Balance during Busyness

Well, I meant to get my blogger award posted this weekend, but hubby has hijacked my computer all weekend. He's running out for an errand, so I'm hoping I have time to complete an entire post while he's gone. In his defense, he's hijacked the computer for a very good reason. He's been working on a paper for school. Poor guy - he's so ready for a break. I am too. It's interesting that he's the one in school, but I'm feeling the stress also. It's one of those things that easily creeps into family life.

Many parenting books talk about balance. Balance is such a great concept, one that I wholeheartedly agree with. But it can be hard. Sometimes we have seasons of life where things are busy busy busy and there's just not much that's optional that can be cut out. I think this is where we find ourselves right now. We made the choice for hubby to go to school, so of course classes and time for schoolwork are not optional. My business is supporting the family and so my work is not optional. Our birthing class takes up time, but while this would be optional for some, when I look at my parenting and birthing priorities, there was no question of us needing to partake in this. This class has been everything I hoped it would. I feel much more confident approaching my home birth as a result of having this set time on a weekly basis to learn about and discuss birth. I also feel encouragement in learning more and more how my body was designed to give birth naturally! Since we have an hour ride to and from class, it's been a great time of togetherness for hubby and I to focus on our birth. With all of the other commitments in our life right now, I'm not sure that we would be intentionally discussing labor and birth if we did not have a set time carved out of our schedule for this. I think we've grown closer as a couple as a result. Church is another commitment we have and should not be optional, but I admit that with everything else going on we've definitely chosen to sleep in a few Sundays out of sheer exhaustion. I was happy that I was up for Mass today and took Boo, who's always so happy to go. Hubby stayed behind and worked on his paper. We do have Boo's parent/tot tumbling class on Saturday mornings and that is definitely not a necessity, but it's a really nice time of family togetherness and physical activity. Boo loves to go and the teacher is really wonderful and seems to have a great understanding of this age group. She's never pushy with doing activities the "right" way (unless it's a safety issue of course), she knows how to be respectful of children's space, and she's very encouraging of his accomplishments.

One of the key pieces of advice that I hear from books when it comes to balance is cutting out the things that are not necessary. Well, I've listed all of our commitments. I think the thing is that the few we've chosen, with the exception of the tumbling class, are very time-consuming and life changing. So while it may not sound like much, I assure you that it feels like very much. Also, being an introvert, I think that I can personally handle fewer commitments than an extrovert could, so I know that this plays into my perceived level of stress a bit. I do feel that until hubby is done with school, this level of busyness is what we're going to be dealing with. So, other than cutting things out, how does one find balance during a season of life that is just busy? Is it a matter of better managing stress? Perhaps I need to focus more on my relaxation exercises. Connecting with friends and family? Perhaps I'm on the right track in intentionally connecting with Boo more often. Taking care of myself? I admit the massage and hair color and cut yesterday felt great. So, as always I'm open to the wisdom of others!

Much Needed Connecting

Well yesterday afternoon was wonderful. I was unexpectedly off work a bit early and Boo returned from a night with grandma and grandpa to a house with just mommy and no daycare kiddos. Yes, it was technically nap time. But given that Boo is 3 1/2 and doesn't necessarily need his nap every single day I figured it would be a good day to let it go. So we took advantage of the time to be together.

I asked Boo if he wanted to paint mommy's toenails. His answer was an emphatic "Yes!" So I got out my green shimmery nail polish. I started out dipping it for him so that it wouldn't be too messy. Whatever - he quickly took over with "No mommy. I do it!" So I gave up my need to control the polish and let him take charge. I have to admit that he was oh so careful with the way he dipped the brush and scraped the sides. I was pretty impressed actually. He joyfully painted each toenail and part of each toe for that matter. He was very proud of his work when he was done. Then he asked so sweetly "Will you help me build with trains mommy?"

