Well, the conference was pretty great. It was long and exhausting, but in a good way. It was a bit of a challenge being at sessions with a toddler, but lots of other moms had young children with them also. I think Boo enjoyed seeing and playing with the other children. I found myself juggling attending to Boo and listening to the speakers, but I think I came away with some great information. An unintended result is that I came away with increased confidence in my ability to mother my child in a manner that is appropriate and loving.
Some of my favorite sessions were Nursing Fashionably in Public, Babywearing why and how, and The Science Behind Attachment Parenting.
I won a sling too! That was pretty exciting. I entered a raffle and won a sling. Boo seems to like it. It allows him to be on the side of me - where I'd be carrying him with my arms if I was carting him around somewhere. The babycarrier that I brought with us to the conference was my Ergo carrier. I LOVE this carrier - it's so comfortable for my back and it's my carrier of choice when I know he's going to be in there awhile. He really enjoys being on my back too. I have my homemade wrap that I never use. I figured out why at my Babywearing session. I need to cut the width of my fabric in half. It's just way too wide, which makes it incredibly cumbersome to use.
Anyways, it was a good time. It was so great to see so many other mothers wearing their children around and nursing their toddlers. Sometimes I feel a bit like the "lone ranger" because of my parenting choices. But that's a result of the culture I live in. I would fit right in other places in the world. So it was nice to feel like I "fit" for an entire weekend!
Showing posts with label babywearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babywearing. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Attachment Parenting - The ABC's
Well, I've mentioned attachment parenting (AP) quite a few times and you may have noticed that I've got a few links to sites here on my blog. But in updating my profile I've realized that I've never really discussed attachment parenting in much depth. So, I've decided to write a little ditty today about what attachment parenting looks like in my family. I've decided to do an ABC format as I thought this would make for a fun writing exercise. So since my ankle is sprained and my parents took Boo for me, what better way to spend my time?
Disclaimers
This is going to have more of a personal focus, so I won't be quoting research and such. That's easily accessed by a google search.I'm also not going to waste my writing defending my choices. Maybe in another post. So, this post will probably be best received by those who practice AP or are really interested in the ideas of AP, not those who would like to debate. If you know you're not AP and not interested in AP, this post might just piss you off. That's not the intent of course. But I've noticed that sometimes we as moms get defensive and pissy when our ways are different from someone else's. So, this post isn't meant to be an attack on those who choose a different way. But as I've already said, this will be well-received by those who practice AP or are really interested in learning more about AP. I am also not trying to imply that everything I've listed is part of core AP theory/philosophy. This is what it looks like in our home.
A - Attachment - my days are spent letting Boo know that his relationship with mama is secure. One example is that I'm his attachment object. A lot of times this might be a blanket, a pacifier, a stuffed animal, etc...Right now, it's mama. Boo has no special relationship with any other object. He goes to mama for comfort. And I'm more than happy to provide this.
B - Breastfeeding - I continue to nurse as this promotes a close relationship. There is something about holding Boo physically close in this way that is very bonding.
C - Cosleeping - Sleeping at night is very cramped and squished as we all pile into a full-size bed...and I wouldn't have it any other way. I get to turn over and see a sweet little Boo all cuddled up next to mama and sometimes cuddled next to dadda.
D - Demanding - Boo is allowed to demand my attention. When he wants to be held in the middle of my fixing supper, cleaning, etc...I put him in a wrap on my back and we're good to go.
E - Effort - I have to choose every day to put forth the effort in maintaining AP principles. Sometimes it's easier to use a harsh "No" than redirect my child. I can do that while sitting on the couch. Redirection usually involves my getting up. Bummer. But,it is worth the effort.There's no doubt in my mind.
F - Feeding on demand - Boo knows the sign for milk and lets me know when he's hungry or thirsty. He's very adamant about it and makes sure that mama notices his sign!
G - Gentle - Discipline is gentle. Boo has recently discovered the sadness of leaving the swing behind at the park. Redirection/songs/tickling are all gentle methods that work. Last time we were at the park, the grass was a great distraction. He thought pulling it out was sooo fun!
H - Happy - Boo is a very happy child and I think part of that is definitely his nature, but I think having his needs met and feeling secure also have something to do with that.
I - Immunity - Boo is allowed to build up his own immunity, rather than being subject to the onslaught of childhood vaccinations.
J - Juice - I'm pretty anti-juice. Boo gets water besides breastmilk. He occasionally gets whole milk if I'm not around for some reason (date night, mom's night out, etc...). I look for natural ways to feed my child and that means trying to keep processed sugar out of his diet as much as possible.
