The Hypnobabies Home Waterbirth of Oliver Felix

Oliver’s estimated due date was June 26, 2011. My husband and I waited for Oliver’s perfect birthing time as June 26th came and went. No big deal – many women do not birth their babies right on their due date. So we continued to wait and tried really hard to be patient. The month of June slipped past and the beginning of July moved quickly. We found ourselves at 42 weeks and still no sign of birthing. No warm up pressure waves. Nothing. Per my home birth midwives agreement with the OB I was now required to complete a biophysical profile in order to determine that it was in fact safe for me to continue pregnancy. Luckily, my cut-off for home birth wasn’t until week 43. So I had one more week for this baby to come on his own in the comfort of his home.

Monday July 11th we arrived for our biophysical profile. I was incredibly nervous and anxious. While I felt deep down that everything was okay with baby, the idea of completing the biophysical profile caused me to feel anxious. My first blood pressure reading was artificially high due to my anxiety. Luckily the nurse wanted to double check when I informed her that my blood pressure is usually very good. I used my hypnobabies breathing to enter a state of relaxation for a few minutes before she took my blood pressure again. It had dropped close to my usual reading thanks to my ability to relax my body quickly with hypnobabies. After vitals, the next step was the ultrasound. I was told after the ultrasound that my amniotic fluid was low. I wasn’t sure what this meant and we were left to wait for the OB to discuss the meaning of this result. The OB came in and told us that the baby did not score so well on the biophysical profile. The amniotic fluid was low and “this baby needs to be delivered soon” were his exact words. I felt very out of control at that point. Of course my first priority was a healthy baby and I would not sacrifice that even for my dream of a lovely home waterbirth, but I also know that technology is not foolproof and can be misleading. The OB wanted me to go on over to the hospital for the induction. I followed my gut and told him that I wanted one more night to try to enter my birthing time on my own. I knew that I had to try. I had to be sure that if I ended up with an induced hospital birth that it was truly because I had no other choice. He said he wanted to do a non stress test and if that was okay, he would agree to postpone the induction until the next day. He also checked my cervix via vaginal exam and swept my membranes in preparation for an induction. It was my first vaginal exam of this pregnancy. I had chosen to forego all vaginal exams this pregnancy after having bad experiences with them last pregnancy and during my older son’s birth. I immediately tensed up. My husband reminded me to relax and use my hypnobabies. I focused on breathing and relaxing my body. This helped tremendously. I felt slight discomfort as my membranes were swept and when it was over I remember thinking, “That was it? That’s what I was terrified of?” The hypnobabies relaxation helped immensely. I learned that I was dilated to a 2 and 65% effaced. Of course the OB felt that this was clear indication that my body would need the pitocin as my body was “not ready.” Having read up on birthing and other’s stories, I knew that my body was perfectly capable of beginning birthing time at a 2. So I confidently clung to my idea of entering my birthing time on my own at home. The non stress test was next and confirmed what I intuitively knew to be true – that baby was healthy and able to safely handle being born.
After this long and emotional visit at the OB’s office, we went to my midwife’s home. There we informed her of the results. She confirmed that low amniotic fluid was a valid reason to induce rather than allow the pregnancy to continue. However, she remained hopeful with me and supported my plan to use castor oil as a natural induction method in a last ditch effort to get baby to come that night. She gave me a recipe that consisted of castor oil, orange juice, and ice. After visiting with her for awhile I felt significantly calmer because I now had a plan of action. She also sent a breast pump in case I needed to try that as well.

We lived forty five minutes from the midwife’s house and the ride home felt like forever as I wanted to chug my castor oil cocktail as soon as possible. I got even antsier when the doctor’s office called and told me that my induction was scheduled for 5:00am the following morning. It was between 3:00 and 4:00pm, so this left very little time. The castor oil had to work and it had to work quickly. As soon as we got into town we stopped by my mother’s house and borrowed her blender. We left our son with grandma for the night. As much as I wanted him with me, I felt like I needed to really focus and also knew that if the castor oil kicked in and I was dealing with the nasty side effects of it that hubby would not be able to simultaneously run after our three year old and get the birth pool set up. We stopped by the pharmacy, picked up the castor oil, and headed home. Once home I could not get into the house fast enough to make my cocktail.

