not perfect and my sewing skills are very elementary, but there was something great about being able to put all of my love for them into something handmade. Also, I made Boo a hat and scarf last year. This year I've been working on a new set (he's outgrown the old set) and I admit that it might be spring before I'm done. It's hard to find the time and my excuses are a mile long as to finding other things to do besides sit down and knit. It's kind of ridiculous because once I force myself to sit down and knit, I find much peace and relaxation in the process.

I'd also like to get back to scrapbooking. Getting our craft room done is of key importance in that having the space properly set up would be a huge help. It's hard to scrapbook when it takes forever to gather my things together. By the time I do that it's time to put it all away!

In a lot of ways I think the success of this goal depends on the success of goal #2 - specifically the craft/daycare supply/homeschool room.

4. Healthy Lifestyle Changes

No New Year's Resolution list would be complete without this goal however cliche it may be! This is really a continuation of last year. I've done pretty great with maintaining my weight loss from last year, with the exception of a few pounds gained through the holidays. Um...oops. Anyways, I'm taking a big step this year in letting go of my weight watcher's membership. This was a hard decision for me because I've lost 25 pounds with weight watchers and I hate to give up something that's working. However, for the same monthly fee that I pay for weight watcher's our entire family can have a YMCA membership. This just makes more sense to me.

Nutritionally speaking I do have some support in lieu of weight watchers though. I'm going to be using sparkpeople.com. It's different from weight watchers in that you're tracking calories, fat, carbs, and protein instead of just points (which is a combo of calories, fat, and fiber). So the nutritional tracking will be different. But it's still the same concept. Consume less calories than you use in a day and you'll lose weight. It's not rocket science. That doesn't mean it's easy, but it will work if I stick to it. I've been using sparkpeople for the last few days and I like it so far. There's also a place to track my workouts.

I'd like to work out regularly in the new year. That's been a hard thing for me. I often feel exhausted after spending my day with children. But I figure even if I just walk a few laps at the indoor track at the Y or play in the pool with my child, I'm still doing something besides sitting on my couch in the evening. I will be attempting to add more working out this year, but I'm honestly not going to obsess over it at this point. I'd just like us all to be more active and get out more. Also, I think it will be good for me to get out of the house more. I think my job is turning me into a hermit. I LOVE my job, but I'm so tired by the end of the day that it's hard to want to go anywhere. So I'd like to work on my perception of that.

Well, it's not a long list of goals. Four goals, but big and important goals that will make a huge difference in my life as I work hard at achieving them this year.

Language Arts According to Boo

2010-01-06T09:18:00.002-06:00

One of the fun things about little children is their language development. As a mom I never know what Boo is going to say next or how he's going to say it. As he ages his words get clearer and clearer, but he still hangs on to quite a few idiosyncratic pronunciations. So this is my way of preserving them before they're gone forever. Here are some of my favorites:

Boo's Pronunciation Actual Word

Bunnon Button
Panuhcakes Pancakes
bllooooo Blue
Aynen Ayden
Dasaur Dinosaur
Kimuss Christmas
Mikeen Lightning McQueen
Tane Train, also refers to semis seen on the interstate
Gampuh Grandpa
Gammuh Grandma
Ornage Orange
Sillal Cereal
Blanklet Blanket

More Language Fun

Marley and Marley and Marley = The Muppet Christmas Carol
Dollars = refers to anything paper, such as receipts, scraps of paper, even the tag inside of his Christmas stocking was referred to as dollars!
uh-oh = not just used for accidental situations. Used to point out things of interest, kind of like a verbal exclamation point. Ex- Boo exclaimed "Uh-oh. Dinner" while in the car with his grandparents. They were driving past a restaurant that T and I have taken him to for dinner before!
Night night rilla = Good night Gorilla
coffee = This is what he calls his hot chocolate that he gets through the drive-thru of the local coffee shop
No go bed = I threw this in for Boo because I'm sure that he thinks this saying is fun. I don't!

Anyways, I thought I'd post this for something fun while I'm still giving careful consideration to my goals for the new year!

Reflecting on Last Year's Resolutions

2010-01-03T10:33:00.002-06:00

I came across something like this in one of the blogs that I read and thought it was a great idea. It's fun to make resolutions, but doesn't it make sense to look back and see if we accomplished what we set out to do? So I've decided to grade myself on last year's resolutions.