K - Kindness -Boo is very kind. He gave me a hug yesterday when I was crying. In the same way I try to be empathic to his feelings by acknowledging his feelings and that they're valid. Ex - "You're so sad (mad,happy,frustrated,etc...)."
L - Listening - I try very hard to respond to Boo as quickly as possible. And when I can't get to him right away I often say, "Yes mommy hears you" or "Mommy's coming" so that he at least knows I'm listening to him.
M - Maternal Instincts - Do I believe everyone has them? No. I think sometimes people who grow up in extreme dysfunction do not. However, I think most moms do. And these instincts involve listening to the heart instead of to the "experts." My maternal instinct tells me to get Boo when he cries for me. Boo has never had to "cry it out."
N - Nice - Boo is very nice and likes to pet my head and say "nice". This is how he's been redirected from pulling hair. He still lapses into pulling hair sometimes, but is getting much better at being "nice".
O - Open-mind - Since I'm choosing to raise Boo in a way that is different from how I was raised, it's important to keep an open mind as I explore alternatives.
P - Parenting to sleep - Boo is allowed to cuddle and nurse to sleep (gasp). Some nights we're in bed when this happens. On weekends it's not too uncommon for T and I to be watching a movie together with Boo nursing to sleep on my lap.
Q - Quack - Boo's favorite animal says quack. Getting to know Boo's likes/dislikes and favorites is so much fun.
R - Reading and Research - I'm constantly reading and researching parenting topics. As AP is different from how I was raised and different from how most do things, I'm constantly trying to learn and this does take a fair bit of effort on my part.
R - Respect - I felt there had to be a second "R" for this. At the heart of AP is respect for the child. One way this is done in our home is the way that Boo is fed. He gets a little bit of everything we're eating (and he has since he was six months old) and gets to try what he wants and leave what he doesn't. I don't try to shovel in something he doesn't like. I respect his choice to eat what he likes. I continue to expose him to a variety of healthy choices. Baby-led weaning has helped with this.
S - Silly Comments - This may not be a positive aspect, but I feel that it's a reality. I feel that I must bite my tongue often. I'm subject to comments about "he's getting too big" for the wrap and "it's probably about time to move him to the crib" and other such silly comments.
T - Touch - Boo is very affectionate and likes to be cuddled and held. I hold him when he wants to be held and put him down when he's all done being held.
U - Understanding - Boo is communicating all the time. Even tears of rage communicate something. I tell Boo "You're mad about (fill in the blank)." when he's mad so that at least he knows his feelings are understood.
V - Villify - Often I feel villified due to some of my choices. I'm "endangering" my child by letting him sleep with me. He's not going to learn to comfort himself because I don't let him cry it out. He's never going to be independent because I coddle him...and the list could go on and on. If anything, AP has helped me to have a thicker skin when it comes to insensitive comments of others.
W - Wrap - I have a woven wrap that I made for $16.50 by buying some clearance fabric at the craft shop. I love babywearing and I love my wrap. Boo has been in it while I've been cooking, mowing the lawn, walking downtown, you name it. He likes to sleep there too!
X - Xtra - Yes, I know I spelled it wrong, but come on, it's "X" for crying out loud! I feel like I must go the extra mile in being present with my child, actively engaging all the time. I'm not saying I succeed at this all the time, but it is the goal.
Y - Yahoo - This helps me keep my sanity. Likeminded yahoo groups.
Z - Zebra - We saw a zebra while we were at the zoo. Enjoying fun activities together helps to promote those feelings of love and attachment.
Whew - "Q" was pretty tough! Anyways, I think I did sneak in a few defensive remarks. Oops! I tried to keep them at a minimum though. I enjoyed creating this list of ABC's. I hope you enjoyed reading it.
Disclaimers
This is going to have more of a personal focus, so I won't be quoting research and such. That's easily accessed by a google search.I'm also not going to waste my writing defending my choices. Maybe in another post. So, this post will probably be best received by those who practice AP or are really interested in the ideas of AP, not those who would like to debate. If you know you're not AP and not interested in AP, this post might just piss you off. That's not the intent of course. But I've noticed that sometimes we as moms get defensive and pissy when our ways are different from someone else's. So, this post isn't meant to be an attack on those who choose a different way. But as I've already said, this will be well-received by those who practice AP or are really interested in learning more about AP. I am also not trying to imply that everything I've listed is part of core AP theory/philosophy. This is what it looks like in our home.
A - Attachment - my days are spent letting Boo know that his relationship with mama is secure. One example is that I'm his attachment object. A lot of times this might be a blanket, a pacifier, a stuffed animal, etc...Right now, it's mama. Boo has no special relationship with any other object. He goes to mama for comfort. And I'm more than happy to provide this.