I have to say that my midwife gave me a great recipe. I didn’t taste the castor oil at all! I chugged it very quickly though, so perhaps that had something to do with it. And now it was time to wait. This was the very hard part. I waited and waited. It was close to 11:00pm and still nothing. My hope was quickly wavering. We were rushing around the house packing a last minute hospital bag. I was half-heartedly writing a birth plan for the hospital and weeping all the while, thinking about the battles that I would now have to fight that wouldn’t be an issue at a home birth. I felt such a deep sense of loss and I felt as though my body had betrayed me. My emotions were in complete disarray and I was feeling very frantic and upset. I pleaded to God to please make this happen. I tried the breast pump for a bit around 11:00pm or so, but it took forever to get a pressure wave. Finally, I decided to head to bed. I knew that if I truly was going to be induced in a hospital the next morning I would need some strength left. So I went to bed.

And this is where the story turns. I woke up at 1:00am with diarrhea. I’ve never been so happier to experience diarrhea in all my life. However, I knew that this alone didn’t mean anything. I went back to bed. I woke up again with more diarrhea. I went downstairs. Pressure waves began. I hunted for my ipod with my hypnobabies tracks. It was now god knows where thanks to our frantic hospital packing. I hollered up the stairs and woke up my husband and told him I needed my ipod. At 1:51am I started timing my pressure waves using an online tracking tool. I could barely believe it – they were between 2 ½ and 4 minutes apart mostly. My husband brought my ipod to me and as I was tracking I found that I had to move out of the computer chair and onto my ball so that I could feel more comfortable. I pulled the computer keyboard out far enough so that I could reach the keyboard and press the proper button at the beginning and end of each pressure wave. I realized that they were harder to manage without complete focus. I knew then that it was time to contact the midwife. Up until that point I had been in denial. I think all of the prior day’s circumstances made me feel like I was dreaming this up and that I wasn’t really going to begin my birthing time. I called my midwife and told her about my pressure waves and how far apart they were. She said she’d contact her assistant and they’d head my way. To be honest, I think she might have thought this was all wishful thinking on my part. I was so nervous that the pressure waves were going to fizzle out and this would all be for nothing. But there was nothing to do except continue to contact my birthing team and hope for the best. I called my sister in law, cousin, and mother who had all been asked to come and help.

With phone calls made and my husband running around getting things ready I moved out into the daycare room where we had previously decided the birth would take place. At some point I moved the ipod onto the dock with speakers and listened to it that way instead of with the ear buds. This was more comfortable for me. I tried several positions while the pressure waves washed over me. Side-lying was by far my favorite position at that time. I wonder if this has to do with the fact that the majority of my hypnobabies practice sessions were done while in a side-lying position. I found that this familiarity gave me optimal relaxation.

I remember people arriving. My mother arrived first and my cousin came shortly afterwards. My sister-in-law was bringing food, so I knew she would likely be last to arrive since she had to make a stop at the grocery store. At this point my ability to speak was pretty compromised. I had my cousin and mom help me head for the bathroom. Upon attempting to leave, I remember having a pressure wave. I leaned over the bathroom counter and worked to relax my face and body. At one point I called out, “Somebody?” I found that there was much comfort in having someone standing close during a pressure wave. After my pressure wave I went back to the couch.

At this point things get kind of fuzzy for me. I don’t know how long I felt pressure waves while lying down. I know at one point I looked at my husband and told him, “Call the midwife. Ask her if I can get in the pool yet.” I heard him describing my pressure waves to her on the phone and I was given the okay to get in the birthing pool. I was very relieved. I somehow sensed that my body was far along enough that getting in the pool was not going to slow things down at this point.