Let me tell you that it's hard for me to sit with him and build trains. Perhaps this sounds terrible, but the reality is that there's no building involved for me. Every time I put a train track down it's in the "wrong" spot and he must move it. Silly mommy - doesn't know where things should go I guess. So usually after a few tries I give up and sit there. Because what he really means when he says, "Build trains with me mommy" is not as it seems. What he's really saying is "Mommy, can you sit and watch me and bask in my brilliance as I masterfully put all of the pieces in the right spot? Can you just sit with me and give me 100% attention and focus so that I know how special you think I am?" It's amazing what just a bit of time with me "just sitting there" does for his soul.

I ponder this idea as I've been frustrated, overtired, and screamo mom lately. It's the idea that just 15-20 minutes or so of 100% focused time is soothing to both of our souls. So often I pay attention to him while I cook dinner, while I check my facebook, while I read a chapter in whatever book I'm reading...while, while, while! I assure you that he knows the difference. And you know what happens when he's getting 20-30% of my attention he starts becoming hyperactive, destructive, a little on the edge of completely nutso! That in turn activates Screamo Mom and so begins a vicious cycle. So perhaps if I would stop my agenda long enough to "fill his tank" as I've heard in some parenting books, I could then continue with whatever it is I'm trying to do. Now, I hope this isn't coming across badly as though I see spending time with my child as something I'm aversive to or something that's an inconvenience. I adore spending time with my little one, but I think it's easy to get caught up in what I'm doing and think "One more minute. Okay. Almost done. Just a second longer," and on and on until it's been an hour. This has to feel defeating to Boo when he hears "just a minute" and that minute is actually an hour. Perhaps I need to be more okay with stopping in the middle of sending an e-mail, reading a chapter in a book, paying bills, or whatever task that seems like it just "has" to be done in one sitting. There will always be exceptions to this - I don't want to start any kitchen fires in the name of focused attention after all. But I have a feeling there are many more things that would be just fine if left to hang for 15-20 minutes or so while I connected with my little one. What if I made a point of doing this several times throughout my day each and every day? My guess is that some of Boo's more challenging behaviors would decrease. My mood might even level out a little from all of the connecting. Perhaps I should try this as an experiment today. Anyone else want to give it a go with me and see what happens? 100% attention in increments of at least 15-20 minutes each time as often as I think of it or as Boo seems to be requesting this in one way or another. Deep breath - I can try this today!

Respectfully Pregnant

I've recently started reading the book Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids. I'm not very far into the book yet, but I can tell it's going to be a good one with lots of practical help. I hope to do a few in depth posts on the book as I get further into it. In the beginning, there's much talk about meeting your own needs. This is nothing new. In fact, many of the wonderful parenting books that I've read over the last several years have included a section on caring for oneself. I feel like I've done an okay job of this in the past, but feel very much as though I've hit a wall recently.

The title of this post is a bit of irony in that yes, I am pregnant, but I'm not feeling very respectful at the moment. I've reached that point in pregnancy where I'm uncomfortable and not sleeping well. There is something so maddening about getting up 3 or 4 times a night to pee or waking up extremely early and being absolutely unable to fall back asleep. I don't think I've seen the bags leave my eyes for the past few weeks. My hormones seem to be bouncing all over the place and I find myself getting irritated at the most minor of things. And here's the really crazy part - I'm only 27 weeks, just into third trimester. So I have awhile yet to go. And as for my parenting? Well, I feel like I'm living proof that a mother who is not well rested and comfortable is not very capable of being loving and gentle. This makes me sad. I want so much for my little one to have his feelings and opinions respected and not steamrolled. It's as if Invasion of the Body Snatchers has happened in our household and his mother has been replaced by Screamo Mom!

Of course when I'm not pregnant I've had my screamo moments. I mean, I think we all do as we work to become better mothers. But I feel like this has been a constant for the past week or so. It's interesting that I can be so loving and gentle with my daycare kiddos five days a week. But watch out 5:00pm when it's after hours! And of course the last thing I want my kiddo to see is his mommy being loving and patient with his friends, but not with him! Oh man, talk about feeling mommy guilt! Not to mention, the final three months of my pregnancy are the last three months that he's going to get mommy to himself before sharing with a sibling. Double mommy guilt!