Here's my resolutions from last year:

* Attend weight watchers meetings regularly.

I'm giving myself a C for this. The grade could be lower because my attendance SUCKED, but I did lose roughly 25 pounds last year with weight watchers and kept it off. So that's why I'm getting a C instead of a D. However, it was when I was attending meetings regularly that I lost the weight. It was when I was blowing off meetings that I stalled. I'm one of those people that just needs to go the meetings in order to be successful.

* Be more social. Have people over more and go out with others a bit more.

I get a B for this. There's definitely quite a bit of room for improvement, but for me I think I did pretty well. I tend to be an introvert (and I'm completely okay with that by the way), so it doesn't take much social interaction for me to feel great in that area. But there's still room for improvement. However, with a really great friend moving to the area during the new year this area will only continue to get better. Plus I've made some good friends through my business and I'm sure those will continue to improve also. Overall, the social state of things for me in the Burg is dramatically different (in a good way) than it was four years ago.

* Get Boo's scrapbook done through year 2 before his second birthday so that I can put it on display.

Hahahahahahaha. F---- I think I'm going to buy a bunch of cheap photo albums this year and just get the pics put away. Fron now on scrapbooking will be only for special events/trips/etc...I just can't keep up otherwise!

So it's a mixed bag I guess as to how I did with my resolutions. However, there were many great things that happened last year that were not a part of my resolutions. So overall I feel like it was a happy and successful year.

I'll be posting on my goals for this year when I get a chance to sit down and think about it!

Ringing in the New Year

2010-01-02T04:52:00.002-06:00

Well, we had a lovely New Year's Eve party. My nieces were here and we had a good time eating pizza and hanging out. Wally also joined in the fun for a bit. We made some rock band bling bracelets from a kit that I picked up at Target. Boo played with snowman stickers instead of making a bracelet.

Poor little Boo developed a fever early on, so he had some medicine and went to bed with daddy. :(

My nieces wanted to watch Harry Potter until the countdown, so I popped in the first of the Harry Potter movies and promptly fell asleep. I was awoken later when the movie was over to realize that it was four minutes until midnight (according to my watch anyways). So I flipped on the tv and looked for the countdown, but we completely missed it!

So I passed out the sparkling grape juice, party hats, and noisemakers and we cheered in the new year. The youngest of my nieces that was in attendance fell asleep sitting up, so we had a good time sticking a party hat on her head and a noisemaker in her mouth and taking pictures of her snoozing away with her party gear on! We also tried to get Wally to let us put a party hat on his head. But being the wild puppy that he is, we weren't successful with that. In the end we put a party hat on top of his crate and took a picture.

We slept in late that morning and had pancakes and sausage for breakfast courtesy of T. The girls left shortly after that.

Poor Boo has carried his fever into the new year. He was feverish all day yesterday and into the evening. So we'll probably be ringing in the new year with a visit to Prompt Care tomorrow. My child has a knack for getting sick when the doctor's office is closed! I do hope he feels better soon. It stinks to see him clearly not feeling well.

Anyways, as the new year rings in, I'd love to post some goals for the year, but I've been so busy lately I haven't really sat down to think through what those goals might be. So perhaps they will come, but a little late.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope for good things to come!

Ornament Soup

2009-12-31T11:00:00.003-06:00

Ornament Soup

Empty pot
Wooden spoon
A couple of ornaments stolen from the X-mas tree

Place ornaments in empty pot and stir with spoon. Take ornaments out. Stir empty pot. Put ornaments in. Stir again. Offer a taste to everyone in sight.

This was Boo's creation while I was fixing dinner last night. Mmmmm...

Out With a Bang

2009-12-30T14:19:00.002-06:00

Well, this year is going out with a bang. Life really does throw some crazy surprises sometimes. However, it's in the "rolling with the punches" that we become who we are.

Our latest surprises? Our poor bunny Oscar died. He could not fight the infection any longer I think. We came downstairs this past Sunday to find that he was no longer with us. It's very sad. His cage is gone. We moved it out. Boo hasn't asked about Oscar at all, which seems strange to me. Perhaps somehow he knows - at least to the extent that a two year old could know something like this. He was a wonderful and loving pet. He will be missed.