In the pool I sat several different ways, mostly preferring to face the outer edge of the pool and lean my head over. I worked to use my finger drop method and relax through the contractions. I could hear the hypnobabies track which continued to play in the background. Kerry’s voice was soothing and relaxing, reminding me that every pressure wave was bringing me closer to my baby and it was helpful to listen to the track talking about how my cervix was opening. This helped me to allow my pressure waves to do what they needed to rather than tense up and go against them. I really think this is part of the reason my body progressed as quickly as it did. Things really ramped up in intensity once I was in the pool. I remember puking and shaking all over. At one point I lost my hypnobabies focus for a minute and yelled out “I can’t do this!” It hit me that in that moment I was likely in transformation. It’s amazing how aware of that fact I was in the moment. I followed up my negative declaration with a positive “I can do this. I can do this!” I knew I was close and remember feeling very happy about that. Shortly after a few pressure waves that brought on shakiness, I felt a slight urge to push. This wasn’t an all out push urge. It came on the tail end of a pressure wave. I followed what my body wanted me to do. I vaguely remember hearing my hubby on the phone with the midwife describing my pressure waves and telling her that I was pushing. She was of course stuck by a train (a common occurrence in our town), but was very close. Hubby got off the phone and told me to try to hold off on pushing until she got here. This was much easier said than done and I didn’t really succeed. I asked for someone to switch my hypnobabies to the “Pushing baby out” track. However, my voice was muffled and it was hard to speak clearly. I ended up with “Birthing Day Affirmations” instead, but that worked really well. There were plenty of reminders of what I needed to do to help my baby come out during my birthing time. I used the “Ah” exhale method of pushing, which is really just following what your body tells you to do. I remember my midwife and her assistant walking in the door and truly just gave myself over to my body. My midwife checked baby’s heartbeat. This was barely noticeable to me as I was truly in my own little world at this point. She wanted to check dilation since I was ready to push, but instead she saw a head. I switched to a kneeling sort of position with my arms slung over the side of the pool. It didn’t take very many “Ah” pushes (hubby says it was 5 or 6) and all of a sudden I heard my midwife telling me to pick up my baby. My response was “What?” I was so in shock at everything happening so quickly and easily that I didn’t understand that baby had left my body. My midwife pulled baby out of the water as I was just kind of sitting there dumbfounded. She immediately handed baby to me. I held baby close and checked to see what sort of baby he was. “It’s a boy!” It was so neat to be the one to make that announcement! Oliver Felix was born on July 12, 2011 at 4:27am. He weighed 8 lbs and 14 oz and he was 21 inches long. After birthing the placenta I was helped up to my bed with my beautiful little boy. It was the most amazing and intimate experience being able to lie in my own bed and nurse my little man, and he was a beautiful nurser right from the start. There was no rush to weigh him, test him, or remove him from me in any way. After a few hours he began to get sleepy and these procedures were done then. But for those first few hours of alertness he was all mine. I really got a sense of this being the way it should be for moms and babies all the time, barring medical necessity. I feel so lucky that I was able to experience this beautiful hypnobabies home waterbirth. I also felt like I had the perfect birthing team. I was incredibly comforted having my mother, cousin, and sister-in-law present – there was something empowering about having other women there. My husband was of course wonderful also. He was there for me every step of the way and I remember just hanging onto him as I sank into relaxation during many of the more intense moments. It was all just such a beautiful experience. Barring medical necessity to do otherwise, this is what I want for every future birth in our family.

Non-Spanking Help!

I found a blog post that I thought was really down to earth and practical. So here's a link for you.

Challenge the Moment: Love Your Child. Three Real Alternatives to Spanking

It's often very easy to find information about why spanking is not the best choice, the risks of spanking, etc..., but sometimes it's hard to find good practical advice as to know what to do when I'm about to blow. Pregnancy hormones can wreak havoc on the ability to remain calm and level headed with my child, so this practical advice is very welcome right now. I hope it's useful to others as well!

About a Boo

And now a post that does not talk about pregnancy and/or home birth the entire time - it's been awhile!

I realize that it's such a mom thing to say, but I have to say it. I'm so proud of my little Boo. He's nearly four years old and already he has the neatest little personality. I have been so amazed by him lately.

His capacity for love is astounding. Out of the blue he runs up to me and wraps his arms around my belly and says with the most beautiful smile, "I love you baby". Often he follows this up with a kiss for my belly. We talk all the time about how he's going to be a big brother. I tell him what a good big brother he is and he usually replies, "I am." He is a deeply sensitive soul. This can be trying at times, but it's also what makes him so loving and nurturing. He has this built in need to try to take care of mommy. Last night when we were headed up to bed he insisted on holding my hand all the way up the stairs "so that you won't fall". When I told him I was making brownies he told me "Be careful. Don't cut yourself." This is because I actually did cut myself cutting up some chocolate mint leaves for a batch of brownies a few weeks ago.

He also loves his extended family very much. He talks about Auntie Malissa, Uncle Charlie, all of his cousins, Auntie Maggie, Auntie Carey, and of course Grandma and Grandpa nonstop. He adores all of them.

His current favorite things to do are playing Mario Kart on the Wii with daddy and/or mommy, building with his legos and/or his wooden blocks, hanging from the bars of his new bunk bed like the little monkey that he is, and playing with his letters. He's loving his new superhero bedroom. Right now he has it broken in and it looks very much how one would expect a little boy's room to look - legos strewn all over the floor with things half built here and there. He has a magnetic chalkboard on his closet doors that daddy made when we painted his room and Boo loves to draw with his chalk and move his magnetic letters around. Poor man is getting frustrated with letters because he wants to spell and make real words so badly, but he's not quite there yet. He's constantly putting letters together and asking me what words they make. When I tell him that it doesn't make a word he gets frustrated. So to serve his interest in this area, I've started exploring starfall.com with him and going through some of the phonics activities and he really enjoys doing some of those together.