I'd love to hear from others who have been through pregnancy with other children to care for. I'm open to all ideas that will help me to preserve my sanity! This is a first for me considering I obviously didn't have any children at home when I was pregnant with Boo. I know that proper nutrition and exercise of course helps. I admit that I caved to an oreo cookie craving earlier this week. So that has probably not helped. Mmm - oreos - I'm salivating already. I have noticed that sugar intake causes me to be moody and irritable.

It seems that this has been more of a venting post than I initially set out for it to be. Please forgive me on that one.

On a more upbeat note, I've been gifted a blogging award. I will post more on that later. There are some requirements to receiving the award as far as giving the same award to other bloggers and my brain has been in such a fog that I'm still trying to sort that part out. So, when I get my brain defogged and get it done, I will post!

Preparing Boo for the Home Birth of his Sibling

Our current plan is for Boo to be present at the birth of his sibling. I found some great information here and thought I would pass it along.

Preparing an Older Sibling for a New Birth

Boo has always been high needs in terms of attention and emotions. He's a very sensitive little soul. So it has been with much consideration that we've decided that the right choice for him is to be at the birth. While I do think he might struggle with seeing mom in pain, I also think that he may feel incredibly left out if he leaves the house and there's all of a sudden a baby when he comes back home. Given his personality, it seems that he might adjust better to being a big sibling if he's a part of his sibling's birth day. We will continue to prep him and discuss birth with him and are of course open to a plan B if he should indicate in one way or another that being at the birth is not best for him.

Sometimes I've wondered if/how he's processing all of this birthing education. Being 3 1/2 and an active little boy he's not exactly prone to long drawn out conversations about his feelings on the matter. The other day we ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a long time at Target and upon being questioned about the fact that he was in fact going to be a big brother, Boo began to tell this person how when baby's big enough, baby will come out of mommy's door. Well, I guess he HAS been listening and comprehending in his own way!

We've been working on creating a bedroom for Boo. I had a frank conversation with T the other night about transitioning Boo to his bedroom and was so relieved to find that we are on the same page. That is, that the bedroom is there and Boo can choose to sleep in it and he can choose to continue to cosleep. The only change is that Boo has his spot on the edge of the bed and he will likely have to give up his spot on the end move to the middle. Little one's cosleeper will be attached to the edge of the bed and I definitely feel that given how Boo rotates and moves in his sleep I'll need to be between him and his baby! Hopefully he will manage that small change okay. Right now he throws a righteous fit if we ask him to sleep in the middle. I'm hoping that he might understand more with a baby there. This could backfire, so I guess we'll just have to play it by ear! I guess maybe the key for us will be to be flexible and creative in the way that we help Boo adjust.

I'm open to any suggestions of those who've been through this process before!

The "Goodness" of a Child

I read this post today and it got me thinking about parenting and the "goodness" of a child. Here's a link to the post that activated my brain cells this morning.

Let's All Try Not to Be Jerks

To summarize, this mama recently had an experience at a store with her little one whereby her poor little guy was upset for some unknown reason and was very unhappy during her shopping excursion. Rather than receiving encouragement and/or sympathy, this mom felt hostility coming from other shoppers. I have to admit that I can't relate to this a ton in that in all of Boo's 3 1/2 years he's only lost it in public once. I do remember getting a few sympathetic looks that time and so I feel fortunate to have experienced that.

But what I have experienced is the opposite extreme. For the most part my child is polite and good-mannered when we're out and about. He does have his whiny moments and all, but nothing outright tantrumy usually. My point here is not what an angel my child can be, but that I often get compliments about how "quiet" he is, how "well-behaved", how "good." And I admit that as much as I'd like to puff up with mothery pride, there's always a part of me that wonders "Well, what if he was loud and kicking and screaming on the floor? What if bright lights and loud noises overstimulated him so much that he lost it each and every time I went into a store? Would this make him any less good?"