Our other surprise happened Sunday evening. We were on a shopping trip and our car breathed it's last breath, revved for the last time, or however I should say it. We knew this was coming, so not a total surprise. But we didn't expect it to be quite so soon. So for the second time in the last five years we find ourselves temporarily without transportation. How I miss the days when T and I had two vehicles between us. I long to get back to that so that losing one car is not total loss of transportation and freedom. It will happen though. We just need to practice our patience.

So here we are. A few days later and all is calm. I had some good news health wise yesterday. So it was nice to have a positive thrown in there. My daycare kiddos are back today. That's another positive. After not having them for an entire week, it's nice to see them all today. We went out and played in the snow today. Twenty minutes to get ready for twenty minutes of outdoor play! It was a blast though. The kiddos loved the toboggan that T picked up for the daycare earlier this month. There's even a little hill in the backyard courtesy of my sloppy gardening style. Basically it's leftover sod that was never removed from the yard before it started to break down and grow tall weeds during spring and summer. I'm sure that it looked very trailor trash. But now all covered in snow, it's the perfect size for a toddler toboggan hill. The kiddos loved going "wee" down the hill!

I have a lot to look forward to in the new year. My business is going great and I feel confident that it will continue to do well. I have some exciting things that I'd like to add to the daycare, all in good time though. I will be ending this year on a very positive note, spending time with my family and with my wonderful nieces on New Year's Eve!

Holiday Mish Mash

2009-12-23T13:42:00.005-06:00

A little of this and a little of that is probably what this post is going to evolve into, hence the title of "mish mash."

First of all, the daycare has been going extremely well. Better than I could've hoped actually. It's the first time in years that I've been able to truthfully say that I love my job. Yes, I have my "want to pull my hair out" days, but that's life. I have wonderful kiddos and families. It's so wonderful to see Boo have so many delightful children that he can count as friends. Granted, if he had his way, maybe he'd have his friends over a little less, but overall he does a wonderful job of sharing his home, toys, and his mommy with others. So this Christmas season I feel so thankful for the wonderful families and kiddos that I work with. Not only do I have great families, but I have filled every spot. It's hard to believe that five or six months ago I was wondering if I'd have to throw in the towel on the home daycare idea. It's been a huge exercise in patience and trust, but I do believe that God has taken care of us.

We've been crafting and creating X-mas and winter themed art this month. It's been so fun. We've also done a few Montessori-inspired activities with a X-mas theme. One of my favorites was sorting light bulbs into X-mas tree shaped silicone candy trays. It was a fun way to work on color recognition and sorting. The kiddos really seemed to enjoy it.

I took Boo to the $ store to pick out presents for important people in his life. This was fun, but I must admit that the experience was not quite the peaceful and perfect endeavor that I had envisioned in my head. I had such a vision of lovingly helping him make choices between this or that object for so and so. Instead I had a whiny toddler who wanted to look at everything for himself and didn't really care much about picking things out for anybody. Ah - toddlerhood in all of it's egocentric glory! We did end up choosing things, but the process was much more chaotic and stressful than I had pictured. Oh well. I'm still glad that we went though. Even if he doesn't quite "get it" yet, the idea of giving to others is something that I want instilled in my children even at a young age. So I guess enough experiences like the $ store experience will lay that foundation one little piece at a time. And perhaps one day I'll realize that he "gets it" and there won't be one defining experience that taught him about giving but a mish mash of chaotic, whiny, disorganized experiences all mushed together that instilled the value of charitable giving.

Sidenote- what's with my use of "mish mash" this month. Seems a bit much. Oh well.