He's very curious and inquisitive and this can lead to a lot of frustration - for everybody! He's that kid that you just never know what he might try. Especially in new situations where the rules are not yet solidly established, it's hard to know when/where he will run. That can be a bit challenging and sometimes downright scary! But as he nears four I'm seeing more of a response from him and a glimmer of hope that this crazy, bouncy, rambunctious boy will follow safety rules and stop giving his parents near heart attacks every few minutes when we're out and about!

It's definitely been a challenge to learn how to parent this wildly lovable and energetic little man of ours. Especially in wanting to stick to gentle discipline, it can be really trying at times. There are times where I get so frustrated and upset in the moment that I'm anything but gentle. But we keep plodding along in that department. And I have a feeling that even if we were inclined to something punitive it wouldn't work anyways. He strikes me as one of those kiddos that you could swat until you're blue in the face and he'd still go right on getting into things, running away in public, and, well, just being a little bit of crazy all the time! And I really love his confidence and yes, even his wild spirit. I wouldn't want to break that down in any way - just continue to work on guiding it so that it doesn't get him into trouble!

A Different Kind of Party

Well here I am at 37 1/2 weeks preggo and my home birth is just around the corner. It feels crazy at times because everything is going to be so different from my son's birth. Different in a good way for sure, but this is all very uncharted territory. One thing that's going to be a different experience is the number of people that are going to be around. For my son's birth it was just T and I - no friends/family around during active labor. This time around we have chosen several family members/friends to share in this little one's birth day. Even though it's going to be different I could not be more happy about the special people that are going to be there. I feel like we have the right mix of personalities to be around during such a special occasion. Each person is contributing to the occasion in their own unique way. My mother is going to be Boo's caretaker and source of comfort. She's been a huge part of his life and he stays the night with grandma on a pretty regular basis, so she is the perfect person for the job. Boo is excited about being here when baby comes, but he admits that he's a little bit scared. My mom's nurturing personality will be just the comfort he will likely need at times. My cousin is going to be birth photographer extraordinaire. She's very artistic and I have no doubt that she'll take some great pictures of our experience. Also, she's a lifelong friend and someone who will be of invaluable comfort to me during the experience. She knows how to be encouraging and how to believe in people. She'll be the right combination of nurturing and "suck it up - you can do this" (I mean that in a good way) mentality. My sister-in-law is well, like a sister to me. I didn't know she was going to be joining the party until more recently and I've felt nothing but relief and excitement on knowing that she will be here. She has just the right amount of calm and practicality to her personality that I know she will be of invaluable assistance for anything that needs to happen while I'm birthing. She's that solid rock type of personality that you can count on when things need to happen. She's also someone who will know how to be comforting and nurturing in a very non-invasive way. I really just couldn't be more thrilled our choices. It will be a positive and empowering experience for all I believe. And what better way to welcome our little one than in the presence of family that will be there to adore him/her!

As the pre-labor signs progress (nothing serious people - don't start calling - I'm not going into labor right now or anything) I get more and more excited about the process. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life to share in the joy of this little one's birthing day!

Little Bit of This and That

Well, I feel as though I need to get something out in the blogosphere. I don't think this will be an earth shattering blog, not like any of mine are, but you know what I mean.

This morning I have the privilege of having a day off of work. Hurray me! My midwife is coming for her home visit today. She offered to come later, but I decided to have it earlier. One, I wanted to make it more convenient for her to come, and two, I wanted a freaking day off of work! Oh the lovely vacation day, how sweet it is!

Last night I cleaned like crazy. I had a bit of rearranging to do in the daycare room as my furniture that I bought with some grant money for my daycare came in. So of course everything had to be moved around to accommodate the new stuff. I'm hoping the new arrangement works out. I got most of the baseboards scrubbed and surfaces wiped down, the couch swept, my foamy cushion cleaned up, and it felt great! I still need to clear off the table and wipe down one corner of the room. Also, I spied some handprints on the windows, so I guess I will attack the windows with some cleaner. Ah - nesting - hello - my house needs you. Do you ever notice that when you do deep cleaning, the more you do the dirtier everything looks? I'm just appalled by the filth that we're currently living with. I was able to get my bathroom scrubbed yesterday during naptime and that felt wonderful.

