Up and At 'Em

Well, I've got the up part right at least. I'm awake. I'm munching on my cereal and giving serious thought to some coffee this morning.

Yesterday was a good day. I got out of the house with my family for a bit and that felt wonderful, even if all we did was go downtown for a bit. I picked up some shampoo from the local natural health store and some incense while hubby sat at the bakery and studied his CNA stuff. Let me tell you, it's fun trying to explore different shampoo options with a three year old boy. I pretty much had to hold him down in a straight jacket sort of way while I scooted along the floor looking reading the various labels on the bottom shelf. Oy - his love of running, knocking things off of shelves, and just being a general pill really gets to me some days. Last night I left the Oxi-clean bucket on the cart in the kitchen while I was working on laundry and my son apparently thought that our dog Wally needed some Oxi-clean in his food container. A good third full food container. So, needless to say, hubby had to run out super early this morning before his CNA class and buy a brand new bag of dog food. And of course like clockwork he comes home with the wrong food...again. Our dog keeps getting switched foods for this reason. *sigh* Do I sound grumpy? I am. I'm grumpy in all of my almost 9 months pregnant glory. Anyways, I started out saying that yesterday was a good day. And it was. I finally got little man's hair cut. He's been needing one for oh, I don't know, a month or so. He was kind of starting to resemble a sheep dog. Poor little man's were hanging down past his eyes and he was getting called a girl left and right. Ummm...oops. So we got his haircut. He got to have chocolate while I cut his hair. He left a big chunk on the floor which I promptly forgot about before I let the dog out to play. So between the chocolate and the Oxi-clean it seems that we're trying to kill off our dog. So I'm really hoping that our dog doesn't develop diarrhea today because all I really need is to have to bend over and clean dog crap out of a crate periodically throughout today. Anyways, back to yesterday. I got loads upon loads of laundry done. See, I was just hoping the rapture would happen and that I wouldn't actually have to do the laundry. Bummer. I probably did 5 or 6 loads yesterday. Now I just need to get them upstairs with the mounds of clean clothes that need to be put away. That's the part of laundry that I never seem to get to, but I'm really tired of digging for clothes. I'm sick of the fact that I've been unable to wear some of my cute maternity clothes because they're too buried in clean clothes upstairs and I can never find what I want to get dressed in the morning. Ugh - I've launched into whining again. Maybe grumpy pregnant people should be banned from blogging! Anyways, my back is currently saying "thank you" to me for all of the bending and reaching that accompanies countless loads of laundry. I have a pile of dishes, at least some of which is going to need to be done if I must feed children all day long. And I must - I expect their parents wouldn't be too happy with me if I decided not to feed them so as not to create more dirty dishes! I did buy paper plates to help me get through hubby's second crazy week of his CNA class, which is causing him to be completely unavailable. I just wish I had thought to buy paper cups. I had a thought last night as I was thinking how overwhelmed I am right now as to how single moms do everything for themselves and children day in and day out and work full-time. All I can say is I'm not worthy and I'd drown in depression I think if I had to try. This place is still difficult to keep up with when hubby is around to lend a hand. But it seems impossible when he's not. But perhaps it's just me - perhaps I haven't learned how to be efficient enough, hardworking enough, or fill in the blank. I don't know. I go back and forth between feeling sorry for my bloaty, achy pregnant self and thinking that I just need to push harder and it would all get done.

All in all, I wish fairy godmothers really existed - the good kind in Cinderella, not the evil wench in Shrek. I'd call her up and with a bit of bippity boppity boo my house would be spotless, the birth basket would be ready, everything would be scrubbed, newborn cloth diapers would be prepped, and I'd be ready to get my birthing on!

I Am Woman - I Can Birth

My birth pool came was delivered yesterday. I haven't had a chance to take it out and set it up yet. We'll be doing our practice run this weekend hopefully. But I did look at the instructions and I got a bit, well, excited. Yes, excited to give birth! I feel as though I've gone through a slight transformation this pregnancy. I entered pregnancy knowing that I wanted to do things differently and knowing that I wanted a home birth. But I still had apprehension and nagging doubts about my abilities - my ability to handle this, my body's ability to work right, etc...I took a lovely birth class as a way of boosting my confidence and I have to say that I really think it helped. Also, I've been going through the Hypnobabies home study course thanks to a friend who lent it to me and I LOVE it. Part of the course is listening to a positive affirmations track every day. I've been able to keep up with this most days. I feel this has been very powerful for me - hearing over and over about how my birth is going to be wonderful, my baby is going to come easily, everything will go right, etc...It's gotten me into a good head space. Obviously, birth comes with no guarantees, but having a calm and peaceful frame of mind will only be of benefit should I need to be more flexible with my plans during the birthing day.