Wally's coming along quite nicely. He seems as though he's starting to mellow a bit. I'm loving that. As he mellows more and more his time out of his crate is extended more and more. I dream of the day that he can wander freely in the evenings. Right now he's kind of like Wonderpup the wonderspaz when he's out. He can be a bit much. Even Boo finds him overwhelming much of the time. They are doing MUCH better together though. There was a time when having them in the same room together was a constant cry fest for Boo and a constant nip fest for Wally. I would say that Wally's definitely a non-nipper. This is saying a lot considering he turned into a little alligator for awhile after we brought him home! And he's so great with the daycare kiddos. He feels very protective of them. When the big people (aka parents) come in and start handling their children during pick up and drop off, poor little Wally goes a little nutso. It's a bit comical how he watches out for them. His crate was moved from the kitchen to the office, known as the "special room" to the kiddos. It's so nice for him to be more a part of things. The kitchen was a bit too isolating for him I think. And there's much more to absorb the sound when he barks in the office, versus in the kitchen where the sound just bounced around and gave me the world's biggest headache! I love my dog, but owning a dog is so different than I visualized. Not in a bad way, just different. My dog can drive me so insanely batty some days, but I still love him. In that way, he reminds me so much of a toddler! I never understood this until I became a dog owner. I'd always seen other people with their dogs, happily petting them, watching them perform tricks, and all of those cutesy things. But it's in the maddening times I think where the depth of your relationship with your pet develops. Practically anyone can love a dog when he is "behaving", but to care for a dog and love it when it's being infuriating is a whole new level of love. I think this is so similar to how I feel about parenting - the depth comes from the struggles!

Oh, we now have a three legged rabbit. I'm not sure if I've mentioned that. Poor Oscar had a tumor and had to have his left rear leg removed. He was supposed to have his staples out Monday, but he had an area that became infected. So he's on a different antibiotic and we go back tomorrow to see how he's doing. I really really hope the infection is gone. The vet talked about cutting further up if we can't get the infection to heal, but I don't know. I don't want to keep chopping the poor bunny. I'm just hoping he heals this time so that we don't have to think of alternatives. He's definitely more with it this week. I wonder if the pain medication he was on last week made him lethargic. He's hopping around, eating, drinking, and seeming more like himself. He's just having a harder time keeping himself clean. We've had to really step up the grooming in order to try to keep infection at bay. Hopefully we've done a good enough job of it this time around. So I'm hoping for no infection when we go to the vet tomorrow.

Right now kiddos are napping peacefully. Naptime - my favorite part of the day. My kiddos are so good about laying down and napping. Another thing to be thankful for!

Well, I guess it's time to stop writing and get wrapping. There's still lots of gifts to wrap. I'd like to get it done so that we can focus on getting the train/craft room ready. I guess I didn't mention that. We're using our second bedroom as a train/craft/someday school type of room (for when Boo starts his homeschooling). I'd also like to store extra toys/daycare materials/art supplies in there. Yes - it's going to have to be organized to the nth degree in order to accomodate all of that. So anyways, we've been piling bags of junk that have been gathered up around the house in this room. We've gotten through a lot of it in the last week, but we still have more to clear out in order to make way for the train table. There's now way the room will be finished before X-mas, but we just need to make it functional enough to put up Boo's train table, wrap it up, and stick a big bow on top. The boy is getting trains galore for X-mas. We ended up doing a train theme for his gifts. It was definitely not intentional. It just happened. Every single gift, with the exception of stocking stuffers, has to do with trains! I'm eventually going to get my sewing machine and supplies set up in this room. The idea is that if I don't have to spend 1/2 an hour finding and dragging machine and supplies out for sewing, I might actually sew? We'll see how that works out. I do miss sewing!

We have a slew of busyness coming upon us in the next few days. There's a lot of family gatherings. It'll be good times, but it will be busy and hectic. So I'm going to try to remember to stop and breathe, look around, and intentionally take in life around me. I'm going to try to enjoy the precious memories as they're happening and focus on my little one's face and expressions and words as he enjoys this X-mas season.

God Bless!

Connect with Respect

2009-12-11T07:13:00.003-06:00

That's the phrase you'll read over and over and over in The Happiest Toddler on the Block. And it's not written in an idealistic and unattainable manner. Dr. Karp has done something wonderful. He has taken great ideals that I strive for in my parenting and laid them out in practical tools for parents.

As much as I write about discipline, I'm sure those that read know by now that I'm a huge fan of having many tools in the parenting toolbox. So many parents set out to not yell, shame, spank, be overbearing, and many other things that our society has come to see are ineffective and possibly damaging to children. But without replacing methods that were used on us as children, it's like trying to climb out of quicksand. You know you don't want to sink, but without tools there's nothing to grab hold of. The way I see it, the more tools that I have, the more I have to hold onto, and the more likely that I will not sink in my parenting. We all have setbacks and momentarily slipping up, or sinking a bit into the sand, is not the same thing as sinking completely and indefinitely. I am convinced that our overall tone and attempts at respectful, empathic, loving parenting matter much more. So the time that I lost it in the car when we were trying to get somewhere in a hurry is not going to "ruin" my child. Yay - huge sigh of relief. Just as we continually extend grace to our children as they develop and stumble a ton along the way, we must extend that same grace to ourselves. We're not going to do ourselves any good as parents if we beat ourselves up over our mistakes!

