Options

Well, I'll give you a bit of a clue as to what's really got me stressed. I don't want to go on and on and be whiny about it. It's too much of a habit for me to fall into whining when life isn't going my way. I'm trying really hard to break that habit.

So, without tons of detail, I'll just tell you that our "Plan A" for life isn't working out right now. T and I had a date night/business meeting in order to discuss our options. We're trying to be patient, but at the same time, one can only throw so much time, energy, and money into a plan that's not working before realizing it's time to go back to the drawing board. Granted, I'm not sure we've arrived completely at the "throw in the towel" point, but I'd say we're pretty darn close. So we've got some options that we're discussing for a "Plan B" and maybe even a "C" and a "D" the way that things seem to be going.

On a personal note, I think that my outlook on life and ability to function is tied too closely with what I would call "success". And unfortunately, my idea of "success" is tainted by our capitalist society, with its materialistic ways. Really, I have more success than some others. My success shouldn't be defined by a specific salary or lack thereof. It shouldn't be defined by what we have or don't have. There are successful things in my life if I look deeply enough. My marriage is successful, albeit insanely frustrating, difficult, and maddening, but still intact and growing. My child is a success in the mere fact that he is here and loving and wonderful and more than I could've ever asked for in life. My faith in God is intact, despite being raked over the coals on more than one occasion. It's incredibly freeing to me to think that some infinite being loves me enough to have created me and continues to put up with me. By all rights, I probably should've been struck by lightning by now!

Anyhoo, we're thinking outside of the box with our options. We've been brainstorming and are pretty much at a place of "anything goes." I do know this. Life is an adventure and is full of risk. I'm not willing to just sit around and be unhappy with the state of things indefinitely. Far too many people are willing to settle or give up because it's too hard or scary to change. We're ready to see where opportunity will take us. I will say that it's probably taking us somewhere more scenic and hopefully warmer (at least in the winter time). So we'll just see what happens!

MIA

I've been MIA for awhile. I'm not really sure why. I think this summer's been pretty tough and this duck is struggling to stay afloat. I won't go into the details. Suffice it to say that it's so difficult to be a wonderful, loving, and nurturing mother when one feels beaten down by life.

Anyhoo, I don't want to turn this into a negative post. With it being my first in awhile, I really just wanted to pop on and say "Hi."

Also, I realize that no matter how much life seems to take a toll, I have so much in being a mother. Having a sweet little boy does seem to give me an even greater reason to overcome life's obstacles. I owe him so much for that.

The thing about AP parenting that makes it wonderful isn't that any of us have achieved perfection, but that we keep striving to be better as parents. And being "better" as a parent will look different on different days depending on my capabilities. I realize that during periods of my life when I feel beaten down, I may not be capable of nearly as much as a mother as I am when I'm feeling more alive and optimistic and wonderful about things. It would be so easy on bad days to give into bad and lazy parenting practices. And I'm human. So I do - I have many moments of failure. Times where I yell and/or say things that I don't mean. Times where I move him off of the coffee table or diaper changing table for the millionth time that day and my hands are a bit rougher than I'd like as I move him. Or my voice tone is mean and scary instead of firm. Anyone who agrees with gentle discipline as a practice believes as I do - that scaring a child into compliance is not what will help a child to grow up healthy, happy, and spirited (in the good sense). The compliance might be more immediate when a child feels frightened, but the overall effect is damaging to the spirit. So, when I have lapses in parenting where I use threats, scare tactics, and other harsh methods I tend to get really down on myself. But I think the key is remembering that what's going to affect my child the most is the overall pattern of my parenting and not the day to day mistakes, if that makes any sense. And so I'm thankful that I've found this "AP ideal" to cling to, something to challenge me when things get rough, something to encourage me to continually strive for a loving, gentle, and nurturing approach that is respectful of my child as a human being. Having an ideal helps me to get back up after repeated failures. It's my own little map for this path called parenting.

Anyways, just some recent thoughts and I hope that I won't take too long for my next post!

Teething - a reflection

Well Boo has most of his teeth now. We bought him a teething necklace early on in life and he's worn it ever since. Now granted, it's hard to know if it worked because he's worn it pretty much ever since he started teething. But I will say, other than a few restless nights here and there I can't really remember a time when he was horribly miserable from teething. So I feel like this teething necklace actually works. I wasn't sure what I thought when I bought it, but I figured if it didn't work he'd at least have a stylish necklace!

Anyways, here's a link to the site where I bought mine. There's lots of places online to order them. This place was cheaper than some others and I'm happy with the quality of his necklace.

Inspired by Finn

Really Proud

Well, I've been hard at work this week launching my website for my business. I'm really proud of it. It's not complete and I'm sure I'll add to it as the suggestions roll in and as there's a need for more information. But here's what I have right now.

Precious Gem Childcare

You Can Say "Yes"

Just thought I'd post about something that works sometimes when Boo says "no." I tell him Boo can say "yes mommy". Sometimes he still says no. But there's quite a few times where he will say "yes mommy" and do whatever it is I'm asking him to do.

I learned this approach years ago as an infant teacher and it is much more effective overall than the familiar line "Don't you tell mommy no." I think it's because it tells the child the exact response and behavior you're looking for instead of just telling them what you don't want them to do. Hmmmm...that sounds familiar.

Anyways, it works for me enough of the time that I thought I'd share.

Passing this on for a friend

Please read this. I'm passing this information along for a friend who works with youth in Aurora. I'm asking readers to consider taking a minute to vote and help this children's soccer field get funding. Thanks!

Hi Everyone,

A couple of months ago I nominated our soccer field to get a $15,000 renovation through Kellogs Frosted Flakes Plant a Seed Campaign. Out of 3500 fields that were nominated, we made it to the semifinals as one of the top 100 fields. Out of those top 100 fields 30 will receive the grand prize. I need your help to make this happen. 50% of our total score comes from how many votes we receive for our field from the public -thats you --- please follow the instructions below and vote to support our field of dreams. Thank you so much for your vote and support it means alot to me but more importantly to the children we serve.

•go to www.frostedflakes.com

Wait until box appears that says “Vote Now & Help Us Decide Where”

Click on those words

• click on “vote now” in the center of the screen where Tony the Tiger is

• Enter Aurora Township Youth Soccer Fields under “field name” & click search

• Field should appear in upper left corner, click on “see more info”

•scroll down to bottom of screen

• select “vote for this field” – enter you birth date and hit submit – enter your email and the code shown and hit submit – vote every day as our final score is based on how many votes we can accumulate –it is 50% of our total score

• You may “send to a friend” or “add a comment if you like”

Thanks again


Vicki Marques
Associate Director
Aurora Township Youth Services

Anger Management for Parents

I thought I'd follow up all of the discipline idea posts with some ideas on anger management. Let's face it. Even when we have the best intentions, our discipline method/style becomes inappropriate and/or harsh when we let anger get the best of us and don't maintain our self- control. So I decided to search the internet for anger management ideas for parents.

When Mom Has a Temper Tantrum

Managing Your Own Anger

I'd post more, but my toddler is starting to pull all of the books off of my bookshelf. Gotta run!