Friday, July 31, 2009

Whoa - did anyone else read it that way?

Okay, maybe I'm just being paranoid. But I was looking at my "Options" post after someone commented on it and realized that if read just the right way, that first paragraph could possibly be way misconstrued. Our marriage is fine. We weren't discussing options for that part of our life. Did anyone else read it that way? If what I meant!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Age of Two

Ah - we have arrived. The age of two in all of its independent glory. It's definitely challenging me to continue to grow as a parent.

I have watched my baby grow up before my eyes. It amazes me how much he's grown, even in the last year. He's transforming from a baby to a little boy.

Some of his current likes:

TRAINS - the boy is fascinated with them. Aren't we in the right place for We live relatively close to a set of train tracks, so we've taken him on occasion to sit in a parking lot and wait for a train. He loves to make trains out of his blocks, legos, whatever he can make a train with! Whenever he hears a train he must point it out. He loves to make the "choo choo" noise.

Wally - Finally, he is starting to like our puppy. Their relationship is still strained at times, but it's getting much better. He loves to give Wally treats.

The ABC Song - He LOVES this song and does a great job of singing it!

Talking - He's a talker. His vocabulary has exploded. He uses so many complete sentences now. I'm just amazed at how he's developed.

Reading - He loves to sit with mommy and daddy and read to us or be read to.

Gammaw and Papa Time - He loves his "Gammaw" and "Papa" time. When he gets to go bye bye with them, he gives hugs and kisses fast and then it's "bye" to mommy and he's on his way out the door FAST. I feel like chopped liver next to Papa especially. But I'm so glad they have that special relationship.

His Family - He loves to talk about his cousins. At random times he'll start naming them off along with his "Uncarley" and "Uhmissa".

Walks - He LOVES going for walks with mommy and Wally and "Nanial" when he's here.

Park - He loves to "wing" at the park!

Well, that's all I can think of for now off of the top of my head. I hope to update his blog at some point. But I'm waiting for film developing. I have film going all the way back to March of this year that needs to be developed!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Well, I'll give you a bit of a clue as to what's really got me stressed. I don't want to go on and on and be whiny about it. It's too much of a habit for me to fall into whining when life isn't going my way. I'm trying really hard to break that habit.

So, without tons of detail, I'll just tell you that our "Plan A" for life isn't working out right now. T and I had a date night/business meeting in order to discuss our options. We're trying to be patient, but at the same time, one can only throw so much time, energy, and money into a plan that's not working before realizing it's time to go back to the drawing board. Granted, I'm not sure we've arrived completely at the "throw in the towel" point, but I'd say we're pretty darn close. So we've got some options that we're discussing for a "Plan B" and maybe even a "C" and a "D" the way that things seem to be going.

On a personal note, I think that my outlook on life and ability to function is tied too closely with what I would call "success". And unfortunately, my idea of "success" is tainted by our capitalist society, with its materialistic ways. Really, I have more success than some others. My success shouldn't be defined by a specific salary or lack thereof. It shouldn't be defined by what we have or don't have. There are successful things in my life if I look deeply enough. My marriage is successful, albeit insanely frustrating, difficult, and maddening, but still intact and growing. My child is a success in the mere fact that he is here and loving and wonderful and more than I could've ever asked for in life. My faith in God is intact, despite being raked over the coals on more than one occasion. It's incredibly freeing to me to think that some infinite being loves me enough to have created me and continues to put up with me. By all rights, I probably should've been struck by lightning by now!

Anyhoo, we're thinking outside of the box with our options. We've been brainstorming and are pretty much at a place of "anything goes." I do know this. Life is an adventure and is full of risk. I'm not willing to just sit around and be unhappy with the state of things indefinitely. Far too many people are willing to settle or give up because it's too hard or scary to change. We're ready to see where opportunity will take us. I will say that it's probably taking us somewhere more scenic and hopefully warmer (at least in the winter time). So we'll just see what happens!

Monday, July 27, 2009


I've been MIA for awhile. I'm not really sure why. I think this summer's been pretty tough and this duck is struggling to stay afloat. I won't go into the details. Suffice it to say that it's so difficult to be a wonderful, loving, and nurturing mother when one feels beaten down by life.

Anyhoo, I don't want to turn this into a negative post. With it being my first in awhile, I really just wanted to pop on and say "Hi."

Also, I realize that no matter how much life seems to take a toll, I have so much in being a mother. Having a sweet little boy does seem to give me an even greater reason to overcome life's obstacles. I owe him so much for that.

The thing about AP parenting that makes it wonderful isn't that any of us have achieved perfection, but that we keep striving to be better as parents. And being "better" as a parent will look different on different days depending on my capabilities. I realize that during periods of my life when I feel beaten down, I may not be capable of nearly as much as a mother as I am when I'm feeling more alive and optimistic and wonderful about things. It would be so easy on bad days to give into bad and lazy parenting practices. And I'm human. So I do - I have many moments of failure. Times where I yell and/or say things that I don't mean. Times where I move him off of the coffee table or diaper changing table for the millionth time that day and my hands are a bit rougher than I'd like as I move him. Or my voice tone is mean and scary instead of firm. Anyone who agrees with gentle discipline as a practice believes as I do - that scaring a child into compliance is not what will help a child to grow up healthy, happy, and spirited (in the good sense). The compliance might be more immediate when a child feels frightened, but the overall effect is damaging to the spirit. So, when I have lapses in parenting where I use threats, scare tactics, and other harsh methods I tend to get really down on myself. But I think the key is remembering that what's going to affect my child the most is the overall pattern of my parenting and not the day to day mistakes, if that makes any sense. And so I'm thankful that I've found this "AP ideal" to cling to, something to challenge me when things get rough, something to encourage me to continually strive for a loving, gentle, and nurturing approach that is respectful of my child as a human being. Having an ideal helps me to get back up after repeated failures. It's my own little map for this path called parenting.

Anyways, just some recent thoughts and I hope that I won't take too long for my next post!