B - Breastfeeding - I continue to nurse as this promotes a close relationship. There is something about holding Boo physically close in this way that is very bonding.
C - Cosleeping - Sleeping at night is very cramped and squished as we all pile into a full-size bed...and I wouldn't have it any other way. I get to turn over and see a sweet little Boo all cuddled up next to mama and sometimes cuddled next to dadda.
D - Demanding - Boo is allowed to demand my attention. When he wants to be held in the middle of my fixing supper, cleaning, etc...I put him in a wrap on my back and we're good to go.
E - Effort - I have to choose every day to put forth the effort in maintaining AP principles. Sometimes it's easier to use a harsh "No" than redirect my child. I can do that while sitting on the couch. Redirection usually involves my getting up. Bummer. But,it is worth the effort.There's no doubt in my mind.
F - Feeding on demand - Boo knows the sign for milk and lets me know when he's hungry or thirsty. He's very adamant about it and makes sure that mama notices his sign!
G - Gentle - Discipline is gentle. Boo has recently discovered the sadness of leaving the swing behind at the park. Redirection/songs/tickling are all gentle methods that work. Last time we were at the park, the grass was a great distraction. He thought pulling it out was sooo fun!
H - Happy - Boo is a very happy child and I think part of that is definitely his nature, but I think having his needs met and feeling secure also have something to do with that.
I - Immunity - Boo is allowed to build up his own immunity, rather than being subject to the onslaught of childhood vaccinations.
J - Juice - I'm pretty anti-juice. Boo gets water besides breastmilk. He occasionally gets whole milk if I'm not around for some reason (date night, mom's night out, etc...). I look for natural ways to feed my child and that means trying to keep processed sugar out of his diet as much as possible.
K - Kindness -Boo is very kind. He gave me a hug yesterday when I was crying. In the same way I try to be empathic to his feelings by acknowledging his feelings and that they're valid. Ex - "You're so sad (mad,happy,frustrated,etc...)."
L - Listening - I try very hard to respond to Boo as quickly as possible. And when I can't get to him right away I often say, "Yes mommy hears you" or "Mommy's coming" so that he at least knows I'm listening to him.
M - Maternal Instincts - Do I believe everyone has them? No. I think sometimes people who grow up in extreme dysfunction do not. However, I think most moms do. And these instincts involve listening to the heart instead of to the "experts." My maternal instinct tells me to get Boo when he cries for me. Boo has never had to "cry it out."
N - Nice - Boo is very nice and likes to pet my head and say "nice". This is how he's been redirected from pulling hair. He still lapses into pulling hair sometimes, but is getting much better at being "nice".
O - Open-mind - Since I'm choosing to raise Boo in a way that is different from how I was raised, it's important to keep an open mind as I explore alternatives.
P - Parenting to sleep - Boo is allowed to cuddle and nurse to sleep (gasp). Some nights we're in bed when this happens. On weekends it's not too uncommon for T and I to be watching a movie together with Boo nursing to sleep on my lap.
Q - Quack - Boo's favorite animal says quack. Getting to know Boo's likes/dislikes and favorites is so much fun.
R - Reading and Research - I'm constantly reading and researching parenting topics. As AP is different from how I was raised and different from how most do things, I'm constantly trying to learn and this does take a fair bit of effort on my part.
R - Respect - I felt there had to be a second "R" for this. At the heart of AP is respect for the child. One way this is done in our home is the way that Boo is fed. He gets a little bit of everything we're eating (and he has since he was six months old) and gets to try what he wants and leave what he doesn't. I don't try to shovel in something he doesn't like. I respect his choice to eat what he likes. I continue to expose him to a variety of healthy choices. Baby-led weaning has helped with this.
S - Silly Comments - This may not be a positive aspect, but I feel that it's a reality. I feel that I must bite my tongue often. I'm subject to comments about "he's getting too big" for the wrap and "it's probably about time to move him to the crib" and other such silly comments.
T - Touch - Boo is very affectionate and likes to be cuddled and held. I hold him when he wants to be held and put him down when he's all done being held.
U - Understanding - Boo is communicating all the time. Even tears of rage communicate something. I tell Boo "You're mad about (fill in the blank)." when he's mad so that at least he knows his feelings are understood.
V - Villify - Often I feel villified due to some of my choices. I'm "endangering" my child by letting him sleep with me. He's not going to learn to comfort himself because I don't let him cry it out. He's never going to be independent because I coddle him...and the list could go on and on. If anything, AP has helped me to have a thicker skin when it comes to insensitive comments of others.
W - Wrap - I have a woven wrap that I made for $16.50 by buying some clearance fabric at the craft shop. I love babywearing and I love my wrap. Boo has been in it while I've been cooking, mowing the lawn, walking downtown, you name it. He likes to sleep there too!