Anyways, I guess I kind of digressed a bit as I really wanted to write about Dr. Karp's methods, but it's an important point as I think many parents, including myself, struggle with the fact that they cannot be perfect or good enough as a parent.

So on to Dr. Karp. His book is AMAZING. If you read one parenting book in the next year, choose this one. I honestly believe what I'm saying. He's got a bit of everything in there. He talks about encouraging those behaviors that are working well, discouraging the annoying behaviors, and stopping the absolutely unacceptable behaviors. He talks a lot about time-ins and feeding the meter. He likens our childrens' need for love to a parking meter. It must fed all day long or you will have a problem. With the car it's a ticket. With a child, it's bad behavior. Children who feel loved and respected will behave better. This is common sense and something I truly believe, but he gives us practical ways to show our children that love and respect.

Over and over he talks about connecting with respect. When children are upset we've been taught to immediately distract, ignore, reason, and many other things that do not address the upset. He says we're all missing a step. We need to first acknowledge the child's feelings, however ridiculous or selfish or what not. Then move on to distract, reason, redirect, or whatever technique is appropriate for the situation. He gives a practical way of getting on a child's level and showing them that you get what they're wanting, feeling, and/or trying to say. I have seen would-be tantrums nipped right in the bud with this technique. Dr. Karp says that the reason children get louder when asking for what they want is often because they do not feel understood. You know the scenario. "cookie...cookie...(now the knees start to go up and down, the voice goes up a bit)...cOOkie...Cookie...COOOKIEEEEEE... No amount of "No honey", "not right now", "not until after dinner" seems to do the trick. Why? According to Dr. Karp's research and methods, the child thinks you don't "get' him. I will tell you that I have tried his methods in just such a situation and the loudness/intensity of my child immediately drops as he realizes he's been heard.

I could go on and on. But the reality is that I will not be able to fully describe his theories and techniques. Please, if you have a toddler, and you feel the need for some tools in your parenting toolbox, pick up this book! I wish I had gotten this book when Boo first moved into toddlerhood. It would've been immensely useful even way back then. Try it - I would bet just about anyone could take away at least one useful element and probably a lot more!

In Honor of Angel Baby

2009-11-20T23:39:00.002-06:00

I realized that our baby would be approximately two months old if she were here (I write in the feminine to simplify, as we have no way of knowing). I'm posting this not as a pity party, but as a remembrance of a baby that was so beautiful that she sprouted wings and went to heaven right away.

I've realized that I have a strong desire to name this baby. But there's a lot of pressure in picking the perfect name. But I want my baby to have a name in heaven. Silly I know. And who knows how these things really work in the after life, but it's something that's important to me.

Ani Lucille Tribbett - Estimated Due Date 9/5/09, Flew to heaven around 1/31/09

Ani means "beautiful" and Lucille means "bringer of light". This seems appropriate as she was a beautiful light in our lives for a short while.

In her honor I'm re-posting the original poem that I wrote for her.

Peek-a-boo Angel Baby

Peek-a-boo baby

Oh where did you go?

Peek-a-boo baby

I long to hold you so

Tiny one, did you fly to

Heaven?

Mommy can’t hold you there

But God can.

Peek-a-boo baby

I’ll find you someday

On a cloud, on a star,

Beyond the Milky Way

Dear precious one

Until that time

Bask in God’s love

Which is truly divine

Feeling Lucky

2009-11-18T07:58:00.002-06:00

My hubby and I went to a marriage conference recently and I feel very privileged to have taken part. It's called the Love and Respect conference. I think the man who put it together has struck gold.

Anyways, I definitely feel a new appreciation for who my husband is as a person. It's easy to see all of the things that are ugly about a person (and we all have those ugly areas), but wouldn't life be so much more wonderful if we worked extra hard to find the good?