Now I just need to attack the rest of the house with as much fervor. Instead I'm blogging, sipping coffee, and thinking about the luxurious shower that I'm going to take in a few minutes. My back is yelling at me a bit, but I hope to at least finish the daycare room and work on scrubbing down my kitchen. There's just so many piles everywhere. Does anyone else live with PBD (pile build-up disorder)? No matter how many times you clear the same spots over and over the piles just come back? And they grow from one flat surface to another until you have no table space, no kitchen counters, no desk space, you get the idea. It's a very huge problem in our house and has been for years. I can't seem to get rid of it! Perhaps there is some secret that I have yet to stumble upon?

Anyways, I'm looking forward to later today. My cousin and great friend is treating me and my little one to lunch and then we're going to come back here, watch the kiddos run around and play in the yard and the kiddie pool, and just relax. Preggo might have to take a turn in the kiddie pool as it's supposed to get up to 92 degrees today. Yikes! I guess I won't be working in the garden today. I'm hoping to drag my butt out of bed early tomorrow and tackle the garden before it warms up outside. The weeds are out of control! Anyways, I digressed. This great friend has moved here recently from a far away land and I think this is the first time we're going to get to hang for a bit where we're not so rushed for one reason or another. I think we've both had a hectic few weeks, so it'll feel good just to have time to plop down and be and catch up! There's nothing so soothing to the soul as time with a good friend!

I plan to work on my birth basket this weekend, even if that means running out and buying stuff I can't afford right now. I just need it done - for my own mental sanity. Not to mention that as of Sunday I'll be 37 weeks - fair game for my home birth should I go into labor at any point. I also should probably pack a hospital bag in case of transfer. And we need to clean out our car and get the infant seat installed. Also, we still need to finish up Boo's room and I have piles upon piles upon piles of clean laundry to put away in our bedroom before we can even begin to put the cosleeper up. I actually chipped away at the laundry piles the other night, but they're so huge that it doesn't look like I did anything. Don't you love that?

Anyways, wow, this post has turned into some kind of online to do list! I'm sure everyone was just dying to know everything I need to get done!

T has had clinicals for his CNA class all week. He's enjoying them and doing well. It seems that many of the residents as well as the staff really like him. I'm excited for him. He's seen so much success since starting on his journey towards nursing. It's been good for him to experience that and I'm very proud of him to have the courage to break out of a dead end job and walk the tightrope that is the midlife career change. It's not an easy road by any means. We've had several obstacles so far, some in the near future, and some unknowns that will continue to pop up along the way. It's been hard and stressful, but every time I imagine attending his college graduation my eyes start to get weepy. Of course, that could just be the pregnancy hormones! Probably not though - there's something so heartwarming about seeing someone you love succeed and getting to be a small part of that.

So this post I guess turned into a mish mash of everything I guess. Very random - exactly the pointless posting I'm trying to avoid. Oh well - can I blame preggo brain yet again?

Up and At 'Em

Well, I've got the up part right at least. I'm awake. I'm munching on my cereal and giving serious thought to some coffee this morning.