X - Xtra - Yes, I know I spelled it wrong, but come on, it's "X" for crying out loud! I feel like I must go the extra mile in being present with my child, actively engaging all the time. I'm not saying I succeed at this all the time, but it is the goal.
Y - Yahoo - This helps me keep my sanity. Likeminded yahoo groups.
Z - Zebra - We saw a zebra while we were at the zoo. Enjoying fun activities together helps to promote those feelings of love and attachment.
Whew - "Q" was pretty tough! Anyways, I think I did sneak in a few defensive remarks. Oops! I tried to keep them at a minimum though. I enjoyed creating this list of ABC's. I hope you enjoyed reading it.
Our Accident
We had an accident!
I went out walking and was sooo proud of myself for this by the way. I had decided that Boo wasn't getting enough time outdoors and that I needed to get up earlier and get him out of the house in the mornings after breakfast while it's nice and cool out. So today I was up early as I promised myself I would do. We got breakfast done. I put him in my homemade woven wrap (which I'm also very proud of) and headed out the door.
We walked. I pointed out trees and leaves and grass and let him run at a park. I felt very in touch with nature. Then I had to pee. I stopped by a friend's house that was close by. She wasn't home. No biggy. The church I used to attend is up ahead so I'll go there. I walk faster.
And then the unthinkable happened. I fell. My ankle rolled. I didn't trip. I just crumpled and Boo went with me. His head hit the concrete pavement. He was bleeding. My ankle was hurt. I laid there for a minute and then got up and limped to my friend's parents' house up ahead. It was about a block and a half. Boo was screaming and I was limping and it was all so traumatic. We got there and got cleaned up. I'm so thankful my friends parents were home. Boo is fine. A little banged up but fine. I have a sprained ankle, but I'll improve.
Anyways, I feel as though the babywearing was unfairly blamed for the fall. There were a few well-meaning comments that made me feel this way. Of course I didn't debate it. They helped me and I really appreciate it. I was kind of an emotional wreck showing up at their door with blood on my face.
Accidents happen, whether child is in a stroller or being worn, accidents happen. In fact, had I taken a stroller I think the accident would've been worse. Because Boo and I were about 40 minutes into the walk. He would've by then been "all done" with the stroller and I would've been pushing the stroller and carrying him when I fell, which means that he probably would've went flying and hit the ground. With my wearing him I actually took the brunt of the fall. But the momentum caused my body to roll to the side and that's when his head hit the ground.
It was a traumatic day and I'm glad it's over. But I did ask God to give me more patience at the beginning of yesterday. So now he's given me an opportunity to work on it. I need to be really careful what I pray for...LOL!
I went out walking and was sooo proud of myself for this by the way. I had decided that Boo wasn't getting enough time outdoors and that I needed to get up earlier and get him out of the house in the mornings after breakfast while it's nice and cool out. So today I was up early as I promised myself I would do. We got breakfast done. I put him in my homemade woven wrap (which I'm also very proud of) and headed out the door.
We walked. I pointed out trees and leaves and grass and let him run at a park. I felt very in touch with nature. Then I had to pee. I stopped by a friend's house that was close by. She wasn't home. No biggy. The church I used to attend is up ahead so I'll go there. I walk faster.
And then the unthinkable happened. I fell. My ankle rolled. I didn't trip. I just crumpled and Boo went with me. His head hit the concrete pavement. He was bleeding. My ankle was hurt. I laid there for a minute and then got up and limped to my friend's parents' house up ahead. It was about a block and a half. Boo was screaming and I was limping and it was all so traumatic. We got there and got cleaned up. I'm so thankful my friends parents were home. Boo is fine. A little banged up but fine. I have a sprained ankle, but I'll improve.
Anyways, I feel as though the babywearing was unfairly blamed for the fall. There were a few well-meaning comments that made me feel this way. Of course I didn't debate it. They helped me and I really appreciate it. I was kind of an emotional wreck showing up at their door with blood on my face.
Accidents happen, whether child is in a stroller or being worn, accidents happen. In fact, had I taken a stroller I think the accident would've been worse. Because Boo and I were about 40 minutes into the walk. He would've by then been "all done" with the stroller and I would've been pushing the stroller and carrying him when I fell, which means that he probably would've went flying and hit the ground. With my wearing him I actually took the brunt of the fall. But the momentum caused my body to roll to the side and that's when his head hit the ground.
It was a traumatic day and I'm glad it's over. But I did ask God to give me more patience at the beginning of yesterday. So now he's given me an opportunity to work on it. I need to be really careful what I pray for...LOL!
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