This birth is going to be different in other ways too. With my son it was only my husband and I around, well, along with the medical staff anyways. This time my oldest friend, who I just adore to pieces, will be photographing my birth for me. My mom will be on "Boo duty" so that he is able to stay and be a part of the experience as much or as little as he wants. I like that my hubby won't have to worry about snapping pictures this time around and he can just be. Be whatever I need him to be in each moment. There will of course be the midwife and her assistant. I'm kind of excited that I might know the assistant coming. Provided she's available when I go into labor, the assistant will actually be the woman who taught my birth class. I'm actually pretty excited about that. So I kind of feel like I should buy some party hats or something. It feels like a huge group to me, but in reality there's probably still fewer people overall than there were when I labored in the hospital. I think it feels bigger because it's more people that I know. But I'm really okay with it and of course I'm reserving the right to tell anyone extra "Nevermind. Go home," if that's what needs to happen. I don't think that will be the case - but hey, a laboring woman can do anything she wants when it comes to those sorts of things!

I'm excited because I realize that I've come from a state of mind where I apprehensively wanted this home birth, but still felt nervous to a point where I'm excited about it and ready to hop in the birthing pool now. I feel calm and powerful and well, like a woman!

I Am Still Here

I really really miss blogging, but my energy and focus has been lacking lately. As I've been trying hard to decrease the number of rambly blog posts and increase posts with focus and a point, I've just stayed away from my blog altogether. However, it's been so long that I feel I must write something, even if it's rambly, anticlimactic, and devoid of anything informative and/or useful.

I guess I'll start with a quick run-down of what's been going on in my life. I'm now 34 weeks pregnant. For baby's health I want baby to "bake" as long as possible. But I do admit that I find myself longing for a 38 or 39 week baby at times, even though I don't really mean it. I'm just so ready to be done. I think pregnancy is amazing and I do enjoy the process for the most part. It's just the last few months that are not so enjoyable. I will say that I feel less miserable at this stage in my pregnancy than I felt during this stage with my son. I've been very active - running the daycare, creating a bedroom for Boo, trying to complete various projects around the house, attempting to keep up with the housework, and creating my garden. I'm upright and moving around most of the day and actually I'm sure that this has decreased my misery. It's crazy how that works sometimes. I had a training on Saturday for daycare during which I had to sit for 6 hours straight. I went prepared with my birth ball. I fidgeted the entire time, shifting from my birth ball to the chair to the floor and everything in between, but that one day of sitting felt worse than three days of daycare. I was an exhausted and miserable mess at the end of it. I was also a grump all weekend as a result. It took me the entire weekend of lying around to feel rested from that much sitting. Weird, huh?

Boo's bedroom is almost done. Almost. I wish I could say it was done. Oh I really really wish I could. It makes me crazy that it's not. It is coming together. The painting is done. The magnetic chalkboard closet doors are completed. The bed needs to be finished - it's getting there. The carpets need a good cleaning. They seriously haven't been cleaned since we moved in June of 2010. The entire floor of this room was covered with boxes for so long that I couldn't even get to the floor to vacuum it. So I'm looking forward to giving the floor a good vacuum. We have a table and chairs set that we're likely going to order for the room. Boo is very excited. He's watched the progress every step of the way. Originally I wanted to shut off the room and do a big reveal at the end and surprise him, but it makes him so happy to be a part of the process that we've been showing him every step of the way instead. He's very excited about the super hero bedroom - a little less excited when I explained to him that mommy was not planning on sleeping on one level of the bunk bed. But I'm sure he'll adjust to his bed as he's ready. We're not so worried about the actual sleeping in his room part. That will come with time. I'll just be so excited when the toys that I keep tripping over in our family room are no longer there because they have a bedroom to go to. I'm tired tired tired of the clutter in the family room and we just can't begin to do anything about it until his room is done!

One of my favorite people has moved back to the area and getting to see her a few times has been so uplifting, even though it's been rushed and when I've been tired. We're both so busy right now - she with relocating and me with various projects plus a grant program for the daycare that's consuming some extra time right now. So I look forward to spending less harried time with her as I know that will be so soothing to my soul - good friends always are!

So, I'm still here trying to keep my focus on one day at a time as it'd be really easy to get overwhelmed with everything right now if I try to think about it all at once. I don't know how much blogging I'll do in the weeks to come, but I hope to keep from disappearing completely anyways.