Yesterday was a good day. I got out of the house with my family for a bit and that felt wonderful, even if all we did was go downtown for a bit. I picked up some shampoo from the local natural health store and some incense while hubby sat at the bakery and studied his CNA stuff. Let me tell you, it's fun trying to explore different shampoo options with a three year old boy. I pretty much had to hold him down in a straight jacket sort of way while I scooted along the floor looking reading the various labels on the bottom shelf. Oy - his love of running, knocking things off of shelves, and just being a general pill really gets to me some days. Last night I left the Oxi-clean bucket on the cart in the kitchen while I was working on laundry and my son apparently thought that our dog Wally needed some Oxi-clean in his food container. A good third full food container. So, needless to say, hubby had to run out super early this morning before his CNA class and buy a brand new bag of dog food. And of course like clockwork he comes home with the wrong food...again. Our dog keeps getting switched foods for this reason. *sigh* Do I sound grumpy? I am. I'm grumpy in all of my almost 9 months pregnant glory. Anyways, I started out saying that yesterday was a good day. And it was. I finally got little man's hair cut. He's been needing one for oh, I don't know, a month or so. He was kind of starting to resemble a sheep dog. Poor little man's were hanging down past his eyes and he was getting called a girl left and right. Ummm...oops. So we got his haircut. He got to have chocolate while I cut his hair. He left a big chunk on the floor which I promptly forgot about before I let the dog out to play. So between the chocolate and the Oxi-clean it seems that we're trying to kill off our dog. So I'm really hoping that our dog doesn't develop diarrhea today because all I really need is to have to bend over and clean dog crap out of a crate periodically throughout today. Anyways, back to yesterday. I got loads upon loads of laundry done. See, I was just hoping the rapture would happen and that I wouldn't actually have to do the laundry. Bummer. I probably did 5 or 6 loads yesterday. Now I just need to get them upstairs with the mounds of clean clothes that need to be put away. That's the part of laundry that I never seem to get to, but I'm really tired of digging for clothes. I'm sick of the fact that I've been unable to wear some of my cute maternity clothes because they're too buried in clean clothes upstairs and I can never find what I want to get dressed in the morning. Ugh - I've launched into whining again. Maybe grumpy pregnant people should be banned from blogging! Anyways, my back is currently saying "thank you" to me for all of the bending and reaching that accompanies countless loads of laundry. I have a pile of dishes, at least some of which is going to need to be done if I must feed children all day long. And I must - I expect their parents wouldn't be too happy with me if I decided not to feed them so as not to create more dirty dishes! I did buy paper plates to help me get through hubby's second crazy week of his CNA class, which is causing him to be completely unavailable. I just wish I had thought to buy paper cups. I had a thought last night as I was thinking how overwhelmed I am right now as to how single moms do everything for themselves and children day in and day out and work full-time. All I can say is I'm not worthy and I'd drown in depression I think if I had to try. This place is still difficult to keep up with when hubby is around to lend a hand. But it seems impossible when he's not. But perhaps it's just me - perhaps I haven't learned how to be efficient enough, hardworking enough, or fill in the blank. I don't know. I go back and forth between feeling sorry for my bloaty, achy pregnant self and thinking that I just need to push harder and it would all get done.

All in all, I wish fairy godmothers really existed - the good kind in Cinderella, not the evil wench in Shrek. I'd call her up and with a bit of bippity boppity boo my house would be spotless, the birth basket would be ready, everything would be scrubbed, newborn cloth diapers would be prepped, and I'd be ready to get my birthing on!

I Am Woman - I Can Birth

My birth pool came was delivered yesterday. I haven't had a chance to take it out and set it up yet. We'll be doing our practice run this weekend hopefully. But I did look at the instructions and I got a bit, well, excited. Yes, excited to give birth! I feel as though I've gone through a slight transformation this pregnancy. I entered pregnancy knowing that I wanted to do things differently and knowing that I wanted a home birth. But I still had apprehension and nagging doubts about my abilities - my ability to handle this, my body's ability to work right, etc...I took a lovely birth class as a way of boosting my confidence and I have to say that I really think it helped. Also, I've been going through the Hypnobabies home study course thanks to a friend who lent it to me and I LOVE it. Part of the course is listening to a positive affirmations track every day. I've been able to keep up with this most days. I feel this has been very powerful for me - hearing over and over about how my birth is going to be wonderful, my baby is going to come easily, everything will go right, etc...It's gotten me into a good head space. Obviously, birth comes with no guarantees, but having a calm and peaceful frame of mind will only be of benefit should I need to be more flexible with my plans during the birthing day.

This birth is going to be different in other ways too. With my son it was only my husband and I around, well, along with the medical staff anyways. This time my oldest friend, who I just adore to pieces, will be photographing my birth for me. My mom will be on "Boo duty" so that he is able to stay and be a part of the experience as much or as little as he wants. I like that my hubby won't have to worry about snapping pictures this time around and he can just be. Be whatever I need him to be in each moment. There will of course be the midwife and her assistant. I'm kind of excited that I might know the assistant coming. Provided she's available when I go into labor, the assistant will actually be the woman who taught my birth class. I'm actually pretty excited about that. So I kind of feel like I should buy some party hats or something. It feels like a huge group to me, but in reality there's probably still fewer people overall than there were when I labored in the hospital. I think it feels bigger because it's more people that I know. But I'm really okay with it and of course I'm reserving the right to tell anyone extra "Nevermind. Go home," if that's what needs to happen. I don't think that will be the case - but hey, a laboring woman can do anything she wants when it comes to those sorts of things!

I'm excited because I realize that I've come from a state of mind where I apprehensively wanted this home birth, but still felt nervous to a point where I'm excited about it and ready to hop in the birthing pool now. I feel calm and powerful and well, like a woman!