I get nervous at church where I have received several such comments on his "goodness". I wonder about how long this will last. Heaven forbid my child have a bad day in front of others. Will he then cease to be good? I have to wonder, what does this say about our culture and the value that is placed on children? A quiet child is a good child. So much for the child with so much spirit and zest for life that sitting still is an impossible feat. Or the child with such incredible depth of emotion and passion that life's daily challenges cause emotional overload and constant melt downs. Do things like this make a child bad?

I feel like this black and white thinking when applied to children is so very damaging. Children pick up on the perceptions of those around them. Will a child who was always seen as "good" grow into perfectionism later in life in order to continue to please those around him? Will a child seen as "bad" make choices that confirm that label later in life? Let's not view chidren as good or bad, but as colorful and wonderful individuals that are worth knowing and respecting. Wouldn't it be wonderful if as a society we could be supportive of the whole child, including the bad days and the meltdowns? What if we could likewise be supportive of frazzled mothers who are trying hard enough to simultaneously hold it together and support their child amidst trying moments? At least in my mind that would be an improvement to society. Thoughts?

Wally Goes To Daycare

Wally gets to go to daycare! My sweet little furry love has been pining for this day for quite some time. When he first came to us as a sweet little puppy he used to get to come out and play with Boo and my one daycare kiddo at the time. He used to go outside with us. We didn't have a fence, but he was small enough that I could catch him easily. Well, time went on and Wally got bigger and faster and catching him was soon no small feat. Around the same time my daycare went from one kiddo to four kiddos in a matter of two weeks. Needless to say Wally got booted from daycare.

It's been a long road since then. I've been a slow learner as a dog owner. I did not grow up with dogs and it's been an ongoing struggle knowing how to deal with behaviors that are, well, for lack of a better word, very doglike. How do I get this furry cutie patootie to stop getting into toys, knocking people over with his bubbly energy, and just driving me nutso in general? Well, there's no easy answer to that. I've tried a number of approaches. I know there's mixed thoughts on The Dog Whisperer, but I learned so much from reading his books. I learned about being the kind of leader that my dog needs. Also, advice from friends has been very helpful as I've grown into being a dog owner.

Anyways, back to Wally's history with us. Things improved a bit for Wally when we moved. We now have a yard. I remember thinking "This is it!" I thought that having a yard to run around in would magically turn him into this mellow dog that just lies around inside the house. No such luck. Wally continued to grab toys constantly, chew things up, and drive me nutty.

So what has changed? I think I have continued with the Dog Whisperer's idea of being an assertive leader to my dog. I have also really tried much harder to work with him outside of daycare hours. And somehow magically in the past few months or so Wally turned a corner. All of a sudden my dog listens when I say "NO!" from across the room. I have only to look at him with a certain look and he drops whatever toy he's decided to try out. Needless to say, he doesn't even grab for them nearly as much. It used to be that I felt every last toy had to be picked up before Wally could be out in the house. Now he just lives around the toys as they're being thrown around and he's done a wonderful job of learning that toys are off limits. This was HUGE and essential for him to be able to join daycare. He still goes for a toy now and then, but it's not the constant behavior that it was. I mean, come on, he is a dog after all - can you blame him for trying to sneak one every now and then?

Much more recently,he's also had opportunity to be outside with myself and the kiddos during outdoor play. This was a great place to start as there's more room for him to run. He's now so great with his play skills with the kiddos that he actually slows down and ducks his head as he runs past kiddos. He knows he'll get a strong "NO!" if he jumps up on someone. Some people don't mind their dogs jumping on people. I'm not one of them. I mind because the people that surround me day in and out are very little and despite Wally's small Corgi stature he's actually quite strong when he pounces up on somebody to say hello. So Wally has had to learn to become very good at this before I would even consider indoor play during daycare an option for him.

Fortunately I've never had to deal with aggression towards others. This would make daycare an automatic no for him. Wally is very sweet and loves playing with the kiddos. I can tell he's happier now. And he gets good and worn out! After a week of being out much of the day with the kiddos, I can tell he's getting used to it. He plays with the kiddos for a bit and then he settles down somewhere to gnaw on his rawhide chip or he follows me around waiting for his next petting!

