Options

Well, I'll give you a bit of a clue as to what's really got me stressed. I don't want to go on and on and be whiny about it. It's too much of a habit for me to fall into whining when life isn't going my way. I'm trying really hard to break that habit.

So, without tons of detail, I'll just tell you that our "Plan A" for life isn't working out right now. T and I had a date night/business meeting in order to discuss our options. We're trying to be patient, but at the same time, one can only throw so much time, energy, and money into a plan that's not working before realizing it's time to go back to the drawing board. Granted, I'm not sure we've arrived completely at the "throw in the towel" point, but I'd say we're pretty darn close. So we've got some options that we're discussing for a "Plan B" and maybe even a "C" and a "D" the way that things seem to be going.

On a personal note, I think that my outlook on life and ability to function is tied too closely with what I would call "success". And unfortunately, my idea of "success" is tainted by our capitalist society, with its materialistic ways. Really, I have more success than some others. My success shouldn't be defined by a specific salary or lack thereof. It shouldn't be defined by what we have or don't have. There are successful things in my life if I look deeply enough. My marriage is successful, albeit insanely frustrating, difficult, and maddening, but still intact and growing. My child is a success in the mere fact that he is here and loving and wonderful and more than I could've ever asked for in life. My faith in God is intact, despite being raked over the coals on more than one occasion. It's incredibly freeing to me to think that some infinite being loves me enough to have created me and continues to put up with me. By all rights, I probably should've been struck by lightning by now!

Anyhoo, we're thinking outside of the box with our options. We've been brainstorming and are pretty much at a place of "anything goes." I do know this. Life is an adventure and is full of risk. I'm not willing to just sit around and be unhappy with the state of things indefinitely. Far too many people are willing to settle or give up because it's too hard or scary to change. We're ready to see where opportunity will take us. I will say that it's probably taking us somewhere more scenic and hopefully warmer (at least in the winter time). So we'll just see what happens!