I feel blessed for who my hubby is. He gets up everyday and cleans my daycare area for me so that I can rest before my daycare kiddos get here. He heads to a job that is not really his thing and works hard every day to support his family. He's got a great sense of humor, always wanting to laugh and he has a heart of gold.

Sure we've struggled in our relationship as we're going on seven years of marriage in February of next year. But I think it's in the struggles that we became who we are today. And it's not perfect by any means, but definitely enjoyable and something I would not want to do without!

Cheers - to marriage - sip sip (coffee this time of morning)

The Happiest Toddler

2009-11-17T06:00:00.002-06:00

I've been reading The Happiest Toddler on The Block by Dr. Karp. I'm not done with it yet, but I'm riveted. I have to say that I think this man has found a nugget of pure gold through his experience and research.

To be honest, I don't want to go into detail with his theories and techniques because I couldn't possibly do it justice without violating copyright laws. If you have a child under 4, get this book. I'm so convinced of its value that I've already ordered the companion DVD so that I can have that and the book available for check out to my daycare parents when I'm done with it. Amazing, insightful stuff!

The Happiest Toddler

Reminder to Self

2009-09-17T07:21:00.002-05:00

Every once in awhile I try to reread some articles and resources that I've posted and/or looked at previously. I read this article this morning.

5 Steps

I try so hard to be loving and gentle in my approach to parenting. But we're all human, myself included. Sometimes I need reminders of how I want to approach mothering and techniques that will help me on my way.

Sometimes I need to be more consistent. For example, despite my love of the above technique, Boo is not always "helped" when he should be. This is especially true when I'm busy with other children during the day, feeding a baby, trying to get lunch on the table, and all of the other things I do in a given day. Or, and this makes me cringe just to write it, when it's the end of the day and I'm too plain pooped out to get up and deal with his discipline. Yes - I have my moments where I'm guilty of barking orders from the couch!

So I resolve to do better today. That's all anyone can do as a parent - admit inadequacies and work on them.

Puppy Training Update

2009-09-02T13:49:00.002-05:00

Well, we've had another training session. I must say that already Wally is a new puppy! The nipping problem? Pretty much gone. He still gets too wound up at times and nips, but that's the exception, not the rule. Yay Wally!

Currently we're working on sit, down, name recognition, "come", learning to walk correctly (i.e. no tugging on the leash, wandering off, etc...), "leave it"(teaching him to leave something that he wants alone). The BIG project right now? Grooming. He can't stand the nail trimming process. In fact he throws a little doggy tantrum when we try. The trainer cut his nails for me Monday and he went ballistic. So I get to hold him and pretend to trim his nails every night while he eats a treat.

I am really enjoying my time with Wally. Boo loves him. Boo loves to play fetch with Wally. Wally doesn't really bring the ball back, but he'll stand by while Boo picks the ball up and throws it again for him! It's so nice to see them interact together. Wally rarely nips/jumps at Boo anymore. He still occasionally has to be crated for it, but rarely. And it's usually because he gets too excited and jumpy.

I'm really glad that we decided to work with a trainer. She's really teaching us a lot and it'll be great to have a well-trained dog that can eventually interact more not just with our family but with the daycare kiddos also.

If anyone needs dog training, it's Tip Top Dog Training.

Checking in Midweek

2009-09-02T06:29:00.002-05:00

Well, so far so good this week. Even though I ate a lot over the weekend, it came out of my extra weekly points that weight watchers allows. So I'm doing okay. I've been able to stay in my points every day and it's showing on the scale. Also, activity wise I think I'm doing okay. With having 5 children in the house 4-5 days a week I pretty much don't sit down all day. I'm constantly on the move. We still do our morning walk. Granted, this is not at all at a brisk pace. I have two walkers now and that really slows me down. But oh well. I try to go for another walk in the evenings with Boo and Wally. That walk's a bit faster since Boo rides in the stroller!

I'd love to get in some yoga during naptime, but right now I'm lucky if I sit down for 20 minutes during naptime (even though the kids sleep for about 2 1/2 to 3 hours). But there's so many things that need to get done in that time, plus there's a little baby that usually wants fed somewhere in there!

Anyways, it feels good to see some progress on the scale after buckling down and putting forth the effort!