I'm so very excited about this transition. Hurray for Wally!

Addictions We Are and Aren't Enjoying Right Now

Well, it's been a super long time since I've posted. I think all of my blogs are starting out with that sentence. Maybe it's just expected by now that I disappear from the blogosphere on a regular basis. I guess maybe I should feel encouraged by this really. Could it be that I have a real life? Hmmm...

Well, when I thought about updating on our lives, the topic that came to mind is addictions. Yes, addictions. I've been addicted to some new things lately and have had to miss out on others. Hubby has his current addictions and Boo also has his.

My current addiction is knitting. I think it might be a crazy nesting thing. I started on some knit Ugg-style baby booties. I have one done, but I admit that my fire has died a bit. Fatigue will do that to you! But I hope to get the second bootie knit quickly. It is a quick knit as the pattern says, but the first bootie wasn't so much for me. I had to learn some new skills - a yarn over, knitting into the back of a loop, switching colors, duplicate stitching, and slip stitches to name a few. There's a saying I saw once on a facebook flair (when fb had flair) that said "I knit so I do not kill people." Well, with this project it was more like "I knit and now I want to kill people." But I finally figured out some new knitting tricks and then returned to that peaceful calm that knitting is supposed to bring. Oh heavenly bliss!

My addiction that I'm missing out on right now? Coffee. Yep...there it is. After receiving bags and bags of coffee from different people for Christmas presents, I'm not even able to enjoy. I'm one of those people that's okay with having the one cup during pregnancy, but my preggo body will NOT allow it this time. I tried and tried to make it work, but in the end I had to part as just friends with hope of resuming the relationship later. No matter what I ate before, with, or after my coffee I could not get rid of overwhelming shakiness on days that I had coffee. Big shrug on that one - didn't happen with my pregnancy with Boo. But it's just not working this time around. So instead I just look at my coffee beans every now and then that reside by my toaster in the cabinet. And I wonder "How fresh will you taste when I can finally drink you?" And then there's a very still small voice that says, "You know, you've gone this long. You'd be better off without it." Hmph...I admit my relationship with coffee mirrors one of those awful codependent relationships featured in your typical Lifetime movie. But oh the rich and earthy goodness of a cup of joe.

I don't know that it technically qualifies as an addiction, but hubby is glued to schoolwork morning, noon, and night. Of all the things to be addicted to, schoolwork is a great choice. However, I must admit that it's made its impression on our family life and that is not always easy. But many achievements in life are never reached if sacrifices are not made. He is doing really well in his studies. This fall he'll be able to complete the application process for various nursing programs and move forward. Oh what a happy day that will be! It will still be a long road, but it will be nice to get past that second milestone. The first milestone was passed simply by getting our plan rolling.

I guess that brings me to Boo and his current addictions. We're all about the puzzles right now. I bought a puzzle for him - I admit it was after reading how a friend's child was doing really spectacular with puzzles with lots of pieces. I have no need for us to keep up piece for piece, but it made me think "Hmm...I haven't really tried more challenging puzzles with Boo." And so that one thought began Boo's current infatuation. His first love was a pirate puzzle complete with a sea serpent of sorts. He has put this thing together so many times that he knows exactly where every piece goes. I admit that I actually do too! After a week I had to get him a new puzzle because the thought of putting the pirate puzzle together one more time was nearly nauseating. So his next puzzle was a robot puzzle. And that began his second love. His puzzle collection has grown a bit more since then, out of a desire to keep my sanity and to keep him challenged. I will have to continue to add to this collection as I can as the addiction shows no signs of fading anytime soon!

Well, I guess those are our current happenings. After little baby gets here end of June/ early July I plan to break out some lovely bottles of wine that were lovingly bought for me for Christmas and reintroduce myself to my wine addiction. No one call AA, just a glass now and then does wonders for the soul!